Page 109 of Even in the Dark

I usually feel uncomfortable hearing a girl say that about me. Like my skin is crawling in some kind of silent warning signal. But it's Scarlett saying it. Which feels… different.

"Honestly," Scarlett continues. "Telling her friends she thinks you're hot doesn't make her a bad person. And she didn't say it toyou.Or try to make you uncomfortable on purpose. You said she was embarrassed about it."

I think over what Scarlett's saying. Pick apart the words and turn them over.

"Yeah. I guess." Maybe she's right; there are worse things than your cousin saying she thinks you’re hot. And the thing she said about me being raised like an animal—isn’t exactly like sayingI’man animal. Just saying I was raisedlikeone. Which isn’t totally off-base.

"Your aunt, on the other hand, sounds like a smacker," Scarlett adds after a few seconds of silence.

"So… my aunt's a smacker and my cousin's a peach?"

Scarlett grins. "I mean, I'd have to meet them in person to confirm for sure, but based on the intel I have to go on—yes, that's my professional opinion."

I think her opinion might be right. About my aunt anyway. Still don't know what it means to call someone a peach. Pretty sure it's not even an insult. Either way, the things they said about me aren't burning away at my insides anymore. Think the thing I feel most uncomfortable about is running away from Phil, after he stuck up for me to his own sister. His whole family. And he always does that—sticks up for me, no matter who it is. Even if I’m the one who did something wrong, like the time I threw that girl’s phone or trashed my room or got suspended for punching a guy at school for talking shit about me. Defended me over those ads, which he was totally against me doing. That he warned me would make everything more public and open for people to pass judgment.

Bet Phil’s still out there right now, driving up and down every street looking for me on his Christmas afternoon.

And suddenly it hits me—I believe him now when he says he never stopped looking for me all those years ago. That it broke him when my mother and I disappeared. Can’t imagine what he was like those first couple years, given how hard he’s taken finding out I’ve been alive all this time. Only thing I can be mad at him for is that he cares about metoomuch. Clings to me like every time I walk out the door is the last time he’s ever gonna see me. That feeling is probably as real and as heavy for him as the feeling I have when I get this weird fear that Eli’s gonna somehow break out of prison and come find me. Make me live with him again.Tangle up all my wires back to the way they were before.

"I need to call Phil and let him know everything's cool," I say, fishing my phone out of my pocket.

Scarlett's eyes go wide. "You haven't called him yet? He's gonna be freaking out."

It was a dick move—ignoring his calls. Hewillbe freaking out. Thinking I'm still out walking in the cold. He picks up right away after I dial. "Dylan?"

“Yeah, it’s me… Sorry I took off.” First time I’ve apologized and felt like I got the words out right.

“You must be freezing. Where are you?”

I glance to my side. “With Scarlett. In her car.”

"Oh. That's… Well, that's good." He sounds relieved. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah." Weirdly, I am.

"Think I could come get you? Go for a ten-minute drive before we head back?"

Really don't feel like re-hashing any of that shit with him, but I tell him it's fine. Scarlett and I talk for a few more minutes. She tells me about her day so far. Sounds like her extended familyis… as special as mine. Only hers didn't have a screaming debate about the way she was raised or how her past turned her into a freak.

When Phil pulls up alongside us in his Audi, Scarlett squeezes my arm. Runs her finger along the crease of my elbow. "Remember, if your aunt or your cousin or great uncle or whatever—if they say stuff about you, blow it off. Don't let it get to you." She arches an eyebrow. "Fuck 'em."

"Fuck 'em."

We say our goodbyes and I switch cars.

“Sure you're alright?” Phil asks after I shut the door behind me. His eyes are pink. Was hecrying?

Shit. Makes me feel like even more of an asshole.

“Yeah…” I swallow. My throat suddenly feels really dry. Enough that it’s hard to get words out. “I shouldn’t have split like that.” I chew on my lip ring. Think the words over before I say them out loud. “Just needed to get away for a bit. Things got kind of intense.”

He laughs. “That’s an understatement.” We veer out of the school parking lot and onto the road. “Tell you what. I’ll forgive you for running off if you forgive me for fueling that whole thing about the Volt ads and the things your cousin said about you.”

“Deal.”

“Alright." He glances over at me. "And I get that you need to get away sometimes. Especially when that kind of stuff comes up. And it’s okay to take a breather... Just maybe let me know where you’re going when it happens. A call or a text or something. So I don’t worry.”

“Sure.”

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