Page 24 of Life After

“Yeah, I get that. That was the weirdest feeling. But I just wanted to be angry at the world. I wanted to wallow and refuse to shower. I wanted to hate everyone else for being alive when she wasn’t.”

“That’s why it was important for me to fix myself before I even thought about dating again. I couldn’t put how I felt on anyone else. That would have been unfair and, quite frankly, stupid.”

Jen nodded and smiled. “You’re exactly right.”

“But I believe that we met when we were supposed to. It’s hard for me to come to any other conclusion when everything feels so great for me right now.” Suzanne reached out a hand and stroked her knuckles against Jen’s cheek. “And maybe you don’t feel quite the same, maybe life is still heavy on the sadness, but I hope things improve for you when they’re meant to, Jen. You have a heart of gold, and I’m truly grateful to have you in my life.”

“I’m going to be honest with you.” Jen sat up straight and cleared her throat. “Until the day you asked me out for that drink, I was wondering what the point of my life was anymore. I was existing and working, then coming home to sleep to do it all over again the following day. Meeting you has given me a reason to be hopeful. You’re the only reason I smile lately. I can never thank you enough for pulling me out of that headspace.”

“I’m sorry you’ve felt that way.” Suzanne wrapped Jen up in a strong embrace, holding her own emotions at bay. She hated knowing Jen was unsure of her future because of her grief. “But while we’re being brutally honest, you’ve given me the very same thing. A lot of my happiness is because of you lately, Jen.”

Jen drew back. “Really?”

“Really. I’m very good at putting on a front. It seems easier than sitting down and boring my friends with how I’m feeling.”

Jen frowned. “I hope you never feel as though you have to do that with me, Suzanne.”

Suzanne held her tongue. She didn’t consider Jen a friend. Oh, no. She was so much more than that. “And I hope that one day you won’t see yourself as one of my friends, but rather…something more.” Suzanne chanced a kiss, smiling against Jen’s lips when Jen fisted her hand in Suzanne’s jacket and held her in place.

“I’m really hoping for that, too.” Jen touched her forehead to Suzanne’s and smiled. “How about that lunch we mentioned earlier? All I want to do right now is sit across a table from you and look at your beautiful face.”

The reaction Suzanne’s body had to that was probably something she should worry about, but it was hard to worry aboutanythingwhen Jen was sitting next to her and saying everything she’d wanted to hear lately. “That sounds like something I could never refuse.”

Chapter 10

“I can’t believeyou actually managed to get the whole week off. The last time that happened was…well, never. Not that I can recall, anyway.” Suzanne lowered two cups of coffee to the table outside on her patio. Tracy had shown up unannounced, but they were forever guilty of doing that to one another so Suzanne wouldn’t complain. “Do you think it’ll last, or are you likely to be called in at some point?”

“I’ve told the boss I’m going on holiday. That way, nobody will call me to cover a shift.” Tracy winked as she took her coffee in her hands and smiled against the rim of the cup. “You’ve been quiet lately. Is everything okay?”

Suzanne looked out at her expansive, pristine garden and smiled. “Everything is perfect. For the first time in a long time, everything is just…coming together.”

Tracy narrowed her eyes over the top of her cup. “And this is all because of the courier woman you’re dating?”

“Yes. Jen. She’s…great.” Suzanne sat back against the rattan furniture and sighed. “I think because she came into my life so unexpectedly, I’m in a little bit of shock about it all.” Suzanne wouldn’t dream of showing that side of her to Jen, but she could admit it to her best friend. “She’s good for me. It all feels right, you know?”

Tracy leaned forward and squeezed Suzanne’s knee. “I’m happy for you, love. It’s about time you got back out there and lived your life. You know John would only want the best for you.”

John. Suzanne could only smile whenever she was reminded of her late husband. They’d created a beautiful home together and so many incredible memories, but this was a new life now. It was a fresh start. A second chance. “I know. And Jen knows about him, too. She’s been really great about it all whenever we discuss it.”

“Good. I’m happy to hear that. We don’t need another Rosie situation.”

Suzanne’s brows rose as she fell silent. Last year, their good friend Rosie had started dating again after losing her fiancé in a work accident. She’d met what they all thought was a wonderful guy, only to later find out that he would criticise her and question what he meant to her whenever Rosie mentioned her late fiancé in a conversation. Thank God Rosie wasn’t dating him anymore.

“You’re right. That was a dreadful period of time for Rosie.” Suzanne shook her head lightly. “You know how it feels? A little like John has sent Jen to me for a reason.”

Tracy cocked her head as she regarded Suzanne with an understanding smile. “If that’s how it feels to you, then run with it, love.”

“Oh, I will. I’m not backing out of this. I’m not giving myself the opportunity to talk myself out of anything at all. I just want to enjoy Jen. All of her. Anything she can offer.”

“It sounds to me as though that’s already happening, Suzanne,” Tracy said, sipping her coffee. “And I’d usually ask that you slow down and be sure this is what you want, but I can see how happy she makes you. Your eyes light up, and that hasn’t happened for a long time now.”

“I know it’s only been two weeks since we went on our first date, but I feel as though I’m already at that stage of missing her when she’s not here.” Suzanne felt a little bit needy as she said that. While she didn’t want to slow down, shehadwondered if she should. Just a tiny bit. “Do you think that could become an issue?”

Tracy lifted a shoulder. “It’s hard to say. It seems to me that Jen wants the same as you. Unless she’s hinted at maybe taking a step back, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Quite the opposite, actually.” A shiver worked its way down Suzanne’s spine when she thought back on the weekend. It was Wednesday now, but the three days apart hadn’t done anything to shake those thoughts from Suzanne’s mind. “Jen is fully here when we’re together. She doesn’t hold back her affection. I think that’s what I like about her most. How forthcoming she is about her feelings and what she expects.”

“And are you equally as forthcoming?”

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