Page 40 of Life After

Denise closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I think you need to get some rest, love. Sleep this day away and start again tomorrow. Because no matter what, tomorrowisa fresh start.”

“Yeah.” Jen could only smile. Her mum didn’t need all of this bullshit again. She’d been through enough with Jen. “You’re right. I’ll get myself off to bed.” Jen ran her hands down her thighs and then got to her feet. “Love you, Mum.”

“I love you, too.”

Chapter 15

Suzanne draggeda shopping bag inside the house, throwing it down in the hallway as she turned back to lock her car. Tracy was due over any minute now, but she wasn’t sure she had the energy for visitors this evening. It had been a week since she’d watched Jen walk out the door, and she was beginning to regret letting her go. Truthfully, she’d regretted it the moment she climbed the stairs to bed that night.

Suzanne’s main concern was that Jen was in a dark place again. No matter what happened between them moving forward, Suzanne still cared about her.Yeah, because she walked away believing that.

Suzanne scoffed. Her attitude towards Jen had been appalling. Honestly, Suzanne hadn’t known she had that attitude in her. And to use it against Jen, of all people, regardless of the fact she hadn’t been honest with her… Suzanne felt terrible about it.

The doorbell rang as she carried the bag through to the kitchen. All she wanted to do this evening was get into bed with a book and a cup of tea. She didn’t want Tracy here asking questions that Suzanne didn’t have the answers to. She just…wanted to be left alone. Still, she answered the door with her best smile. “Hi. Come in. I’m just putting the shopping away.”

Tracy closed the door and carried a bottle of wine through to the kitchen. “Is that your weekly shop?” Tracy looked down at the one lonely shopping bag in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Suzanne frowned. “Yes, why?”

“You’ve barely got anything.”

“Well, there’s only me again now. What’s the point in buying too much food that I’ll never get through alone?” Before Tracy had shown up here last week, Suzanne’s life was changing, and it was for the better. But a week on, she was feeling lonelier than she ever had. Jen had been here, she’d spent endless time with Suzanne, and she’d been the very image of what Suzanne was beginning to see in her future. “How’s work?”

“Same shit, different day.” Tracy took two wine glasses from the cupboard and poured them each a glass. “Been up to much?”

“No.”

Suzanne had very little conversation in her lately. In fact, she’d actively avoided seeing Tracy since she’d revealed the truth about Jen.

“I probably should have called you this morning and told you not to come over. I’m not great company at the moment.” With the mood Suzanne was in, she couldn’t be sure she’d ever be good company again.

“All the more reason for me to be here.” Tracy took the empty bag from Suzanne and handed her a glass of wine instead. “John’s anniversary is coming up.”

“Mm. I’m well aware.” Suzanne kicked off her shoes and dragged herself into the living room. “I had plans, but they’re no longer going ahead.”

“Plans?”

“John is buried at the same cemetery as Jen’s best friend. We were going to visit their graves together, and then she was taking me out for dinner.” Suzanne caught the tremble in her voice. Her biggest regret today was not reaching out to Jen.

“Did you want me to come with you?”

Suzanne looked up at Tracy, a hint of disdain for her best friend. If she’d never told Suzanne who Jen was, she could have spent this week making those solid plans with her. “No, thanks. It was something Jen and I wanted to do together.”

“Okay, but Jen has been around for a couple of months, Suzanne. I’ve been here for the best part of twenty years.”

“And you’re also the reason I’ve spent this entire week feeling incredibly miserable.” Suzanne lowered her wine glass to the side table. “Don’t bring wine over anymore. Jen doesn’t drink, and I was quite enjoying being sober with her. I don’t even want the glass you’ve just poured me.”

“I know it’s shitty, but don’t take it out on me. I was only telling you,my best friend, the truth. Something the woman yousupposedlylove wasn’t capable of doing!”

“I was so angry that I packed up her belongings and asked her to leave. I didn’t even give her the chance to explain.” Suzanne’s stomach flipped at the mere reminder of the way she’d spoken to Jen that night. She could see how devastated Jen had been, but Suzanne just had to kick her while she was already down. Cruel. That’s what she’d been. Entirely cruel.

“She spent thirteen months behind bars. I’m not sure what there is to explain.” Tracy scoffed as she lowered herself to the opposite couch. “I know you’re ready to move on, but you can do better.”

“Why? Because you say so?” Suzanne had spent most of her friendship with Tracy being told what to do and when to do it. When John died, it only got worse. Considering Suzanne was older than Tracy by three years, she certainly enjoyed mothering her. “This may be hard for you to understand, but Jen made me happy. There were times when it felt as though we’d known one another for years, not just a couple of months. And the way she held me. God, I didn’t even feel that much comfort with John.”

“Considering you felt this way about her, you kicked her out the door quick enough.”

“Because I was angry. More so with you than anything else. You just landed it on me and then told me to ask her for answers. I mean, how bad was it?”

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