Page 20 of Deceptively Dead

“Ok. Right. Ok.” I start, already struggling for words as I start to pace the length of the bed, blanket dragging behind me like a heavy train on a dress, but much less elegant. “So. You guys know that I was at the compound for a few years, that I learned to fight there and that I was looking out for the women with kids?” They all nod their heads obediently, but I can’t look at them directly as I continue. “Well, I didn’t mention that those women are all, for lack of a better explanation, sex slaves. Breeding mares, if you will. Jacob… he keeps the girls he finds, breeds them,rapes them,to continue on the human legacy or some such bullshit. And I was one of them for… for a long time. But; and this might be a deal breaker for you guys, I don’t breed. My bits don’t work and the thought of having children makes me want to vomit.” I pause and take in a deep breath to gauge their reactions to this statement, because it is one hundred percent the truth, even if I could have kids there is no way I would bring a child into this world. I expect at least one of them to be upset about the declaration, but surprisingly each of them nods in agreement, no one looking particularly unhappy. I must look confused because Hunter speaks up for them.

“None of us want kids, Angie. Bringing them in to a world like this is insane. What kind of life would they lead? How would they grow up happy and carefree? It might be ok for other people but not for us.”

Ugh, these guys. Why do they fit me so well?

“Anyway,” I clear my throat and shake my head, trying to fling out the gooey feeling inside of me and get back in to the head space of talking about the shitshow that used to be my life, “Jacob likes his new girls, they are always the flavor of the month, or until he finds another one. He, um, wasfascinated,by the fact that I didn’t become immediately pregnant. I guess it started off as a challenge to him but then he’d get mad about it… look, I don’twantto get into the nitty gritty of it. He found me at my lowest point, starved, lonely and poisoned by the red berries. He promised me everything. Food, safety, shelter, you name it, he promised it. I went there without fight and for my naivety he abused me in every way you can imagine. I was tortured and raped, beaten and belittled and quite frankly I would rather not explain every little detail to you all just so you feel included!” Ok. So, I was screeching again at this point. I guess I wasn’t as calm as I thought. But those things that had happened to me, they weremineand I was determined that they would stay locked in their box, buried deep in my soul under mounds of broken concrete and sunk below oceans of blood and tears.Dang girl, easy up on the blood oceans metaphor, it’s a bit dramatic.I take a few deep, calming breaths.

I shake my head again to get my focus back and register the matching looks of denial on each of the guys faces. Denial and sadness.Balls.

“Look, sorry. I know that’s not why you needed to know” I hold up my hands placatingly, “but I’m not ready to share the play by play. I’ll probably never be ready to share it. But I can give you the truth of how I ended up escaping?” I offer the olive branch tentatively, not knowing if they are going to push for more.

It honestly shouldn’t surprise me when they all nod their agreement without hesitation, along with a murmured “Whatever you need” from Chase, but it does. I think it alwayswill. I am so used to men demanding, taking what they want and fuck the repercussions for other people.

“Ok.” I scrub at my leaky eyes and drag in a lung full of air to start my story up, again. “A couple of months in and another girl came, I can’t remember her name and she didn’t last very long but she broke the weird trance Jacob was in with me. He started handing me out to the Knights after that, losing interest in me altogether. He’d pass me out for jobs well done and most of the knights would use me and let me go. Some of them weren’t even horrible people.” Cue three angry, growly denials. “Yeah, yeah. I know. But compared to the others… yeah some of them weren’t so bad. Anyway, this happened for… months? Years? I don’t know, it felt like eternity and one of the knights became… obsessed, I guess? He would stalk me around the compound, constantly find ways to get me alone, or to have Jacob send me to him of a night. He scared me. The girls in the harem eventually convinced Jacob to give me a new job, guarding them. They actually got a guy killed to get me that job. They claimed he kept sneaking in to watch them, which was probably true, to be honest. Anyway, Jacob had me train during the day and rewarding his soldiers at night until the harem girls managed to get me out of that too, they said they didn’t feel safe at night, so I had to stay with them constantly. It was masterful, really.” My eyes start leaking again at the thought of the women I left behind. I never even said goodbye. Or thank you. Such an inspiring way to repay their kindness. “Anyway,” I wave away the emotion “eventually all the… the sex stuff stopped and I got to focus on learning how to kick ass. As you can probably tell, I got cut up and beaten and broken on a pretty regular basis but I learned the things they taught me. Then I got the opportunity I had been unknowingly waiting for when the zombies attacked. I… I was resigned to dying in that place. I thought I’d never get away and once the knights left me alone… I didn’t think it was sobad. The physical pain from my training was actually rewarding, in a way. But then Ben… that was the guy who… scared me...he managed to get Jacob to give me to him again.” I see three sets of brains absorb his name and tuck it away. It’s kind of scary. And a bit sexy. They all look like they are ready to head out and hunt down every last Ben in the surrounding area.Definitely a bit sexy.

