Page 42 of The Other Side of Together

“Are you sure? What if your dad sees…?” Or Nick…

He glances around, then pulls me back down the street and around the corner. “Know how I said we’d take the long way home? I meant the really, really long way via backstreets.” He squeezes my hand and veers me in the opposite direction of our neighborhood. I laugh and talk so much I’m hoarse when we finally walk down my alley and stop under my fire escape.

I press my lips together and look at his chest, his school’s bulldog mascot glowing in the dark. I want to kiss him. I want him to kiss me. He said it would happen; I just hope that doesn’t mean in four weeks. I want to know what a real kiss is like and then experience it a hundred more times before I go to L.A. and my life dumps Marcus out of it.

He watches his fingers play with mine. “Thanks for coming to my game. Although you almost made me lose it. And other things.”

I hold a shrug and tilt my head, playing with the string on his hoodie. “Had to see what all the hype’s about.”

“And?” His eyes gather my erratic mind and heart into our dark, warm circle.

“I very much understand it now.”

He meets my eyes, his gaze falling on my lips, staying there for two heartbeats before he groans and steps back. “Nope.” He shakes his head, holding his hands up. “Not gonna kiss you in the same alley Face Eater earned his nickname. No way.” He runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath, lets it out in a sigh that ends in a smile. “Still…you have no idea what you do to me.”

My heart jumps up and down, flops around, drops into my stomach, and has a seizure before tangling in the realization that he really was going to kiss me. It was going to happen, right here, right now. But now, he’s gripping his backpack straps, his knuckles white, my thrashing heart jostling breathless words out of me.

“Call you as soon as I can.” I give him a quick hug and race up my fire escape ladder even though my mind stays in that hug. Against his chest, inside his arms, wrapped in heat. I glance over my shoulder. “And see you tomorrow?”

He puts his hand over his heart, his fingertips digging in. “Definitely.”

I scramble up onto the landing, my body tingling as I push up my window, then look down to where The Moment almost happened. The Almost Kiss, My Heart’s Best Memory, The Explosion of My World, The Guaranteed Best Moment of My Existence—right as Marcus steps out from under the fire escape and looks up, his smile shooting light into the dark alley.

He takes a few steps backward, smiling up at me when our eyes collide. “Can it be tomorrow yet?”

I smile so big, the corners of my mouth threaten to tear,then I wave, my hand going to my chest as he turns and walks down the alley toward the street, disappearing around the corner.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I hold my breath before letting it out in a whispered squeal as I crawl through my window. My phone buzzes from my jacket pocket as I drop to the floor.

I slip it out to see “Mmm” scroll across the screen, but someone knocks on my bedroom door and Mama’s voice drifts under it. “Mei Li?”

“Yeah?” I send the call to voicemail and crack open my door.

“Can we talk?” Her words hang in the air, waiting for me to notice them, but Mama steps through my door and lowers her voice. “I came up earlier, but you weren’t here.”

“I went to a school soccer game with Lin,” I rush as my phone buzzes with a new text. “Sorry I didn’t tell you.” I glance down, tilting the phone to read the screen.

Marcus: Why wait until tomorrow? My dad’s not home for a few more hours. Meet me behind my building in 10?

My heart shoves its way up my throat and my eyes snap to Mama who’s studying my face as I think of excuses to get her out of my room so I can sneak out and meet Marcus.

Mama glances at the phone pressed into my thigh, then nods, looks at the floor, then me again. She reaches out but I stiffen, and she drops her hand, talking to her silk slippers. “I know what’s happening, Mei Li.”

I press the phone tighter against my thigh while my mind flips through possible meanings, like I’m in a crowded clothing store, flipping through racks to find something that could fit. This rack of me sneaking around with Marcus? Me obsessing over Marcus? Me finding ways to be with him? What does she know and how did she find out? Guo Mamasaid she’d never tell. Did Mama see us together? We weren’t careful walking home tonight. My thoughts turn to the conversation I almost heard between mama and Guo. Was this what they were discussing?

I swallow and grip the phone tighter like my fingers will relay the message to Marcus that I’ll meet him as soon as I get Mama out of my room. “Happening with what?”

She hesitates, scans my room, then levels her gaze with mine for the first time in a long time. “With Nick.”

My knees lock, blood flow freezes. “What do you mean?” My voice is dry and crackly, thin and wary, like his name sucked the life out of me.

“I mean…” She sits on the edge of my mattress and grips her hands in her lap. “What he’s doing to you. What he’s done.”

I stare at her, and when she looks away, I clench my jaw. I don’t want to pretend. She does that enough for all of us. I don’t want sunken, sad eyes or to be invisible like her. She’s faded and wispy, her sharp cheekbones the only part of her that isn’t two-dimensional. She used to be vibrant and fun. We laughed. I idolized her back then but stopped when Baba hit her and she did nothing to stop him.

My stomach tenses against the realization bubbling up from deep, deep cracks. If I keep letting Nick do this, I will become her.

I square my shoulders and meet her eyes as resentment erupts from me. “Then why don’t you stop it?” I want her to see it all in my eyes, but she won’t look at me. “Oh…I remember why: because you’re as powerless and trapped as you’ve made me.” I shake my head, the words filling my mouth dripping with the acid they’ve been swimming in for years. “But I won’t stay trapped. I want something different.”

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