Page 13 of Deceptively Dead

Chapter Fourteen

I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging wide open as I stare back into Hunter’s dark gaze, but I can’t seem to pick my jaw up off the ground. Of all the things I thought might come from this conversation… that was not one of them. I finally look away from Hunter, wanting confirmation that he is indeed talking for the group. And, as I look into each of their handsome faces, I find it. There’s nothing in any of their expressions that says they might be joking, or that they disagree with what Hunter said. It’s too much. My eyes flit from face to face, feeling as though they are bugging out of my head, as my brain short circuits and tries to reboot itself. I struggle to string a sentence together, so many questions and thoughts racing inside my brain that they all get jammed up and nothing comes out. “You… what-… I don’t…” I stutter, searching wildly for the words I need.

Chase takes pity on me and runs a large, warm hand down my arm before lacing his fingers with mine. When he squeezes my hand, I turn to look at him and he gives me a reassuringsmile. “Angel, we should have told you sooner, but really, we only had a chance to talk about things last night, then with this crazy day, it just slipped our minds to fill you in. I’m so sorry we made you think… well, you know, that you might have hurt us or something…” and just like that I flick from stunned straight back to furious. I open my mouth again to speak, but a rough hand covers it before a sound can emerge and Nate’s smooth voice whispers from behind me, “Just remember where we are Trouble. No yelling. I can tell you want to, but I’d rather not have to chop our way through a horde of dead bodies in the morning.” I only just resist the urge to clamp my teeth down on Nate’s hand and instead manage a civil nod of my head to show I got it. How the fuck did he get behind me anyway? Must have happened while my brain was malfunctioning.

“Let me get this straight, you fuckers decided,without me, that you would all what? Share me? Date me? Fucking own me?! Who the hell do you think you are to decide that? What if I don’t want to be part of whatever the hell is going on here? Do I even get a choice? Is that what this is? I don’t get a choice!?” I finally find my voice and deliver the tirade in a near soundless scream that has each of them flinching, even as they lean forward to hear what I’m saying. “I’m not your property! You don’t get to decide what’s good for me! I won’t belong to anyone. Never again.” I say the last part as my hands start to tremble in fear. Logically, I know they aren’t trying to trap me, exploit me or own me, but the mere thought of being someone’s property again has my stomach turning.And, besides, nobody ever said trauma understands logic.I turn my head away as I start to dry heave and Nate rushes to explain.

“No! No, no it’s not like that! We would never… we’re not like that, Trouble, we’re not. We would never force you to do something you don’t want. If you don’t want this, us, you just say the word. We will still protect you and keep you safe, we aren’tgoing to abandon you just because you don’t want to be with us. We know you aren’t our property; we would never want you to be! You’re perfect as you are, we don’t want to change that. We just… we want to be part of it. Part of you.” Someone is rubbing soothing circles over my back as I stay faced away from them all as Nate continues “Look I know we haven’t known you very long and this is probably a bit of a culture shock to you. We get it. It was weird for us to start with too. But we like you. All of us like you. And we want you to like us too. But it’s ok if you don’t! Shit, this is hard. I guess, we just want you to know you don’t have to choose just one of us. But if you did… well shit. I don’t really know what we would do if you did…” He trails off helplessly, neither of the other guys jumping in to cut off his rambling.

I turn back to face them slowly, having calmed down significantly during Nate’s speech.Of course, these guys don’t want to hurt me or own me, I know that. Somewhere down deep in my soul I know that they will always look out for me. They’ve saved me more than enough times and I can justfeelthat they will keep saving me, if I let them.“Ok” I say quietly, then a little louder, “Its ok. I’m sorry I freaked out a little. I know you wouldn’t do anything likethem.”I mumble the words at the floor.

“Like who?” Hunter growls, “What did they do to you?” And I realize that I said the ‘them’ part out loud and never really told they guys what I had gone through at the compound. I absolutely donotwant to open this can of worms right now.

“No one. Nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.” I mutter quietly, hoping they drop it.

I don’t look up as the silence grows and becomes a bit awkward between us. Eventually, Chase clears his throat quietly and hands me a tin of cold beans and a spoon. I eat with my eyes fixed to a spot on the floor and listen to each of the others as they receive their own beans and eat in silence too.

