Page 45 of Life After

“No, thank you. I’ll probably be working late.” Suzanne wouldn’t be working late, but Tracy didn’t know that. She just didn’t want to see people right now. “I’ll call you, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll wait to hear from you.”

Suzanne lowered her phone to her desk and rocked back in her office chair. Just a few weeks ago, she’d had a lot of fun in this chair with Jen. Those memories, the unexpected intimacy she felt with her far sooner than either of them anticipated…she could never forget Jen no matter how hard she tried. Nor did she want to.

Coffee. Coffee fixes everything.

Suzanne forced herself out of her chair and busied herself at the coffee machine. Maybe she could join one of those dating apps and hope she came across Jen’s name. Surely, she would be using those sorts of opportunities when it came to dating again. Suzanne didn’t know the first thing about them, but Jen seemed to know her stuff.

As the beans finished grinding, the doorbell rang.

Suzanne frowned. She wasn’t expecting anything. She’d already had her packages delivered this morning, and not by Jen…sadly. She lowered the cup in her hand and approached the front door. When she opened it, she couldn’t believe what she found.

“Package for Dixon,” Jen said, keeping her head down as she input information on her handheld scanner. “Just a signature, please.”

Suzanne reached out a shaking hand and signed her name, and then she took the package from Jen. “I…I’m not expecting a package.”

Jen, still refusing to make eye contact, checked the device in her hand. “This is package two of two.”

“Ah. I see. I wondered why the box was so small this morning.” Suzanne willed Jen to look up at her, but she didn’t. She just backed away.

“Glad I could clear that up for you. Have a nice day. Bye.”

Suzanne swallowed as Jen turned and stepped out of her garden gate. Did she speak up, or did she let her go? Suzanne had been craving to see her. She knew what she had to do. “Jen, wait!”

Jen turned around, the look in her eyes just as heartbreaking as it had been almost two weeks ago. “Yeah? Is something wrong?”

“Everything is wrong.”

Jen frowned. “Do you need me to take the package back?”

“N-no.” God, Suzanne didn’t feel prepared for this. Even though she had spent thirteen days going over everything in her head, she didn’t know where to begin. “I…would you like to come in?”

“Me?” Jen laughed as she pointed a finger at her own chest. “You want the convict inside your home?”

“Jen.”

“Look, this isn’t necessary. You’ve made it clear how you feel about this, about me, so we really don’t need to pretend that it can be worked out. I know it can’t be. You don’t owe me anything at all, Suzanne.”

Suzanne regarded Jen with a wry smile. “I owe you an apology.”

“You really don’t.” Jen held up a hand. “I should have been upfront with you. I wasn’t. And I lost you. There is no apology to be made here other than from me.” Jen closed the gate and threw a thumb over her shoulder. “I should go. I still have seventy-odd parcels to deliver.”

“You wanted to talk…”

“I did. I wanted to explain so you didn’t walk away from this thinking the very worst of me.” Jen turned her watch towards herself and sighed. “I should really go. Take care of yourself, Suzanne. It was good seeing you.”

Suzanne rushed down the garden path and stopped at the gate as Jen crossed the street. They had to fix this. There were no two ways about it. “Come over when you finish work. Iwouldlike to talk, Jen.”

Jen glanced back at Suzanne as she opened the door of the van. She didn’t agree or disagree; Jen just climbed inside and closed the door. All Suzanne could do now was hope that Jen showed up here whenever she was ready to have that conversation. The very conversation Suzanne should have agreed to the night she broke it off with her.

Come on, Jen. I miss you.

Jen lookedup at Suzanne’s house, the darkness around her comforting as she exhaled a deep breath. Suzanne had asked for answers, to talk, so here Jen was. Willing to lay everything out before she put another fucked up stage of her life behind her. Jen wasn’t here to grovel, and she wasn’t here to ask Suzanne to take her back. All she wanted was for Suzanne to walk away from this with the truth. With the knowledge that Jen was who she thought she was…just a little broken at one time.

Jen never wanted Suzanne to hate her. She’d never wanted to withhold anything from the very woman she was in love with. But she had come to terms with the fact that Suzanne and likely any other woman in the future wouldn’t want a relationship with Jen. Who would? Sometimes, life just fell that way.

She pushed the gate open, pulled her shoulders back as she took the steps, and rang the doorbell. This evening would see the very end of this, and that was okay. It had to be okay. Perhaps in time, life would pick up again, but Jen was taking things one step at a time. There was no point in looking forward to the future. She only ended up bitterly disappointed.

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