Page 78 of The Other Side of Together

She places her hand on my arm, her knobby fingers like bent, dry twigs. “I called my brother in Seattle. He has a cottage where she can stay. There is room for two. Until we figure out how to keep her in America.”

All feeling drains into my feet which want to run far from this conversation. “What are you saying?” I squint like I’m staring into an explosion. Of my brain.

“You heard me just fine but need time to think. It’s a big decision. No easy solution.”

“So…” I stare at the table like there’s a map I can follow so I don’t get lost in this conversation. “You’re telling me I should go to Seattle with Mei.”

Guo juts out her jaw. “I will not tell you to do anything. This is your decision. You do not have to go, but it is the onlyway to keep you together. I will not blame you if you choose not to, and we will figure out a way for you to communicate with Mei Li wherever she ends up. You just will not be together.”

I stare at the table again until the wood grain blurs, then shove away from it and bolt toward the back door. “I need a minute. Or five hundred.”

“Yes, take some time. And a shirt from the rack. You are half naked.”

I grab an I Heart SF Chinatown t-shirt from the nearest shelf and tug it on. It’s a little tight but I turn toward the door, then back to Guo. “This is crazy.”

She nods slowly. “Every part of it, yes, but I am here for you. As if you were my own. Always. Whatever you decide. Understand?”

I step to her and gather her in my arms, her fuzzy robe sticking to my sweaty palms. “This is so messed up. I’m freaked out of my mind. But thanks for being my real mom.” Right now, I need one especially since I’m not sure I have a dad anymore.

“Oh, you…” She squeezes my waist and swipes at tears before she steps back. “I’m so proud of you, and I will be here for you all the way. You and Mei Li are my xiao háizi.” She smiles and nods. “Children.”

Kissing the top of her head, I turn toward the door. “If Mei wakes up, tell her I’ll be right back.”

I’m up the alley in seconds, bent over, gripping my knees as I catch my breath. Holy freak. Did that conversation really just happen? Ten hours ago, I was leaving my apartment with Tavah. Two hours ago, I was running out of it to find Mei. And I found her, but…found so much more. Way too much.

I sprint to the corner. Watch the light turn from red to green to yellow, then red again. My brain cycles, too. Run with Mei? How? For how long? What would I tell Dad?Would I tell him? My jaw tenses. No. I don’t have to. He has Kenna. I could be with Mei.

But how? This would never work for a thousand reasons.

Pumping my legs harder, I round the corner, picturing Mei in the robe. Nothing underneath. Like…nothing. Just…all of her. Completely naked. Something I’ve dreamed of seeing, but not with Face Eater’s stain smeared all over her.

I run faster, trying to leave thoughts behind, darting across streets, sprinting up hills, pushing my lungs to their limit all the way to Telegraph Hill. I try to catch my breath but can’t, sprint up the steps when more thoughts catch up.

On step fifteen, I lean over the railing and puke in the bushes. Tastes like confusion, and leaves me dizzy, so I throw up again. This time, it’s all my burning, oily anger toward Face Eater for what he’s done to Mei and for forcing me to make an impossible decision. At Dad for lying and blowing up the one solid thing I thought I had.

I clutch my chest when a cold fear chaser follows. I lost Dad tonight. My solid ground. I can’t lose Mei, too. What she told me and what Guo suggested changes everything. Except…nothing. At least not the way I feel about Mei.

I drop to the step, letting everything she told me soak in. I have to go with Mei. I want to. She finally told me everything. I’m in this with her already.

I sort through it until the sun peeks over the city below, then push myself to my feet, stretch the soreness from prom out of my legs. Prom seems so stupid now—people dressed up, pretending to be someone else. Me, trying to be someone else and feeling things for someone else while Mei was fighting off Nick. Or not able to fight him off. I hate that I don’t know.

I bolt up the steps, sweating the fear and confusion out of me. We can figure this out because on step 116, I realize how much I need Mei. I couldn’t handle being one street or an unanswered text or phone call away from her, so there’s noway I could handle her being all the way across the world. No.

Things inside me that shriveled without her are popping back to life. When she was gone, I was, too. The way I feel about her is bigger than how I need her laugh or her smile or the way I want her body. Without her, the me I recognize doesn’t exist and doesn’t want to. It won’t. So if she goes to Seattle, I go, too.

On step 300 I stop, hands on my hips as I squint into the morning sun. But I have college. Soccer. Med school. Right? All of that still matters?

My life was so planned out until today. Until I found out Dad’s secret.

Now I don’t have to stay in San Francisco. I could go with Mei.

I could go to Stanford.

I could take Mei with me. No one would look for her there. I’ll keep her close and safe.

I drop to the step, elbows on my knees, hands clasped in front of me like I can squeeze the answer out of them.

Scenario #1: Get into Stanford. My scholarship includes a private dorm. Mei could stay there with me.

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