Page 95 of Even After Sunset

I am definitely going to hell. Not like that’s some kind of plot twist or anything, but still, I do feel bad. Last night was a totally unique situation, though. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was desperate. And it was a total one-off thing.

I went through all these points this morning with Jax. She let me sleep in until ten, even after I walked out on her last night and came back an hour later drunk off my ass. After I’d told her three weeks ago I wasn’t gonna get stumble-drunk anymore.

I seriously don’t deserve her.

Steve nods.

“Alright, then,” he says. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. Because seriously—it could mean he legitimately believes me, or it could mean he’s even more convinced now that I’m lying.

Nothing I can do about it, though. Except make sure I don’t screw up again.

We go back to taping in silence.

Chapter Thirty

Jackie

It pours with rain over the next two days and they even cancel the last day of the festival in Dorset. It’s supposed to clear up later tonight though, so Steve made the call to wait until then for the guys to do teardown. Which means we have a bonus free day, so Silas and I take the opportunity to do a mini excursion into Ticonderoga, in bordering New York, to check out the set of the original Star Trek series. Neither of us has ever watched an episode of Star Trek before, but it’s still really cool.

When we get back, Silas grabs a quick bite, then heads out to do teardown and load the trucks, while I bake four batches of cookies. I’m in bed reading, barely awake when he gets back just after midnight.

He pours himself a glass of water and comes to lean against the doorway at the foot of my bed.

“You shouldn’t have waited up,” he says, giving me a lopsided smile. He looks exhausted.

“I wanted to,” I tell him, shutting off my e-reader.

He downs the entire glass of water in four gulps, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. The low reading light shines off his moistened lips as he watches me beneath hooded lids.

“Well, I’m gonna hit the sack,” he says.

I nod. “Kay… g’night.”

“G’night.”

He turns and heads into the bathroom. And a couple minutes later I hear him setting up his bed. He turns off the overhead light and there’s a moment of rustling… and then silence.

I close my eyes and try to switch my brain off. I’m drained, too; it’s been a full day. A good day.

But I can’t turn off my thoughts, especially the one rolling over and over inside my head:

Why didn’t he kiss me goodnight?

Chapter Thirty-One

Jackie

Silas is distant over the next few days, and moodier. More like the surly, unpredictable guy from the first couple weeks of our road-trip arrangement. He’s started slipping out again in the evenings too, which is something he used to do a lot back when he still had his walls fully erected and was intent on spending time alone. Or at least, somewhere other than with Trudy and me.

I find myself watching him more closely, studying his moods and dissecting his behavior for hints that he might be drinking again, the way he was before the incident that briefly lost him his job.

I don’t really know the various levels of inebriation he’s been in over the time he’s been with me, so my baseline is kind of skewed. So even when I think he’s sober, I still question it sometimes. Especially when he goes out after his phonecalls with Richard, and then falls asleep within minutes of getting back again, usually in the wee hours of the morning.

I hate that I’m thinking these things, and I feel guilty for being suspicious of his sobriety. I shouldn’t feel suspicious of anything that he does, because if this… thing—whatever it is between us, is going to work, then I need to trust him.

At least, those are my thoughts up until the night he goes and blows that trust right up in my face.

I’m working on covers for a three-book regency werewolf romance series (Bitten by a Duke, Howling at the Duchess, and Scavenging with a Marquis, to be exact), and Silas is playing games on his phone when he gets a text. A few minutes later, he announces he’s going to meet up with the bassist and drum player from one of the bands he’s been hanging out with occasionally over the past couple of weeks.

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