I use the strained quiet to sort out my feelings on this new development.Obviously, I like each of these guys, I mean I spent most of the day lamenting that I would never choose between them, and now… well, now I won’t have to. They’ve basically handed me everything I want on a silver platter when I think about it. Yes, their approach had been a bit conceited, but my guess is they just genuinely forgot that I wouldn’t understand what was happening. They have been a group for so long that it may not have crossed their minds to include me in their conversation, instead they just decided to move forward. That is certainly something that I will not allow to happen again, but I can forgive one oversight. The pro’s of the situation really do outweigh the cons at the moment. With them I’ll never be alone, never be prey again. I won’t have to watch my own back because I’ll have someone to watch it for me, several someone’s. With them I can be safe… or as safe as anyone can be with corpses roaming about, I guess. But what do I bring them? Likely nothing good. Jacob won’t stop hunting me just because they’re with me, he doesn’t care about collateral damage, and the guys would pose a threat to him if he knew about them anyway. It makes me physically sick to think about what Jacob would do to my guys if he found me with them. Maybe it’s a bit egotistical of me but I have a feeling I’ve become Jacob’s new obsession; the worm likes to hunt and he likes to win. Is it worth risking these guy’s lives just so I can feel the illusion of safety for however long I have left?

I cast a quick look up from my beans, letting my gaze run over each of their powerful frames in the dim light. They don’t notice my scrutiny at first, too lost in their own thoughts and beans, and it makes me smile. As soon as my facial muscles twitch, Hunter’s head swings in my direction, his dark gaze sweeping across my face and body, checking to make sure I’m ok. Hegives me a faint smile in return when he notes my expression, a questioning look crossing his handsome features.

Fuck’s sake…It doesn’t matter, I realize…none of my inner ramblings matter. Because, I know, without a doubt, they would never let me walk away. Oh, sure, I bet they would give me the illusion of leaving, maybe wait a minute or two before they followed me but eventually, they would corral me back to their side and take me back to wherever they call home. I can feel it in the way Hunter watches me all the time and the in the way Chase makes me laugh and trails light touches over me whenever he’s near. Don’t even get me started on the way Nate kissed me and held my hand throughout the day, never letting me get more than a few feet from him before he would reel me back to his side. But mostly, I can see it in each of their eyes. It’s that possessive glint that I thought I knew so well. I recognize that little glint, I saw it in the eyes of Jacob and Ben more times than I care to count.

I wait for the panic that thought should instill in me to make me want to run, but it never comes. I don’t know why, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I watchthemthe same way.

And there’s my answer, isn’t it? I won’t let them go. So, if that means going all in with this crazy attraction… well I guess I better hope they are there to catch me when I fall.

“Alright” I say, still looking down at my tin of beans “What, exactly, do you mean by ‘cultural changes’?” I ask as I look up to find all their eyes on me. Their expressions are eerily similar and filled with a reserved kind of hope that makes my chest hurt. The silence that follows my question stretches into a little awkwardness as they all continue to stare at me. I squirm a little and clear my throat. That seems to snap them out of their weird trance and Hunter answers my question.

“Like I said before, the male to female population is drastically changed, to compensate for this, most women in our… group, have found that taking multiple partners allows them to not only keep peace but also to feel safer. Not all the women in our community are like you, Angie” he hurriedly adds as I glower at him for the poor weak women implication “A lot of them can’t fight and don’t want to, either. Having multiple partners ensures they don’t have to, unless there’s a drastic reason, we make sure everyone can take care of themselves if they need to. Of course, women don’t have to take multiple partners, or any at all, but the community in general has found this way is working for us, so that’s just how it has been for a while now.” He finishes, a bit lamely. I nod my head because I totally get it, in this world the more people you have to watch your back the better, if that means entering into an unconventional relationship, who the fuck cares? It’s a god damn apocalypse for crying out loud, if you can’t have multiple boyfriends now, when can you?

