Page 46 of Life After

When the door opened, Suzanne looked back at her with surprise written all over her face. “J-Jen. I…didn’t think you’d come back.”

“You may have refused me the opportunity to talk, but I’m not like that, so here I am.”

“C-come in. Please.” Suzanne stepped aside, still shocked by Jen’s arrival. When Jen nervously stepped over the threshold, she could only give Suzanne the smallest smile. “Go through to the living room.”

Jen did so, her usual routine of removing her shoes before she stepped onto the carpet taking place. It was something so normal—meaningless—but it reminded Jen of the moments they’d shared here. A routine, if you will. A routine she had been really growing to love.

“Can I get you anything? Tea, coffee, water? Anything?” For the first time since they’d met, Suzanne seemed extremely anxious. It was clear in her voice and the way her hands trembled.

While Jen appreciated that Suzanne was trying to be hospitable, it wasn’t necessary. “No, thanks. I won’t stay long.”

“I’ve been trying to call you.”

Jen couldn’t fathom why. The night she left here some two weeks ago had certainly been a rough time. Suzanne didn’t seem like she’d ever want to face Jen again. “I took out a contract and got rid of my pay-as-you-go phone. Decided to just keep the new number.”

“R-right.” Suzanne stood in the middle of the room with her arms wrapped around herself. “Well, it’s nice to see you again.”

Jen exhaled a deep breath. “What was it you wanted to know? I’m happy to tell you anything so long as we can keep this amicable. I don’t need the confrontation of a fortnight ago. That’s not who I am.” Jen lowered herself to the couch and clasped her hands in her lap. “So…”

“Jen, I’m so sorry for the things I said to you.” Suzanne’s voice broke as she stared back at Jen with tears in her eyes. “And for asking you to leave.”

“You had every right to ask me to leave. I hadn’t told you about my past. Looking back, I know I should have told you the night we went for a drink, but I can’t change the way I handled any of it. All I can do is learn from it, and then maybe one day, I’ll find someone who can accept that I’m not perfect. That I made a terrible mistake, but it’s not who I am.”

“Tracy shocked me when she explained how she knew you. You’d just left here, we’d had such an amazing weekend together, and…I didn’t expect it.” Suzanne hesitated but eventually sat beside Jen. At a distance, but still. “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did.”

“Look, it’s fine. I’m used to it now.”

“That doesn’t make it right.” Suzanne lay a hand on Jen’s, but Jen pulled away. “Jen. Please.”

“I’m here to give you the answers you want. Then I’ll leave.”

Suzanne visibly swallowed. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I’m not here to try again, Suzanne. I’m tired of always being the bad guy. And I know most people have every right to hate me, to cross the street when they see me, but you were different. I’ve never done anything to hurt you other than withhold information to protect myself so I could be with you. You may see me as a liar because of that, but that’s your choice to feel that way. I did it for the right reasons in my mind. I did it so that here, with you, was a safe space for me.” It was important that Jen said anything she needed to say. Moving on without being totally upfront would only haunt her. “But I saw the way you looked at me as you asked me to leave. I recognised the disgust because it’s the very same look everyone else has for me.” Jen reached out a hand and caught a tear as it worked its way down Suzanne’s cheek. “Don’t be upset. I’m not worth anyone’s tears.”

“I regret everything I said to you that night. I knew it the moment you closed the door.”

Jen didn’t want Suzanne to have any regrets. Because when she left here tonight, it would be all Suzanne remembered her for. Jen would prefer Suzanne to remember her for the laughter and the numerous nights they’d lay on this very couch with one another. Butneverthe regret. “You felt the way you did, and that’s all there is to it. Have those feelings. You’re entitled to them.”

“I’d like to make things right.” Suzanne placed two fingers under Jen’s chin when she lowered her gaze. “And I know that cannot possibly happen overnight, but I do, Jen. I want to make things right between us.”

“Everything is okay. You know about the past now. You know that I’m a convicted criminal. Even thoughIknow I’m a good person, I don’t expect everyone else to agree. That’s just the way life is, and I’ve never not understood that.”

Suzanne sniffled as she managed a tight smile. “But you understood me. More than anyone else has since John died.”

“Grief is…I don’t know. It’s easy to discuss the pain I still feel on the daily when I’m with you because you feel it, too. That connection waseverythingto me as I was adjusting to life on the outside again. You made me feel as though I had a purpose. Even if that was only being here for you, I felt as though my life was worth something.”

“Oh, Jen. You’re worth so much.”

Jen puffed out her cheeks. “I… It’s time for me to leave England. Once I’ve figured some things out and convinced my mum that I’ll be okay away from here, I’m gone.”

“N-no! You can’t leave. This is your home.”

“Do something for me.” Jen gazed deep into Suzanne’s eyes. “Please?”

“Anything.” Suzanne shifted again, but Jen needed her to not move any closer. She was trying to let her go, for the love of God!

“Imagine walking around your hometown while people snarl at you. Imagine your own mother trying to defend you to people while you’re banged up.” Jen smiled weakly. “Then imagine the woman you were falling in love with calling you a liar while looking at you as though she doesn’t know the first thing about you.”

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