Page 55 of Life After

“Next time it’s on me, okay?”

“Next time,” Suzanne said, managing the smallest smile. “I wasn’t sure if there would be a next time.”

Jen stopped on the pathway, halting Suzanne, too. “I’m sorry? Whywouldn’tthere be a next time?”

“I don’t know. Tonight feels different.” Suzanne guided Jen towards a bench nearby. Once they’d taken a seat, she waited with bated breath for more from Suzanne. “You feel distant.”

Fuck. Jen hadn’t meant to come across that way. She was just trying to get back into the right mindset. She wanted to be entirely here and not in her own head, but it was hard. Suzanne knew who she was now, and even though Jen didn’t want it to…it did change everything. “I’m trying to just be me. The meyouknow anyway. But that’s not who I am to you anymore, and I understand that.”

“You’ve lost me, Jen. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Jen turned side-on and took Suzanne’s hand. “I just want us to be the way we were before everything changed. I thought that was how I would feel when we got back together, but I have it in my head that you probably think differently of me now.”

“I don’t think differently of you. To me, you’re still just you.”

Jen wanted to believe that, but it was a struggle. “It’s just taking me a moment longer than I thought it would, that’s all. But I do definitely want another date. I want so many more, Suzanne.”

“Is that all I am to you now? Just your date…”

Jen’s brows drew together. Suzanne was so much more than that. “Just my date? No, babe. Of course not.”

“That’s how you introduced me to your friend.” Suzanne crossed her legs and looked out at the darkened park. “And if that’s the way it has to be, I understand. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Shit. I didn’t even realise I’d done that.” Jen scrubbed a hand down her face. “I’m fucking this up a bit tonight, aren’t I?”

“Not at all. Dinner with you was great. Tonight just feels a little odd to me.”

Jen got that. It had felt odd to her, too. Especially when she had spotted Lizzie at the restaurant. Part of Jen wanted to just ignore her and smile, but Lizzie had done nothing wrong when it came to her past with Jen. “Yeah, I know. I was shocked to see Lizzie, and I think that just threw me a bit.”

“But her reaction to seeing you was a good sign, right? You said you’ve lost all of your friends and most of your family, but she seemed happy to bump into you. She surely wouldn’t have invited you to get together for a catch-up if she didn’t want to remain friends with you.”

Jen grimaced ever so slightly. Suzanne was already wary of how this night had played out. How would she react to finding out who Lizzie was? Jen briefly thought about not telling her, but look where that had got her last time! “Lizzie is my ex.”

“O-oh.”

“My ex-fiancée, to be specific.”

Suzanne shifted uncomfortably on the bench as she cleared her throat. “Well, then, I guess it’s nice that you’re still amicable with one another. She certainly looked happy to see you.”

“I was quite surprised that she came over to me. It wasn’t the expected reaction, that’s for sure.”

“Ended badly?” Suzanne asked. She seemed distracted, perhaps in her head a little, but she had nothing to worry about. Jen and Lizzie had been a long time ago now.

“It ended better than it should have.” Jen laughed, but Suzanne didn’t join in. She just glared at Jen. “Lizzie and I were together for six years. We had a house together, a great life with one another, and then everything happened with Ruby. A couple of years into my fuck ups, she left me. She couldn’t handle me anymore, but I never would have expected her to.”

“I see.” Suzanne rolled her lips inwards. “So, you didn’t break up because you didn’t love one another anymore?”

“Lizzie didn’t love me anymore. It’s why she left. I’d made her life hell for two years.” Jen would never forget the look in Lizzie’s eyes as she kicked Jen out the door and changed the locks. “As for me, I’m not sure I loved anyone at that point in my life. I hatedeverythingI’d become. I couldn’t look after myself, let alone love another person.”

“She seemed very fond of you.” Suzanne’s dark eyes clouded over as Jen looked back at her. Was Suzanne questioning whether it could be going somewhere with Lizzie again? Absolutely not. “And she most definitely wants to get together when you’re available.”

“Lizzie and I were friends for a long time before we started a relationship. Ruby and I had gone through school with Lizzie. She spent most of her late teens and early twenties in the closet, but then one thing led to another, and we started dating. She was another best friend to me, even though she was my fiancée.”

“Yet she left you to fend for yourself when you needed help.”

Ouch. Jen didn’t like Suzanne’s tone as she spoke that out loud.

“I think she had to walk away for her own sanity. I’d already pushed her away within a few months of Ruby dying. I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did.” Jen toyed with the frayed denim on the knee of her jeans. “Lizzie has a good heart. I was the one who ruined our relationship, and I admit that.”

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