Page 63 of The Other Side of Together

“I wish I knew what you were thinking right now.” Tavah won’t look at me. But I’m glad. She’s new territory—all honest and ready to confess her deepest feelings and drag mine from me. “Sorry.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath.

“Why?” My voice is rushed, outrunning thoughts of Mei.

Tavah swallows. “I think I just needed to tell you how I feel so I can get over you.”

Whoa. Hold up. Over me? “Over me?”

She smiles and nods. “Yeah. Over you.”

“What exactly are you trying to—?”

“Please, Marcus.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not subtle. Surely you saw the neon signs saying I like you. A lot. Too much and for way too long.”

Whoa. Okay. Aquarium closed. Come back…never.

“Give a crush six years and it feels bigger than a crush. And that’s just the part of you I see. I mean, I definitely like what I see.” She glances at me, suddenly shy. “I just wish Iknew more about what I see.” She pauses, takes a deep breath, and lets it out slowly. “Wow. This is harder than I thought it would be, although, to be honest, I knew it would be really hard.”

I smile at her. “What do you mean?”

She tilts her head back and smiles at the sky. “Just…Okay, here goes.” Straightening, she swivels to face me, crossing her legs and gripping her knees. “I’ve been asked to prom. Skylar Sanchez texted me tonight. He’s great. I was super excited and was about to respond and say yes. But…what I really want is to go to prom with you.” She swallows and nods, and her words float to me like dust that hasn’t settled. “Johnny said you aren’t going, but it’s our senior year, and I just…” Looking at the grass, she closes her eyes and rushes, “Want to go with me? Maybe? Even a little bit?” She scrunches her nose and smiles, then glances at me before picking more grass. “Holy cow, this is hard. Sharks all over the place.”

I open my mouth, close it. Stare at the dark field. I wasn’t gonna go to prom. But I also wasn’t gonna fall for a girl and then get messed up by that girl who won’t talk to me.

Tavah’s fingers play with a strand of her hair. This girl tells me exactly what she’s thinking. So easy—no guessing. The guys are going to prom. I have nothing better to do but sit home and think about how not with Mei I am. “Yeah.” I nod. “Sure. Let’s go to prom.”

CHAPTER 23

Mei: My Nai Nai once told me that only 3 things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. I experienced the first two with you. I’m not ready for the last. I don’t know how to do that part. I’ll never want to.

Ilie on my bed and stare at my unsent text until my eyes well, then delete it. I’ve typed and deleted hundreds of texts this week, but I can’t send any, ever again. Funny how “ever again” feels so long and so short at the same time. I’ve worked more in the past seven days than I have the last month and done homework in the time between to catch up before “ever again” starts today.

When I told Baba I didn’t want to go to L.A., he said there are worse things that could happen to me. He said I’m going with Nick because he’s done so much for our family, and “we” can help him with this new venture. It’s the least we could do. “We”, but not reallywesince it’s my future that depends on Nick, not Baba’s. Also, I’m going to L.A. becausehe said so.

As an added restriction and command, I’m not walking with my class during graduation next Wednesday because “we don’t need to showcase ourselves.”

So, in three hours, a car will pick me up. It will take me to the airport. When we land in L.A., I’ll be escorted to Nick’s penthouse suite in some hotel. Then, I’ll wait for whatever happens next. Today, “ever again” can’t last long enough.

All I can do is wish I wasn’t going. That I wasn’t part of this family. That I was with Marcus instead of moving farther from him. Or with Lin instead of hiding from her worried texts. I don’t know what I would even say, though. I’ve written Marcus notes I’ll never deliver, typed texts I’ll never send. Told Harvey I can’t go to Prom with him tonight. Avoided Guo Mama. Buried my face in my pillows to muffle the sounds my heart makes as it sinks in my tears. Stopped hoping. Marcus’s texts stopped coming two days ago and my heart stopped beating and drowned.

But according to Baba, I’m so lucky. If this is luck, then Marcus did me a favor by taking Buddha even though he’s no longer on his windowsill. He must have figured out Buddha brought him bad luck, too.

I lift my head off my bed and reach for Magic 8. I’ve asked it over and over if there’s a way out of this. It hasn’t given me a straight answer. But when I ask if Marcus is thinking about me, it says “Yes” every time, including this one.

I toss it to the end of my bed and grab my phone. My chest tightens and my body leans into hope but there’s nothing from Marcus.

I roll to my back, scrolling through pictures for the 500th time. Us in front of Hippie Thai, me rolling my eyes and Marcus jutting out his chin. Marcus laughing and reaching for my phone as I snapped shot after shot of him. Marcus laying on his bed in a white tank top and loose-fitting sweatpants, one hand behind his head, blue eyes looking straight into the camera. A video he sent me of him shaving. The secret codehe drew on his arm that translated to Marli, our couple name. A selfie with the chemistry equation he created to prove his chemical reaction to me. Selfie after selfie he took with weird things he saw on his walks home, funny captions for each one. Marcus lying on his back with a licorice rope jutting from his mouth while he winked at me. A shot of his wall chalkboard and the pie chart he drew about me. Him, wearing his lucky soccer socks, my name drawn in Chinese characters on the bottom. A shirtless selfie, a red Sharpie heart drawn on his chest with my name inside it. Another screen shot of a video chat when he showed me his new Adidas. An overhead shot of us lying beside each other under his window, Marcus kissing my temple while I smiled at the camera.

I shut off my phone on picture 134 of 368 and my heart retreats into its dark corner, but the phone lights up with a text from Lin: Coming your way babe. You can’t avoid me forever.

I set it face down onto the nightstand, mad at myself for indulging in Marcus and making my chest tighter, my body achier. I drop my head back onto the bed until the door flings open and Lin’s energy rushes in, pressing me further into my bed.

“Okay. What’s wrong?” She drops onto my bed, snuggling me from behind and laying her head on mine. “You’ve been too quiet. Spill.”

Her concern is permission for my tears and my silent sobs shake the bed while she rubs my back until words scratch up my throat. “Marcus and I broke up.” I haven’t said his name out loud for so long, it’s grown too big inside my head and hurts coming out when I tell her everything about the fight and Marcus’s grandmother and Nick and the threats. I can’t stop the words once the verbal flood starts. “And now, I have to go to L.A. with Nick. Tonight, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I tried.”

She bolts up, looking like she’s trying to chew andswallow metal. “Are you serious? No. No way.” She shakes her head as she slides off the bed and paces the room. “You can’t go. I won’t let you.”

I watch her, my cheek smashed against my wet pillow. “He found out about Marcus. He’ll retaliate—hurt him. Shut down the restaurant, get us kicked out.”

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