Page 38 of Life After

“You lied to me.” Suzanne stepped closer and pointed her finger in Jen’s face. The fury in her eyes hadn’t gone unnoticed. Not at all. “You came into my home, you shared my bed,andyou befriended my niece…while fucking lying to me!”

Jen hung her head, her shoulders slumped as she forced down the lump in her throat. “She told you.”

“She told me something thatyoushould have told me the day we met.” Suzanne’s voice broke as she said that, her inability to look Jen in the eye only breaking her heart. “I’ve packed up anything of yours that you’d left here. A hoodie or two. Some shorts. T-shirts.” Suzanne lifted the plastic carrier bag from the floor and dropped it onto the dining table between them. “I’m sure you’re used to your clothes being in plastic bags since you’ve spent time behind bars.”

Fuck, that hurt. The pain in Jen’s chest confirmed it. “I wanted to tell you.”

“Yet you didn’t.” Suzanne scoffed. “So, you can leave now.”

“C-can we talk? Please?”

Suzanne’s brows rose as she laughed. “Oh,nowyou want to talk and come clean? I don’t think so.”

Jen wanted to explain. She wanted to try to convince Suzanne that she was worth a shot, but was she? No, Jen wasn’t. This was the very end she knew would come at some point. It just hadn’t happened as quickly as she thought it would. The longer their relationship went on, the less Jen felt as though she had to disclose her past. It didn’t seem relevant anymore. But Suzanne wasn’t interested, so Jen nodded and lifted the bag from the table. “I’m sorry. That’s all I can say to you.”

“You’re sorry I found out the truth.” The look of disgust Suzanne gave her as she said that tore Jen in two. Just a few hours ago, Suzanne had looked at Jen as though she meant the world. But now? Well, Jen didn’twantto know what Suzanne thought of her.

She stood in the middle of the room, feeling more vulnerable than ever. It didn’t matter what she said to Suzanne; all she saw now was Jen…the criminal. “I wish we could have sat down and talked about this, but I respect that you don’t want to see me again or hear my excuses.”

Suzanne nodded towards the open living room door. “As I’ve already said, you can leave now.”

Jen backed up towards the door, the ache in her chest intensifying with each breath she took. She looked up at Suzanne, saddened by how this was ending. Jen wanted to believe that the tear Suzanne had just brushed from her cheek meant she was sad too, but it was anger, plain and simple. “She died, and I lost my head. That doesn’t excuseanything, but I’m not a bad person. I made a few mistakes, and they ruined my life. I lost everything. Most of my family included. I think I’ve been punished enough at this point. I don’t need to be punished by you, too.”

“Plenty of people have to deal with death, Jen. It doesn’t mean they end up in prison because of it.”

“I know.” Jen was well aware of that. She also agreed wholeheartedly with Suzanne. “I realise there is no point in me standing here trying to reason with you. From the moment I walked through the door tonight, it was quite clear what you thought of me.”

“I don’t even know you!”

“Except you do. This is me. I’ve been nothing other than genuine with you.” Jen had never felt so at peace as she had recently. Now, she just had to remain focused on her mental health and pray that it didn’t go downhill again. She couldn’t go back to those days; she wouldn’t survive them. “I did want to tell you. The only reason I didn’t in the end was because you were the only person in my life who didn’t treat me as though I’d messed up in the past. You didn’t look down your nose at me. You…liked what you saw.”

“I did…but you fucked it up completely.”

Jen chewed her lip as she lowered her eyes. “If I’d told you in the beginning, what would have happened?”

Suzanne snorted. “I certainly wouldn’t have asked you on a second date.”

“I see.” Jen nodded as she took a step back into the hallway. “Then I’m sorry you were ever unfortunate enough to cross paths with me.”

God, there was so much Jen wanted to say to Suzanne. There were so many things she wanted to thank her for. With Suzanne, Jen had felt like nothing more than an ordinary human being. For the first time since Ruby’s death, Jen felt as though her life was piecing itself back together.

“I’ll…see you.” Jen puffed out her cheeks and turned for the front door. She wasn’t sure where she was going or what she would do, but the greatest time of her life recently was now officially over.

“Jen?”

Suzanne’s soft voice reached her ears. Jen turned, her heart in her mouth. “Yeah?”

“I wish you could have been honest with me from the start.” Suzanne looked back at her, her arms wrapped around herself.

“Me too.” Jen smiled weakly. “Because it would have saved you the hassle of wasting your time on me, and it would have saved me from a broken heart.”

“You’ll be just fine.” Suzanne managed the smallest smile, but Jen wasn’t convinced by it. This woman hated her, and she could try to hide it all she wanted, but she was failing. “Best of luck, okay?”

Best of luck. Suzanne had been her luck, and it had just run out once and for all.

“You know, before all of this? I had a great job, a place of my own, and a family who loved me. I was a primary school teacher and community fundraiser. I was a well-thought-of sister, a friend who people loved to have around, and now… Now I have nothing.” Jen swallowed as Suzanne stared through her. “Even my baby nephew doesn’t know who I am. His dad won’t let me see him.” Jen held up the pathetic bag of her belongings, her back pressed to Suzanne’s front door. “This is all my life will ever be now.Thisis what I’m reduced to. A shopping bag with my shit in it.” God, Jen wanted to hug this woman one last time. She wouldn’t dare, though. “You came into my life when I thought I had no hope. You opened the door to me with no idea who I’d turned into before I was sent down. Which, by the way, was the best thing that could have happened to me. If I hadn’t been arrested, I’d be dead now.”

“We have to live with the consequences of our actions.”

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