Page 109 of Even After Sunset

Jackie

His email is… perfect.

At first I was disappointed that the message was so short and… well, brimming with sarcasm. But then I realized it wouldn’t be Silas if he sent a flowery note confessing his feelings and disclosing his inner thoughts. It would be awkward if he suddenly started acting differently - and I would hate it; because I don’t want him to become someone else. I just want him to be happy with who he is.

I write him back right away, and I keep writing every day after that. His responses are sporadic and almost always short, but at least he writes. And he does open up a bit more over the coming days. He starts to acknowledge his drinking problem, too:

I’ve been sober for 28 days. Feels good but still hard. Instead of cheesy congratulatory card, please send bottle of rye. JK. (Sort of)

And then:

33 days sober and starting to sleep better at night. Daytimes are ok. After sunset is when I struggle most. Like as soon as the sun dips, so does my willpower. And I worry about getting those fucking nightmares. Working at keeping them away tho. They have me talking to enough shrinks here to form an entire basketball team. Not even joking. Also putme on sleeping pills which help. Or could be my new roommate and his long-ass stories. I’m out in 9 days, thank God, because too much longer with this guy and I’d take up drinking again just to deal. He actually writes poetry. Haven’t asked yet, but I’ll bet he scrapbooks too. Btw ur never gonna guess who my sponsor is… Fucking Steve Clark! The biker roadie dude from the festivals. Crazy, huh? We’ve been in touch. He’s a good guy. Can’t believe he doesn’t hate my ass by now. Must be my charming personality that makes him tolerate the rest of my bullshit.

I email him back:

You’re a freaking rock star. I mean, obviously because of the 33 days sober thing, but mainly because your roommate sounds like a lot to take, and your total polar opposite, and yet you seem to be handling it ok. Maybe you’ve taken up scrapbooking since your last email? In which case, no judgment from me. Seriously though, hang in there. Be strong. Basically, keep being the badass dude you already are. Pitter patter. You’ve got this. I miss you and I think about you so much. Especially after sunset.

And his final email before my last day on the road stuns me with its sincerity. It makes me cry. It makes me miss him more than ever.

And thank you thank you thank you Silas Carmichael for sticking it out through rehab and admitting you needed help and for not shutting me out for good.

I read his last email over about fifteen times, just to remind myself that it’s real. And that Silas is getting better.

Miracles do happen. They found a foster family crazy enough to take me in. Remember those txts you read from Maggs? My next-door neighbor? I’m gonna be living with her family. With her and her mom. I guess Credence (her mom’s real name. Swear to God) offered to be my foster parent. Which makes me suspect she might be mentally unbalanced, butwhatever. She’s one of those new-age hippie feminist chicks, so same thing I guess. Anyway, she and Maggs moved to a new house in Sandy Haven last month. Looks like I’ll be moving up in the world. Also means you haven’t seen the last of me yet, Jackie Delaney.

Can’t believe your last day on the road is tomorrow. Hope it’s the best one yet. Wish I could’ve been there with you for the last couple of days. Other than the playlists from hell, road tripping with you was the best memories I’ve had since I was a kid. Sorry I was an ass for most of it. And sorry about the drinking. I tried to stop. Honest. But turns out I was more far-gone than I thought. Promise I’ll do better this time and stay clean. Even after sunset.

Correction: I promise to stay sober as long as Credence doesn’t force me to read poetry or start eating tofu or some shit. In which case, all bets are off.

Take tons of photos so I can see what I missed. Enjoy the road. Crank the tunes (even if they are cheerier than a unicorn shitting rainbows) and soak it all in.

See you soon.

Silas

X

PS You go grrrrrrl ; )

Chapter Forty-Six

Jackie

“Jackie Delaney is baaacck, y’all!”

I hear Sebastian’s voice before I even turn onto my street. And then when I round the corner, I see them: all my friends crowded together on my front lawn to welcome me home, cheering and whooping and hollering. With Richard and Meryl standing in front, cheering the loudest.

There are burgers and hot dogs on the grill, potato salad and lemonade and chips and more of Meryl’s homemade squares and baking than we’ll be able to eat in one evening. I hug and laugh and catch up with everyone, scroll through photos of my trip and pour over photos from my friends’ summer here in Sandy Haven.

I am even more nostalgic than I thought I would be as I swipe through photos from my trip. And proud for going ten weeks where every day and every place was new and different. But gosh,is it ever good to be home. Is it ever amazing to be in my own back yard, in a space that holds years of memories, and people who are all familiar.

“Sebastian and Xave are having a lemon square eating contest!” Mel Lanhart squeals, grabbing my sleeve and tugging me toward the dessert table. “Loser has to offer to sing the National Anthem at the first game of the season!”

And of course I follow her, because this is something I cannot miss.

I’m glad I’ve become better at dealing with change and handling unfamiliar situations. But also, I’m even happier to see that some things never change. And I know in a few days, I’ll be back to school and there will be homework and teststo study for and college applications to fill out and friend drama to deal with… but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I like my life, and I have no regrets.

Even though I spent my entire summer running a cookie business only to realize I don’t even like baking cookies, I’m still glad I did it. I like that instead of it being about me working toward my carefully laid-out plan, it became about getting comfortable with sometimes deviating from the plan, and adapting and failing and being able to laugh at my failures and celebrate successes I didn’t even know were in my future.

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