Page 126 of Even Beneath the Stars

He's almost as excited to pack his overnight bag as for the sleepover itself. "Lookit, Xave, my suitcase is a ladybug when I close it up!" Finn holds his new child-size suitcase up to the camera so Xavier can see it over our Zoom call.

Xave tilts his head, running his thumb over his bottom lip through the laptop screen. "Sweet. I like it."

He looks like he just rolled out of bed, which he probably did, given the time difference in L.A. His bare shoulders and chest catch the California sunlight streaming through the tall hotel windows. His hair sticks up in wild peaks, like he's been running his hands through it while writing lyrics, and a flush spreads across his cheeks, hearing Finn's infectious enthusiasm.

Dark smudges beneath his eyes betray too many late nights in the studio. His shoulders slump against the headboard, and his eyelids droop even as his smile widens at Finn's antics.He looks both completely content and utterly drained.

"And I have two pjs because Maggie said I should have a number one choice and a number two choice that's a spare, just in case. And I have two stuffies and a hot wheels car and clothes for tomorrow. And a toothbrush and toothpaste that are in another little tiny bag."

Xave laughs. "And all this stuff fits in your ladybug suitcase?"

"Yep!"

"Sounds like you're all set."

"Uh-huh. I'm ready to go right now but Maggie says we have to wait until two more hours." He holds up two fingers.

"Have you been looking after Maggie for me, while I'm gone?"

Finn giggles. "Maggie looks afterme,silly!"

Xave feigns confusion. "I thought you were supposed to be looking after her. Making sure she doesn't pair orange pants with a pink top, that kind of thing. She gets out of control if you don't keep an eye on her." He winks at me and I'm pretty sure I full-on swoon.

Through the laptop speakers, a knock echoes from Xavier's end, followed by a man's voice. "Wakey wakey, Rockwell. We pull out in twenty."

"Yeah, I'll see you down in the lobby," Xavier calls back before turning to face us again. "Hey Finn, can I ask you a favor?"

"Okay." Finn bounces on his knees next to me on his bed.

"Could you ask Lumen's mom to take a photo of you at your sleepover tonight? Have her text it to Maggie so she can forward it to me?"

Finn nods eagerly. "Okay!"

"Have fun tonight, buddy."

"I'm gonna have so much fun.!"

Xavier's expression softens, his voice going quiet. "I love you, dude. So freakin' much. I'm proud of you."

"I love you, too," Finn beams. "And I'm proud of you, too."

Xavier laughs, the sound warm and genuine despite his obvious exhaustion. He shifts his attention to me. "I'll call you later today. I want to see what more you got done on your beach-shack diorama."

"Cool. Have fun in the recording studio."

"Always." A familiar mischievous glint sparks in his eyes. "You look smokin' by the way."

"Gross." Finn sticks out his tongue.

Xavier throws me a wink, then leans in and ends the call.

I feel melancholy after dropping Finn off for his sleepover. I’m so happy for him. But there’s this ache, too. A deep attachment growing; this part of me that feels the pull of something I won’t have forever.

Denise knows it too. That graduation is approaching, and the start date of the classes I registered for looming, some of them evening and weekend courses. She's upping her efforts looking for the long-term nanny. A few more candidates have shadowed me, but still, none are a fit. And I feel guilty for being relievedeach time Denise sighs and crosses another name off her list, because it isn't fair of me. I should want them to find someone amazing to step in full-time.

More time passes.

Some nights, when Finn is asleep and Xave is home, the two of us sit up in the Observatory, talking about everything except the things that feel too fragile to name. I tell him about the art gallery in town that’s agreed to feature one of my pieces, how my online store is almost ready to go live. Just a few more completed pieces and it'll feel like enough to give a good sense of my skillset and style. I tell him about the courses I'll be taking—some art and carpentry classes and a couple of business courses.

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