Page 64 of Life After

“I’m happy to hear that.” Lizzie crossed her legs and sighed. “How was your date that night? Suzanne, wasn’t it?”

Jen’s heart beat a little harder at the mention of Suzanne’s name. She couldn’t recall a time that had ever happened in past relationships. Even though they’d been great together, Jen couldn’t say she’d even felt it with Lizzie. “Yeah, Suzanne. And it was great. I didn’t realise I’d done it at first, but I shouldn’t have introduced her to you as my date.” Jen reminded herself of the conversation they’d had after they’d left the restaurant. She never meant to refer to Suzanne as just her date. “She wasn’treallymy date.”

“Oh, thank God. The next day, when I called and you were with her, my heart sank. I assumed you were together, you know…in a relationship.” Lizzie held a hand to her chest as she shifted closer. “I know we haven’t seen one another for a while, but I was talking to Chloe and Mel recently, and I kinda came clean about how I was feeling.”

“How you were feeling? About what?”

“You and me. The life we had before everything went wrong.”

Jen was taken aback by what Lizzie was saying. She hadn’t imagined her ex wouldeverwant to think about the life they’d had and ultimately lost. “Right. Okay.”

“And I think seeing you today has just confirmed it for me. Now that I know nothing is going on with you and Suzanne, Ineedyou to know that I want you to come home, Jen. Come back to me.”

Jen slowly lifted her coffee cup to her lips, wanting to give herself the opportunity to process what Lizzie had just said before she responded. She was shocked, but she wouldn’t show it. If Lizzie needed to get this out of her system, then so be it.

“I know it’s probably a surprise, but I want to try again with you, Jen. We were so happy, and I want us to have that again. I want to carry on building what we were building back then. I-if you can forgive me for walking away, at least.”

Jen lowered her coffee cup to the space between them and took Lizzie’s hands into her lap. “In terms of you leaving, there isnothingto forgive. You did what was best for you, and I can never blame you for that. I was an awful person who didn’t deserve someone like you standing beside me.”

“I should have, though.”

“No, you shouldn’t. And I’m glad you didn’t. In the end, I only dragged down everyone I came across. I didn’t want you to become a victim of that, too. If you’d stayed and forced yourself to keep loving me, then that would have happened. You were theonlyperson who didn’t resent me, and I couldn’t risk that changing. It’s why I didn’t bother to fight for us. I couldn’t even fight for myself.”

“I never once had to force myself to love you, babe. I’vealwaysloved you, and to this day, I still do. I just…didn’t know how to give you what you needed. The pain you were in, I couldn’t help you. I didn’t see an end to the behaviours, and I couldn’t stand to watch it any longer.”

“Hey,” Jen said as she lifted a hand and cupped Lizzie’s cheek. “You did the right thing, okay?”

“A-and now? Do you think we could give it another go?”

Jen had never felt so in demand all of a sudden. She was so used to people turning their back on her that the idea two different women could love her seemed like one hell of a stretch. As she looked back at Lizzie, the turmoil in her eyes was visible. God, Jen didn’t want to hurt this woman by turning her down, but getting back together just wasn’t going to happen. Jen was in love with Suzanne. “That’s not possible, Lizzie.”

“Please, Jen.” Lizzie blinked away tears. “I know it’s going to take time to rebuild, but I really need another chance with you.”

“Lizzie, I’m in a relationship.” Jen lowered her hand from Lizzie’s cheek and ran her palm down her own thigh. “When I told you that Suzanne wasn’t my date, I meant that she’s my girlfriend. We’ve been seeing one another now for almost three months.” Jen chose not to mention the weeks they were broken up. It wasn’t important to the story.

“I…what?” Lizzie’s brows rose as she stared back at Jen. “You’re together?”

“We are, yes.” Jen regarded Lizzie with a small smile, knowing she probably felt embarrassed right now. But there was no harm done. She had made her feelings about Jen known, and now Jen could avoid anything resembling this in the future.

“But we were engaged. We had a home together.”

Jen straightened her shoulders. She didn’t want this conflict to become anything she would have to contend with. That wasn’t her life anymore. “That part of me doesn’t exist anymore, Lizzie. It hasn’t since the moment they slapped handcuffs on me, and I realised the terrible mistakes I’d made. Suzanne and I are happy. We’re in love. She’s…my fresh start.”

Lizzie lowered her gaze to her hands in her lap. “I see.”

“This may hurt when I say this, but I had to remove anything I had when Ruby was alive from my life. Friends, memories. Anything that reminded me of the one important thing I lost.Rubes. Going back to anything that reminds me of that time is a slippery slope for me. I’m sure you can understand that.”

“I-I don’t understand it. Not really.”

“You and I were great together, we always had been, but our relationship reminds me of a time that I don’t want to remember. The loss we all suffered, then the turmoil I brought to people’s lives, it’s just not something I want to be faced with on the daily. It’s not something I canhandlegoing back to.”

“You’re telling me I remind you of one of the most painful times of your life?” Lizzie pulled a face at that, but Jen had to be brutally honest here.

Jen nodded slowly. “Yes, in a way.”

“Well, you really know how to make a girl feel special.” Lizzie scoffed. “And for the record, I remind you of that time in your life becauseyoufucked it all up. So, really, you only have yourself to blame when it comes to feeling that way about me.”

“I know that. I also accept it.” Jen rose to her feet and lifted her coffee cup from the bench. “I don’t want to fall out with you all over again because I didn’t want to come back to you. Either we go our separate ways entirely, or we figure out how to be friends.” Jen looked down at Lizzie, hoping for the latter. She needed all the friends she could get around here. “I know which I’d prefer.”

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