Page 106 of Even in the Dark

And everyone freezes, forks paused midway to their mouths, wine glasses set back beside plates. My eyes snap up to Cass, the cousin who goes to college somewhere in Maine. Plays basketball. Went to a Taylor Swift concert last month and mentions it every five minutes.

Her face blushes almost as red as her lipstick. “What the heck, Lucy! I didn’t say—”

“Yes, you did. You told Miriam you found out you have a cousin who was raised like an animal and looks like sex on a stick. That’s what you said!”

The way she looks around, you can tell she thought that was gonna get her solid laughs. She gets crickets. And my cutting glare. Ragged breaths I can’t contain because of how hard I’m fighting to contain everything else. To keep myself from hurlingmy loaded plate against the white wall just to hear it smash. Or kicking a chair until it splinters and buckles. To keep myself from flipping the entire fucking table.

I bite down on my tongue so hard I taste blood. Shove my chair back from the table even harder. Suck in the metallic taste coating my tongue. My teeth too, as I slide my tongue across their surface. When I get to the hallway, I hear Phil say, “JesusChrist.”

Not under his breath like most of the few other times I’ve heard him cuss. He soundspissed.

Then, Mackenzie: “Daddy, you’re not supposed to say—”

Phil cuts her off. “Real classy, Cass,” he says. “Reallyclassy.” Sounds like a guy you don’t want to mess with. Like a guy who’s reining it in as much as I am.

Hear him push his chair out. Probably coming after me.

“She didn’t mean it the way it sounds, Philip,” Cass’s mother says. Phil’s sister…My fucking aunt.“No one thinks Dylan is an animal or… Or anything like that. She meant the man who kidnapped him. That killer—she meant thathe’san animal. For what he did. No one feels anything but sadness for Dylan and everything he went through.” She clears her throat. “And any way he acts that comes across a certain way—none of that is his fault. He can’t help how—”

“You’re not making this any better, Heidi.” Phil sounds so mad, think he might forget altogether about coming after me for once. “There is something very wrong with you, if you think that Cass saying Dylan is—”

“Oh, please. He plastered himself half naked in provocative ads across the entire country, Philip! With all due respect, I’m sure Cass is not the first eighteen-year-old girl to say—”

“She’s his cousin!” Phil roars. Never heard him yell before. Ever. Holy shit. “It isnotunderstandable to me that she called him—what was it, Cass?Sex on a stick?”

Hearing Phil say it is even worse than when Lucy said it. Than if I heard Cass say it.

“Have you seen the ads, Philip? Because it’s pretty obvious Cass is only voicing what they wanted eighteen-year-old girls to say when they saw them. And I’m sorry if Dylan didn’t realize the extent of—”

“For Christ’s sake!” Phil yells back. “Do you really think he knew what he was getting himself into when he agreed to do those ads? He didn’t know about the lewd slant they were going to take! None of us did! Or about the sick slogans they were going to slap underneath those photos of him!”

“Really? When they asked him to take off his shirt and flash his underwear, it wasn’t a clue that—”

“How the hell did your daughter making rude comments about Dylan turn into somehow beinghisfault?”

“Heidi, I think Phil’s right,” another aunt chimes in. “Dylan has been exploited enough, without his own family making derogatory comments about—”

“Look, please…” Diane cuts her off, too. They’re all cutting each other off. I’m about two seconds from cutting themalloff. “I think everyone needs to just rein things in… Phil included. And let’s all agree to—”

“I’m right fucking here!” I scream from the bottom of the stairs, turning away from them and towards the front door instead. Because, screw it, I’m dipping. Anywhere that isn’t here is where I want to spend the rest of my Christmas. “Might be a fucking animal,” I yell, not bothering to tamper any of the rage splicing my voice. “But my hearing still works just fine! Gonna get out of your hair now, though. So no need to hold back anymore. Knock yourselves out talking about me some more, by all fucking means.”

Two seconds later, Phil appears in the front hall, Kenz right behind him.

She latches onto my legs. Grips me harder than she ever has before. “Dylan, don’t go, okay? You can’t go on Christmas! I made you a present, and I don’t want you to go! I don’t think you’re sexy on a stick, kay? Me and Chloe don’t think that. And daddy yelled at everybody not to say that stuff about you, so you gotta stay.”

Her face is blotchy pink, and she’s full-blown crying. Makes her eyes look twice as big as they usually do, and seeing them sad and shiny with tears instead of the happiness from this morning makes me bite my tongue again just so I can taste the blood. Because I’m the one who put that look on her face. One more thing I can’t deal with right now. That I’m the reason Christmas lunch turned into a family bloodbath.

“Dylan…” Phil looks like he’s gonna throw up any second. “I don’t know what to say… I’m so sorry.” He runs a hand through his hair that’s usually neat and perfect but is a mess right now.

I try to pry Kenzie’s hands off my legs, but this kid—man, she’s way stronger than she looks, gripping my pant legs using her tiny fingers like claws. I don’t want to pry too hard and hurt her. “Kenz… You gotta let go of my legs,” I tell her, biting back the anger breaking through the surface.

“You got to promise you’re not gonna leave.”

“Kenz, sweetheart…” Phil wraps an arm around her belly and tugs her away, which makes her wail even louder.

“No! I don’t want you to leave, Dylan! It’s Christmas and Santa’s gonna know if you leave and maybe he’s gonna take your presents back that he got you! And I’m not gonna give you my present either if you leave!” Her face is wet with tears and snot smeared with the pink glitter eye shadow she was so excited about putting on this morning.

“Kenzie.” Phil uses his stern voice. The one he only uses with the girls, but never with me. “That’s enough.” He deposits her onthe stairs with a gentle push at her back. “Go up to your room until you’ve calmed down. Dylan isn’t going anywhere.”

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