Page 45 of The Other Side of Together

“They would have never done this to you, if it weren’t for me.” Clenching the cloth in my fist, I close my eyes. I let myself believe and hope and wish that Marcus and I could be real. That Nick would find something better to do than manipulate me and my family. I thought I was smart enough to keep my dream life from my real life.

I turn back to him but can’t meet his eyes as I dab at his eyebrow that was perfectly fine before we met. I wish I could wash away my bleeding heart so easily. “We can’t see each other anymore, Marcus.” The words are raw, soaked in the tears and blood they’ve been drowning in.

His eyes fly open and he grabs my hand. “What did you say?”

Tears blur my vision. “We’re too different. I never meant for you to see my world.”

He shakes his head, body rigid. “This isn’t about where we come from, Mei. This is about everything you’re not telling me.”

“I won’t let you get hurt again.”

“No more excuses, no more lies, no more secrets. Who is Face Eater and why are his guys after me?”

I press my lips together, dab at his eyebrow.

“The least you could do is tell me why you’re protecting him. I thought it was you and me, and that you—”

“It is—was,” I say to my hands, “but we can’t.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” He shoves his fingers through his hair, grimacing and swearing.

“I’m not safe, Marcus.”

He swears at the floor, then looks at me. “I don’t want safe—”

“Everyone wants to feel safe. Not everyone gets the luxury, but you do. You can have it all—everything you want.”

He stands, tipping the stool backwards, and grabs the counter with one hand, his ribs with the other. “Stop treating me like I’m some golden kid who gets everything he wants. I don’t. Look at my life—my mom left because she didn’t want me. My dad’s never gotten over it, and drilled the fear of women into me. I’m terrified of doing the same thing to my dad, so I’ll be here indefinitely. I turned down my full-ride to Stanford because my dad needs me here. But the worst part is, there’s a girl I want but can’t have and I don’t know why, so no, Mei, I don’t get everything I want.” He grips the counter, his eyes pulling back from me, like he’s emptied himself, his heavy, secret pain hanging between us.

My vision of his shiny, perfect world dims, the shadows in its corners coming out in the shadows under his eyes I thought were from all our late nights, but now…

We’ve both been running from our real lives, but they’ve detoured, cut us off, and are coming right at us. But his world would still be here, in this country. His dad would understand if he just talked to him about Stanford. I heard him celebrating the night Marcus got the offer. And there’s no way his mom left because she didn’t want him. There had to be another reason. And if she were here, she wouldn’t hold him hostage with secrets that could ruin them all. He could figure it all out. He’s Marcus, and no matter what he says, he’ll get everything he wants.

“You do have it all. And you could have anything you want.” My words are hot and sharp. “I’d take even a fraction of your life.”

He looks at me, then shakes his head, his eyes holding me in place. “You obviously have no clue what I want because, right now, I want you to be honest and I can’t even get that much.” He swallows like the words are burning his throat asmuch as they’re burning my chest. “And I want you and this thing between us,” he blurts, “but I can’t stop you from protecting Face Eater. So maybe he’s what you want.”

I shake my head, swallowing tears, blinking. “He’s not.”

“Then tell me you never wanted me. That I imagined it all. That it was all some kinda sick game and didn’t really mean anything to you. Tell me. Go.”

I talk to my hands. “I chose what I wanted, and look what happened.”

When I meet his eyes, he holds my gaze before staring into the dark living room. I reach for his face again, but he jerks back, yanking the cloth from my hands and flinging it at the sink. “Why are you letting him do this to us?”

I shake my head and want to tell him I have no choice, but he goes on.

“Because I honestly thought we had something, Mei. I let myself think I was your boyfriend, crazy enough.” He takes a shallow breath, then grimaces, frustrated.

My thoughts grind to a stop as the word breezes through my overheated, aching head.

Boyfriend.

“Maybe it’s my fault, though.” He throws his hand out. “I assumed things and haven’t been honest enough about how I feel about you.”

I swipe at a tear, and he grabs my hand, his eyes reaching so far inside me they scatter my resolve. Turning, I step around the counter to the sink, yank on the faucet, and watch water flow down the drain, wishing my reality could flow with it. But as much as it hurts Marcus, and as much as it will kill me, this has to end. “I have to let you go,” I say to the draining water.

I wring out the cloth, cursing myself until Marcus’s chest warms my back. I hold my breath as his hands smooth up my arms, his fingers playing inside my sleeves before moving to the nape of my neck.

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