Page 57 of The Other Side of Together

She cackles and pats my arm. “The motorcycle bet was just a way to keep you from makin’ the same mistakes your daddy did. But…” She sighs. “Raymond really needs to stop makin’ you a prisoner of his past choices. He’s carried that around for way too long. He could have been married and happy all these years instead of beatin’ himself up and hating womenkind.” She plays with the tab on her soda can. “But I’m only his mama so what do I know?” She rolls her eyes, her earrings swinging against my shoulder. “Your daddy has done an incredible thing, raisin’ you into a spectacular young man but it hasn’t been easy on him or you.” She rubs my back and goes on. “I’m happy you’ve decided to give girls a chance. Maybe consider your speed, though. Find that reason to keep control and think about what’s best for both of you long term. Saves you a load of heartache and regret down the road.”

We sit shoulder to shoulder in silence like we did every summer on her porch swing during storms, talking about things that should’ve been embarrassing but weren’t with her. My body relaxes and I wish I could curl up against her like I did when I was a kid so she can tell me everything with Mei’s gonna be okay.

“Your mama decided not to be a mama and even though she’s moved on, I know in my mama heart that she regrets it every day. Even models have regrets. Especially when she saw your graduation announcement, I bet.”

I turn my head toward her. “How’d she see my announcement?”

Meemaw sets her empty can on the coffee table and sits straighter on the couch, then turns toward me, her hands folded in her lap. “Your mama’s in L.A. I saw Iris—her mama, your other meemaw—at the Piggly Wiggly a few weeks back and got Olivia’s address. Sent her an announcement.” She shrugs. “Thought she’d want to see her baby who’s not a baby anymore and looks an awful lot like her.”

I stare at Meemaw, thinking about the only two pictures I’ve seen of my mom. What her face might’ve looked like when she got my announcement—a stranger she never wanted to know. Half of her somewhere in the world—up the coast—she didn’t care to meet.

“Why’d you do that? I don’t need her in my life.”

“I know, hon, but your mama has a right to know the fabulous person she brought into this world. I’m just proud of you, that’s all. Wanted to show you off a little, I guess. Show her what she missed.”

A wall of emotions made of my feelings toward my mom, disappointing Meemaw, lying to dad, and my argument with Mei barrels toward me, slams against me. I need to call Mei and explain—talk it out with her—but the way she looked at me right before Meemaw walked in said things I don’t wanna hear. It can’t be over. She didn’t mean it just like I didn’t mean some of the stuff I said. But what if she did?

I grunt like I’ve been gut-punched, then lean forward, elbows on my knees as I stare at the carpet. I squeeze my eyes shut, but too late. Tears burn down my face and I swipe at them. “Please don’t tell Dad,” I say into my hands. “I promise I’ll tell him, I just…please.”

Meemaw sighs. “I won’t say anything to him, baby. This is your deal. But in the meantime, why don’t you tell me everything that’s causing those tears.”

CHAPTER 21

Wrapping my coat tighter around me, I walk faster to outrun the last hour, sweating despite the crisp night. Burning with shame and embarrassment after Marcus’s grandmother walked in on us half naked. Fighting. Frustrated. Messy.

I walk faster, like I can get away from myself. Things were just fine until my hormones took control. I shouldn’t have thrown myself at him even if I’m completely in love with him. I thought he felt the same way. I thought I saw it in his eyes. But he wasn’t so ready to throw away his future and his relationship with his dad, and I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth about my mess of a life.

I haven’t seen him that frustrated, even after Holden and Xander. When it poured out of him tonight, I emotionally retreated. Like I’ve done my whole life with Mama and Baba and, more recently, Nick. But never with Marcus.

When he asked me to tell him the truth about my life, everything inside me shut down, reminding me to stop pretending. Telling him won’t change my life, and Marcus deserves the truth. Until tonight, he’s allowed me to keep my secrets, even gotten hurt over them. He didn’t doanything to deserve that. So we’re over before we even really started.

Tears prick my eyes as I round the corner, but my Marcus thoughts screech to a halt because Nick’s standing at the front entrance of the restaurant talking to Baba. I take a step back, but Nick’s gaze flicks to me and pins me in place while a thin smile stretches his lips.

“Just the person I came to see.” He holds out his arms and walks toward me, dark memories running ahead of him and slamming into me. Blood on a flower rug. Chandelier. King size bed. Pain. Shame. Realization.

I swallow all of it in a bitter lump. I’m trapped between him and all the secrets I’d have to dodge to run back to Marcus’s. My voice cowers deep inside me when Nick wraps his arms around me in a full body strangle.

“I’ve missed you. But I have good news. Great news, actually.” He pulls away, his hand sliding to my lower back as he turns us toward Baba. “My table ready?”

I straighten to minimize contact between his hand and my back where Marcus’s fingers were ten minutes ago.

“It is.” Baba gestures to the door.

“Wonderful.” Nick reaches for my hand, pulling me behind him, my legs stiff, ready to run in another direction—anywhere that’s not here. But I have to stay and pretend Nick matters to me, just like I’ve been pretending in my texts to him.

I follow him through the dining room to his table where he pulls out my chair. I slide into it, the wood hard and unyielding, and I swallow fear as he sits across from me. The flame of the flickering candle on the table bends in his breeze, throwing sharp shadows on his face.

Ya Ting glances at me and my eyes never leave hers as she gives a weak smile and sets down water glasses before taking our orders. I will her to see my desperation to get away, but Nick’s attention is fixed on my face like a set of claws piercingsensitive skin. He’s going to peel me open, put slashes in me that leak all I’ve hidden from him. But maybe he’ll see how empty I am and realize I’m not worth his time.

Ya Ting leaves, and I try to think of any excuse to call her back, but Nick’s attention digs in deeper, clawing at nerves, and I almost dare him to rip me open. He throws a beaming smile at me like a blade, severing my thoughts.

“Tell me everything I missed while I was gone.”

I stare into the dark holes that are his eyes. Does he not remember what he did to me? Is he going to say nothing about his guys following me? Hurting Marcus?

I dig my nails into my thigh under the table. “Umm…Just homework and restaurant.” My restless hands go to my fork, and I rub the handle until my fingertip burns.

“And that’s exactly why I will get you out of San Francisco. You’ll experience something new and exciting. In fact,” He pulls his phone from his pocket and clicks it on, swiping the screen. “I showed Chef Torres a few pictures of your creations and she was impressed.” He flashes me a picture of a French Asian fusion recipe I made up a few months ago. When I thought my future was straightforward. Back when I wasn’t afraid of Nick. Or aware that Marcus and happiness could be part of my life.

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