Page 50 of Life After

“Iknowyou can.”

Jen sunk back into the couch and mulled over everything going on in her head. Her mum was right. She should go and be happy. Now, Jen just had to understand that for herself, and she could be at Suzanne’s place enjoying life all over again. “Maybe I’ll take a shower and call over there.”

Suzanne feltTracy’s eyes on her, but she didn’t know what to say to her best friend. She could pretend everything was okay, but Tracy would see right through it. She often did. She would also claim that Suzanne had every right to her reaction, but Suzanne knew deep down that she didn’t. Of course there would be a reaction, but hers was entirely unjust. Suzanne had never been the type of woman who would fly off the handle, so why had it happened with Jen’s situation?

Perhaps it was the idea of the woman she loved not being upfront. Maybe it was the shock of it. Jen just didn’t present as the type of person who had ever put a foot wrong, let alone spent time in prison. So, shock it was. That was Suzanne’s excuse for all of this.

She cleared her throat, ready to hash everything out with Tracy. “Jen came over last night.”

Tracy sat forward in her seat, her brows lifting. “Oh! That’s good news.”

“Not really. She left once she had explained everything to me.” Suzanne smiled weakly as she cast her gaze on the carpet. She held a glass of wine against her knee, but she’d only taken a sip since she’d sat down with it forty minutes ago. “I don’t know what I expected from her, but I thought she may have called me by now.”

“Judging by everything you’ve told me, I think it may take a minute longer than usual.”

“I told her I love her,” Suzanne said, mindlessly rubbing her thumb against the stem of her glass. “I shouldn’t have done that. She probably wasn’t ready to hear it.” Perhaps Jen would never be ready to hear it, but Suzanne couldn’t hold it in. If it made any difference to whether she stayed or went, then Suzanne had to be entirely honest about what she felt for Jen. “I know I’ve lost her. There are no two ways about it. But she did make me incredibly happy, Trace.” Suzanne sniffled and shook her head. “Even the way she looked at me was enough to turn me into a complete mess on the spot. It’s been a long time since anyone made me feel that way.”

“I know she means a lot to you, it’s quite obvious, but give her some time. Let her come around to the idea. She had a rough time before and while she was inside.” Tracy probably knew far more about Jen than Suzanne ever would. “Looking back, I wish I hadn’t told you.”

That surprised Suzanne. Until today, Tracy had maintained that telling her was the right thing to do. “Whydidyou tell me?”

“Because I believe it’s important. Because I was shocked to see her walking out of your door. Because you’re my best friend, and I’d never withhold information like that…even if it’s not what you want to hear. You should know who you’re dating.”

Suzanne couldn’t help but feel as though she already knew who she was dating. The only version of Jen she’d ever known. And God, she’d really loved all of it. “When she was here last night, she told me she withheld the truth to protect herself so she could be with me.”

Tracy regarded her with a wry smile. “And I went and put my foot right in it, didn’t I?”

“Part of me understands why you told me, but the rest of me wishes I’d never known. The last two weeks have been dreadful, Tracy. Knowing what I know doesn’t change a thing, and so now I have to wonder if I ever really needed to know.”

“Things will work out. Jen is a good person who took the wrong turn. Out of everyone on my wing, I can safely say she was the one I had high hopes for. And I think having you by her side…it’s only going to enrich her life and keep her on the straight and narrow.”

Suzanne didn’t particularly want to be the person who kept Jen straight, but she understood what Tracy was saying. With hope, happiness, and love, Jen really couldn’t go wrong when it came to her future. Suzanne could only hope that she would feature in it at some point.

It’s all a waiting game now…

“I wish I could call her or send a text.”

Tracy frowned. “Why can’t you? Even if it’s just to let her know that you’re thinking about her.”

“She changed her number. I don’t have the new one.” Suzanne puffed out her cheeks. “It’s kind of how I know that this isn’t going to lead to anything. She didn’t offer her new number to me.”

“I’m sure she just forgot, love. Don’t read too much into it.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t feel that way to me.” The one thing they strongly believed in was communication. And now Jen had zero to offer her. “I’m just using the bathroom.” Suzanne sighed as she got to her feet and took her mostly full wine glass into the kitchen. She just couldn’t be bothered. “Help yourself to another glass.”

She left the living room and stopped in the hallway and take a couple of breaths. Suzanne could feel herself becoming emotional whenever she thought about Jen, and she didn’t want to be that person when she had company. Tracy would understand, she would likely encourage whatever emotion Suzanne was feeling, but she feared they wouldn’t stop once the tears started.

Too late. Several were already slipping down her cheeks.

She gripped the banister, only to stop when the doorbell rang. She was in no fit state to answer the door, and she didn’t want to have to deal with whoever it was, but that didn’t change the fact that someonewasat the door.

I really wish people would leave me alone.

Suzanne took the few steps towards the door and opened it. Her heart practically shot up into her throat when Jen stared back at her. “Hi. I hope it’s okay to just show up here.”

“A-always. It’llalwaysbe okay for you to just show up.”

Jen smiled as she cast her gaze on the steps separating them. Seemed she didn’t know what to say, but Suzanne kind of felt the same way. “I won’t stay long. I just…wanted to clear the air about last night. I’m sorry I just left.” Jen looked back up at Suzanne with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t know what to say.”

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