“I…” now this is the bit I’m most intimidated to tell them for some reason. Announcing to the three guys who saved me that I killed a guy in cold blood? Pretty up there on mydo not want to discusslist. I mean I know on a realistic level that I was defending myself, but it didn’t feel like that. I went with himintendingto end him that night. No way that wouldn’t have been classed as murder back in the day when stuff like that mattered.Come on now, do you honestly think these guys would bat an eyelid at you killing anyone? They practically exude death and destruction with their constant badassery and personal arsenal, put on your big girl panties and own that shit!

“I killed him!” I blurt, hurrying on before catching sight of their faces, “The night that the zombies came and Jacob said I had to go with him, I killed Ben. He didn’t have a weapon or anything and when he came towards me I just… I…” I clear my throat and level my gaze with theirs, meeting each stare head on, “I stabbed him in the stomach then I slit his throat like a butchered pig.” I tip my head back a little, raising my chin as I steel myself for rejection.I should know better by now, I guess.Because the only reaction I get is a downright evil smile from the doctor, an approving nod from Chase and a growled “Good.” From Hunter.

“I can’t believe you guys!” I burst out, “I killed a guy! He wasn’t even armed! Why aren’t you more horrified?”

“The question is, Trouble, whyare youso horrified?” asks Nate. Completely unreasonably, I might add. “That piece of shitraped you, touched you without permission and was going to do it again by the sounds of it. He deserved to die. Actually, he deserved to be tortured for days, weeks even, then cut apart bit by bit until there was nothing left of him. You are far too sweet.” He says the last part with a little bit of admonishment. I’m speechless for about five seconds.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a fucking doctor?! You can’t say stuff like that! It goes against your… code thingy!” I pause and stare down at them as they break out into manly giggles, sounding a lot like schoolgirls. Deep voiced, sexy and dangerous schoolgirls. Who apparently are not opposed to torture and dismemberment when the opportunity presents itself.Ok, not a great analogy.I plonk my tired ass on the bed, suddenly so worn out from this day I can’t even stand anymore. The giggles break off almost immediately as they all stand to tower over me.

“We must not have made it clear to you, sweetheart. We kill people. Alive and dead. People that need killing. I can assure you, our list is longer than yours will ever be, even if you went off and killed every single person in that cesspit they tried to keep you in, our list wound still be longer than yours.”Dang, that was a lot of people.“So, no. Nate does not have acode thingy.The only code we have is that no one fucks with us, or they die. That now includes you, Angie, and wewilldestroy anyone who wants to hurt you. No matter the cost, no matter the threat.”Be still my beating heart. Death threats and violence have never sounded so sweet.I’m speechless again, which seems to be happening a lot around these three. “Those fuckers that put hands on you are as good as dead, darlin’. Now, climb up into bed and get some rest. You look like you’re ready to drop.”

I blink at Hunter, more than a little stunned that he thinks an ominous death threat against the organisation that tortured me is the best way to get me to relax and snuggle in to bed.

