Page 29 of The Other Side of Together

Even dispersion: individuals are separated by a fairly even distance, yada yada yada, blah blah, blah. Etc. etc.

Okay. He’s gone. And that definition seems true. My school’s on the east side, you’re on the south, a whole lot in between. I don’t like any distance between us, even or not. It’d be way more fun if you were here. I can’t go to yours since, you know, don’t speak Chinese. Think there’s an eye-language school? It’d be small.

Anyway…if you were at my school right now, I’d be staring at you pretty hard from across the room. You wouldn’t find it creepy or annoying or anything. I’d be thinking of ways to ask you out and trashing all of them because they’re all stupid ideas since I don’t even know what you like to do. Major disadvantage. Gonna change that. Teacher’s coming again. MC out.

Islide Marcus’s note in the folder labeled “CALC” and shove it back in my bottom desk drawer before walking into the bathroom and pulling out my makeup bag.

There’s no way I’m walking through school with a greenish-purple cheek like the one in the mirror. I thought it would’ve faded at least a little by now. It hasn’t, a lot like my anger toward Nick. I still haven’t responded to any of his texts or calls from the past two days, but sooner or later I’ll have to. I don’t even want to speculate what ignoring him might mean for me or my family. So, I’ll just pretend a little longer. Wish I could pretend I didn’t have a calculus test today and stay home.

Grabbing my backpack off my bed, I hurry downstairs and out the front door to avoid Baba or Mama. I fast walk down the street and turn the corner, glancing up at Marcus’s window. Where I was two nights ago. With Marcus, whisper-laughing and talking about everything like we’ve known each other way longer than three weeks.

When the bus hisses to a stop and the door swishes open, I steal one last look at Buddha on Marcus’s windowsill before hauling myself onto the bus and dropping into my seat. I lean my head against the window while laughter and shouts ricochet off the metal roof, pelting me like hail. Traffic blurs past, and Lin darts through a break between cars, running for the bus like usual. A few seconds later, she drops beside me, adjusting the straps on her orange wedge sandals.

“Got stuck with dishes again.”

“Shocking.” I smile, keeping my bruised cheek toward the window.

“Seriously.” She rolls her eyes then squints and shoves her head into my space.

“Where were you yesterday?” Lin’s stare is like a laser on my face, hitting layers beneath the surface. “Did it have anything to do with all this makeup you’ve got going ontoday?” Lin frowns, her gold eyeshadow glinting. Her gaze is heavy, so I shift in my seat to push it away. “Marcus doesn’t even go to our school. And I know you aren’t doing it for Sean no matter how bad he wishes you were.”

I swallow and take another deep breath, let it out slowly to calm my heart, then talk to the green leather in front of us where someone has carved a misspelled swear word. “Just thought I’d give it a try.” I stretch my arm and put my fingertip over the slice in the leather seat, pretending it’s smooth like I wish my face was right now.

Lin drops her shoulders and rolls her eyes. “Makeup is wasted on your face. Let me know when you want to tell me the real reason you’re wearing it. And confirm what I already know about Gross Nick.” Her eyes flick to my bruised cheek. “What happened?”

Last time Lin asked probing questions, she found out about my family, so I’m surprised she’s digging. But I’m not saying a word this time. I can’t risk it.

“Okay…” Lin mutters under her breath. “Well, since you’re not talking,” she gestures to my cheek, “tell me what’s new with your boy toy.”

I stare at the rows of heads in front of us. I want to tell her every detail of two nights ago and how Marcus makes me feel invincible, and wherever he is, there’s light. But I also want to keep it all to myself because as soon as I release it, reality will suck the life out of it.

“He’s not mine, but he and his friends came to the restaurant last night. So, I guess there’s that!”

“And why do you think he’d do that?” Lin raises her eyebrows.

“They were hungry?”

“Sure. Let’s go with that. Except we know Marcus is madly into you, like every other guy that exists.” Lin chatters, asking if it’s okay if she has a crush on my boyfriend, but my mind is stuck on the “madly into you” part. No matter howthat idea lights up my mind, Marcus Miller will never be mine. Even if two nights ago really happened, he’s not an option for me. Detective Miller will find out about my family, and we’ll be on the next plane out. Still…If these are my last days in America, I’d choose to spend them on Date #2 with Marcus.

My eyes roam the bus and land on Harvey a few rows ahead. He’s laughing with his friends, and still has the same smile my fifth-grade heart couldn’t get over. We constantly played kissing tag, and I caught him more than once. He’s funny. And nice. And wasn’t a bad kisser when he was ten.

James says something in Harvey’s ear, and he swats the back of James’s head. Maybe I should stick with what I know. Harvey would understand my family situation since he’s first-generation American, too. But his smile doesn’t make lines around his mouth like Marcus’s, and while Harvey’s hair falls into his eyes, it doesn’t wave like Marcus’s.

I close my eyes and dig my nails into my palms, but Marcus’s laugh rumbles through my memories and echoes off every cold, brittle thing inside me like it can shake me open. And his body. I dig my nails deeper into my palm. His legs are the perfect mix of lean and muscly. His shoulders stretch under his shirt until his back is an upside-down triangle pointing to his shorts hanging low on his waist leading to his backside.

My cheeks burn, and I slide low in my seat, grateful for make-up to cover my thoughts from giving themselves away on my cheeks. But as intriguing as all the lines of his chest and the ridges of his abs and back must be, I always come back to his eyes on me when we talk. Like he’s absorbing everything I say and storing it somewhere deep inside for safekeeping.

I sit up a little taller, watching Harvey while Lin chats with Shuney across the aisle. If I stare long enough, he’ll look over. Maybe I’ve never given his eyes a chance to talk tomine, but when he glances my way, he smiles and waves. I wave back and attempt a silent conversation, but his eyes are quiet. I try it with James whose eyes skim mine a few times, but he raises his eyebrows and winks. He’s definitely not reading my thoughts. Maybe I’ll try Sean in first period.

My phone buzzes and I blink myself back onto the rattling bus and pull it out of my bag. A message pops up on the screen.

Nick: Have dinner with me when I get back? There’s a new place in the Mission you’ll love.

Nicks message is a reminder: I can’t have Harvey or James or Sean and I definitely can’t have Marcus.

I stare at the message while thoughts of what almost happened in Nick’s stupid room sneer back at me. He was drunk. He’s been drunk a lot lately. It’s making him do things he normally wouldn’t. And if I keep ignoring him, I won’t be able to ignore the consequences. I have to pretend to care enough about him so I can keep pretending about Marcus.

My cheek throbs, and I take a deep breath and type a text:

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