Page 63 of Clumsy in Love

“Yes.”

“I’ve given that a lot of thought. The only thing I’ve come up with is that I didn’t want you growing up like I did.”

“Poor?” Holly knew her grandfather had had a gambling problem. And that any money he or her grandma made was generally funneled directly into some bookie’s pockets or the state lottery coffers.

“Not just poor. Dirt poor. Our clothes were hand-me-downs from the neighborhood kids, we shopped at a food bank, and the utilities went on and off depending on how ‘lucky’ my father was that month.” He waved a hand. “But more than just having nothing, it was the uncertainty of it all. Never knowing where the next meal would come from. Or if it would come at all. I woke up every morning wondering if there’d be electricity or water. By the time I became a teenager, I’d gotten used to it and compensated. But as a young child, it was very distressing.”

“You never told me it was so bad.” Holly sympathized, picturing a hungry, scared little boy. “But—”

“I know,” he interrupted. “It’s not an excuse. I know that. It’s only my speculation on possible motives. I ask myself every day, why didn’t I just get a job like everyone else? Why did I have to scam money? There are more ways to make a living than by cheating.”

Holly raised an eyebrow.

“I never set out for this to be a career. It started with one guy, who practically begged me to get involved. Then, when I made him a decent return, he talked to a bunch of his friends and convinced them to invest with me too. The stress from controlling so many people’s money caused me to do stupid things. I felt pressure to perform, no matter what the cost.”

Holly said nothing, and he continued.

“Soon, customers were coming to me. Honestly, I don’t think I ever sought anyone’s business. It was all referrals, people dying to give me their money. I knew it was spiraling out of control, but the cash flow was so good. And I got high off the sense of accomplishment, knowing I was helping people get rich. It wasn’t just our family. Everyone was making money.”

“Until they weren’t.”

“Exactly,” her dad agreed. “Until they weren’t. I finally realized it wasn’t sustainable. That there was no way to continue the windfall. It all came crashing down, and I had no landing spot. I’d dug a crater so big, I couldn’t climb out.”

“So, someone caught on and wanted his money, then the rest followed?”

“Pretty much. It was like a run on the bank. You know banks don’t actually hold all the money people put in?”

“Yes, Dad. I know how banks work.” She fought the urge to roll her eyes.

“Of course you do. Sorry.” He folded his hands on the table and stared at them. “Well, in a nutshell, that’s what happened. It was a house of cards, and just like Grandpa, I’ve never been lucky with cards. I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially you and your mother.”

“Half the town still hates you,” she said.

“I know. Everyone eventually got their money back, but it’s the broken trust that can’t be rebuilt.”

“You don’t seem bitter. About being in here, I mean.” She expected angst or anger, but he seemed calm and relaxed.

“Actions have consequences. I broke the law, and paying for it is just.”

“Will you return to Green Valley Falls when you get out?”

“No,” he said. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Dealing with me every day is too much to ask of people. Some might move past it, but to the rest, I’d be a constant reminder of their anger, or they’d have to pretend to forgive me. I won’t go far because I’d still like to be a part of your life. If you’ll have me.”

“Is that a dig at Mom?”

“No. She did what she thought best for herself.”

The ink had barely dried on her dad’s conviction when her mom filed for divorce and signed up for a dating website. Two months later, she was in Washington State, eloping with some other guy. “You know she remarried, right?”

“I heard that, yes. Do you talk to her often?”

“Not really. Every couple of months. She moved on and hasn’t looked back.” Holly didn’t want to get into the complicated relationship she had with her mother, so she steered the conversation in a different direction. “Judging from Mom’s reaction, you guys must have had problems before all this.”

“Yes. We tried to keep it from you. Once you left for college, it went downhill fast. I don’t think we would have made it much longer even if all this,” he circled a hand around the room, “hadn’t happened.”

She’d come in with a head full of steam. Ready to write off her father for good. But she’d softened a little. Understood him better. There was still no excuse for what he did, but he took responsibility and felt remorse.

“So, what do you do all day?” she asked.

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