Surprisingly,or I should say, unsurprisingly, at this point,my body has other ideas and my jaw cracks on a massive yawn. I cave a bit and wiggle back enough that I can scramble under the covers without flashing my naked butt. Chase gives me a sheepish smile and bends to pick something up off the ground. When he straightens he hands me a shirt.Hisshirt if the massive amount of fabric is any indication. He looks a little unsure as he hands it to me, but I don’t even think as I take it from him and slip it over my head. He looks relieved. Nate looks confused. I’m too tired to work out what’s happening.

“Out.” Hunter barks from the door. He hovers next to the light switch as the others leave. Just like that. No questions, no demands for more information. No speculation or judgment orthrown chairs. Not even a minor hissy fit. They just accept what I told them and continue on caring for me.It’s so weird. Like… like they just accepted all the broken bits and didn’t even think to try and smooth them out.It feels kind of nice to be accepted so completely. But also foreign, so very foreign.

“I just need to wrap that arm back up, Trouble, then you can sleep.” Nate says, approaching the bed and tugging down one side of my borrowed shirt to expose my shoulder. Hunter stays hovering by the light switch but Chase slinks out the door with a little wave and a blown kiss.

Nate works quickly on my bandage and once satisfied, takes a moment to tuck a stray hair behind my ear and kiss my forehead gently, lingering for a second to murmur a sweet goodnight against my skin.

“Good night, sweetheart.” Hunter murmurs as he flicks off the light behind Nate’s retreating form. I’m far too tired to unpack all the new feelings and information that tonight brought, so I just murmur a sleepy goodnight and tell myself I’ll deal with it another time. I’m good at that.

Chapter Twenty-three

Iwake up to the sound of screaming, followed promptly by thudding footsteps. Before I can even get untangled from the mess of sheet’s I’ve found myself in, the thudding footsteps turn into my door slamming open and three half naked, weapon brandishing and very angry men bursting into the room.

I realise, somewhat belatedly, that the screaming must have been me.I must have had a nightmare.I come to this conclusion at about the same time as the guys must, because they lower their various pointy objects and relax their posture.

I’m still trying to detangle my sweaty body from the sheets and Chase’s huge shirt but eventually I manage to free myself without tumbling to the ground in an ungraceful lump. I quickly peer up at the concerned faces surrounding the bed and decide to state the obvious.

“I had a nightmare.”

“No shit, Trouble. You scared us half to fucking death.” Nate, of course, is the one to answer and I glower at him a little because it’s easier than letting them see how shaken I am.

“Do you remember what it was about?” Chase asks, perching his huge frame on the edge of the bed I just escaped.

I try to think back to what I was dreaming but it’s gone. Though I do get a flash of red hair and sweet brown eyes that makes me think of the harem girls. I just shake my head at Chase and move in closer to him until I’m pressed against his warmth to help me ward off the sudden chill. Then I continue moving in until I am sufficiently plastered against his back like a giant band-aid. Only then do I let out a sleepy sigh and feel Chase relax underneath me. I allow his warmth to pull me peacefully back towards the land of sleep. At least until a strong arm hooks around my waist and hauls me backwards over the bed with an undignified squeak. Straight into another hard, warm chest.

I twist my neck a little to peer at the source of my disturbance and Nate glares back at me with some sort of challenge in his eyes. I try to puzzle out his emotions for half a second before my brain switches back into sleep mode and I simply twist in his arms and plaster myself againsthischest.Tired me is a hug slut. What can I say?Nate makes a satisfied grunting noise before sweeping me into his arms and moving back towards the top of the bed.

“I’m staying with her tonight, to make sure she doesn’t have any more nightmares.” Nate tells the room and I groggily lift my head to peer at him, because he’s using a decidedly bossy tone that I don’t think will sit all that well with Hunter… but Hunter is already gone. Its only Chase left in the room, standing awkwardly on the other side of the bed while Nate glowers at him. “Straighten up the bed for us and get out.” Grumpy Nate snaps. He might still be a bit pissed at Chase for my earlier panic attack.

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