“So, have any of you… you know, done this before?” I question hesitantly, then immediately regret the question because I donotfucking want to know if any of them have shared a girl before. It has me seeing red for absolutely no reason, it’s not like I’ve had a claim on these guys for long. I mean do I even have a claim on them now? Before I can take it back, they each answer with a gruff “No” as if they’d somehow rehearsed it. It’s a bit creepy.

“Well, ok then.” I say with a tight smile, while I secretly melt on the inside with relief. “I’m glad I’m not the only one that’s new to this…”

“Wait, so you’ll give it a shot? You don’t just want to pick one of us? You don’t think we’re crazy or weird? Just like that?” Chase asks, almost disbelievingly.

“Well, I mean, I do think you’re both weird and a little crazy but essentially, yeah, just like that.” I reply honestly. “I alreadyknew I couldn’t choose one of you so, yeah. Thanks for making this easy I guess?”

That startles a laugh out of them, and I smile in return before my jaw basically unhinges with a massive yawn.

“Sleep.” Hunter orders, placing his empty can down on the floor and rising. The guys efficiently bustle about the tiny space, clearing the used tins, including mine, and repacking the utensils before stacking their packs neatly at the end of the platform. No-one says a word as they move seamlessly through the cramped space and just like that, the strangest conversation I’ve been part of in a long time comes to an end. Nate produces a blanket and lays it along the floor before laying down on top of it, sans weapons but fully clothed. Chase follows up with a blanket of his own but hesitates before laying down. “Angel, why are you still sitting there? Loose the weapons and get in, we’re tired.” I just gape at him, making absolutely no move to do as he asks and he raises his eyebrows at me and jiggles the blanket in his hands as if that might get me moving. And, dammit, it does. I crawl over to Nate, stripping off my holsters and placing them off to the side of the blanket before plonking my butt down next to him. I reach for my shoes but hesitate when I realize I’m the only one looking to take them off.

“Umm, are we just going to sleep in our shoes, or?” I ask the platform in general.

Hunter answers from the opposite corner, where’s he’s made himself comfortable sitting against the packs so he can see out the old camo netting to the forest beyond, “Yes, when we’re not in a secure place we sleep in our gear at all times. Just in case. Now, get some rest.”

I shrug, because I mean, you can’t really argue with that logic - trying to find your shoes when running for your life is no fun - and lay down next to Nate, who immediately hooks an arm around my waist and pulls me closer. I lay rigid in his arms,definitely not used to cuddling, as Chase lays himself down on my other side, covering us all with his blanket as he does. When he reaches out and takes one of my hands my heart rate skitters out of control, and I start to sweat even though the night is chilly. Hunter blows out the candle and in the darkness my breathing sounds way too loud.

“Go to sleep, Angel” Chase murmurs as he begins to rub circles with his thumb, on the back of my hand, “You’re ok, nothing’s gunna happen, it’s just us.”

“You’re safe, Trouble, just relax. We got you, it’s just us here.” Nate pipes in, giving my waist a quick squeeze. Somehow, their voices soothe me and in no time at all I find myself drifting into a deep, restful sleep to the sound of their soft reassurances.

Chapter Fifteen

Iwake up deliciously warm and a little disoriented. Somehow, during the night I seem to have ended up with my top half sprawled face down across Nate’s muscled chest and my legs tangled together with Chase’s. A large, warm hand is resting against my bare hip and another is tucked into my short, dirty hair. I wait, resigned, for the panic to set in. But with each passing second I feel nothing but more comfortable and safe. I decide to do a quick flick through my memories, wondering why this isn’t setting off my panic buttons, and realize that I never had to stay. I never had to snuggle or sleep, after, when they were done, they’d send me away or sometimes (usually with Ben), I’d sit awake in the corner while they slept until they needed me again. I release a little sigh of relief and relax against Nate’s chest again, happy beyond words that this simple pleasure hasn’t been taken from me.

“Hey there, Trouble, had us worried for a second. Thought you might come up swinging.” Nate’s sleep roughened voice vibratesthrough my body and sends a zing of awareness straight to my core. I shiver involuntarily and feel his hand tighten in my hair in response. Only then do I notice that they had both been holding so still, letting me work through whatever issues I might have had on my own. I smile and try to snuggle myself deeper into Nate’s chest and he releases a shuddering sigh of his own.

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