Page 50 of To Hold and Protect

“How about a beer?”

“I have some great craft beers that I pick up whenever I’m in Asheville.” That reminded him that he’d never gotten around to calling Andrea. He took two beers out of his mini fridge, and as he handed Willow one, he knew he wouldn’t be making that call.

With her flowery sundress, flip-flops, her hair up in a ponytail, and her face devoid of makeup, Willow made him think of a fresh-faced college girl. A very pretty one. In his painting frenzy, he’d startedWillow in the Moonlight. He needed to finish it, but that was it. No more Willow paintings.

“Let’s go sit on the deck.” The only place to sit in his studio was the daybed or his and Everly’s stools. The daybed was out, at least until they talked. He grabbed the throw from it.

“So many stars,” she said, looking up as they walked across the yard. “I’ve always lived in the city, where there was too much light to see the night sky like this.”

He lifted his gaze to the sky. “It helps that the moon is only a sliver.” When they reached the deck, he let her decide where to sit, at the table or in the rocking chairs. She chose a rocker. When she was seated, he slipped the throw over her shoulders. Although it was late spring, it still got chilly at night.

“Thanks.” She rested her head on the back of the rocker. “This is nice, but I like my swing better.” She shifted her gaze to him. “So...”

“Yeah, so.” He should’ve planned what he was going to say.

“If you’ve changed your mind about having a fling, that’s fine, but respect me enough to tell me instead of disappearing.”

He really was a jerk. “I haven’t changed my mind. I just needed a little time.”

“To do what?”

“Think, but I should have told you that. It wasn’t anything to do with you. It’s me.”

“Ah, the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me.’ Sorry, but that’s not working for me. Want to try again?”

It was a clichéd excuse, and she was right to call him out on it. He also liked that she had, that she was demanding he respect her. How truthful was he going to be? What did he have to lose by being honest with her?Nothing.She was leaving as soon as her house was sold, so she wasn’t expecting a future with him.

Besides, if they moved forward with seeing each other while she was here, and he wanted to, she needed to be aware of his weakness. And he wanted to talk to someone about it, but it wasn’t something he was comfortable discussing with his brothers. He sensed that he could talk about it with her and not be judged.

“You’re thinking mighty hard over there,” she said.

“I was trying to decide how honest to be with you.” He turned his head toward her. “I look at you, and I want to paint you.”

“Although I’m flattered and would feel really special if you did, I don’t understand why that’s a problem.”

What would she say if she knew he already had? “That’s how it starts for me. It happened with my girlfriends in high school and then Simone. But with you, the need to paint you burns like a fire inside me.”

“You must have felt that fire with Simone.”

“That’s the thing. Not like this.”

“What are you saying?”

“That I fall in love. Often and easily. It’s not a desirable trait.”

She stopped rocking as she frowned. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”

“No, but after we were together, I was ready to fall in love with you. The old me would have jumped right in, happily handing you my heart on a silver platter without thinking of the consequences, even after the consequences of loving Simone. That’s why I needed time. I can’t explain it, but being with you, inside you, was more than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I left you, thinking that I couldn’t let it happen again.”

“Not that we are, nor do we want to be, but what’s wrong with being in love?”

And this was where it got embarrassing, but he’d decided to be honest with her. “It never works out for me. My first girlfriend broke up with me because I was too needy. That was in the ninth grade. The next one said I didn’t need her. I did, but I was trying not to be needy. The third one accused me of smothering her. That was probably true and the reason I turned a blind eye to Simone’s faults. I didn’t want to smother her. I can’t seem to get it right, so I’ve taken falling in love off my life goals.” He sounded ridiculously pathetic even to his own ears. “And now I have Everly to think about, so she gave me even more reason to change.”

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because I want to keep seeing you while you’re here, but I’m not going to fall in love with you.”

“Okay.”

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