Page 114 of Even in the Dark

I stop in my tracks. Annoyed. No—angry.Sick of being so patient and bending my own reactions to accommodate his. Feeling so at a loss with how to handle his volatile emotions. "Fine, Dylan! Leave, then!" I call after him. His body tenses but he keeps striding down the stone walkway that winds through the grounds towards the ornate gated entranceway in the distance. "Walk away! Even though I told you everything when I didn't have to!"

He keeps walking.

"Just so you know, I didn't feel like I'd lost after that phone call! But I do now, after the way you're treating me! So, congratulations—you win!" I swallow a hiccup that bubbles up in my throat. "That's what's important, right? That's the measure for everything with you!"

He falters. Drags a hand through his messy waves. Then keeps walking.

Chapter Forty-One

Dylan

The cool, rough surface of the sunken stone steps is familiar to me now. I do lots of thinking out here. Reel over stuff. Sometimes just sit here to wait it out when my breathing is fucked and my heart hammers against my ribs 'till they feel like they're gonna splinter and crack. Hasn't happened in a while, but feeling pretty close to it right now.

It's cold out. Sun's almost set, so it'll be even colder in a bit. Which is fine. Everything's less stifling when it's cold. Feels like my messed up emotions have more room to expand maybe. Dissolve into the mist floating from my lips, like blowing smoke rings. Haven't smoked a real cigarette in a couple years. Not like I ever was a smoker, anyway. Just sometimes on the street, to blur the edges.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

I jerk at the sound of her voice. Not sure how I didn't hear her approaching. Tuck my right hand into my coat and nod as Scarlett brushes past my bent legs. Walks down the steps andsits on the lowest one. Putting space between us. For me or for her, I'm not sure. Probably both.

Her eyes keep ducking to my concealed hand. Trying to see what I'm holding.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier… at Xave's place," she says. Glances back down at my hands.

I nod and our eyes meet. Hers drop again—to my left forearm this time. Sleeve's down but she's still suspicious.

"What are you doing out here?"

I smirk. She's gotten more ballsy since that first night she came out here and approached me. "Thinking," I tell her.

Her nod says she accepts my answer. Her eyes say she doesn't.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Even with all the words from this afternoon piled up between us, the quiet doesn't feel loaded or awkward. Still feels okay with Scarlett, even after a fight. My gut still feels twisted, though. Heartbeat's still out of whack.

Her eyes dip to my hand.Again.Her lips twist as she bites at the inside of her cheek. She's fighting back words. Fighting back feelings, too, I'm pretty sure. She's pissed or upset or disappointed.

I shift my hand from beneath my jacket. Slowly uncurl my fist and reach it towards her. Reveal my hand. "Take it."

She hesitates a second. Extends her arm, then her delicate fingers curl around my phone—not a knife, like she was worried it was.

Green eyes linger on mine for a second, full to the edges with relief. Because I told her a few days ago I rarely do that anymore—the cutting. And she believed me. Her gaze drops to the screen, and I know the words she's reading because I read them over and over about a dozen times after writing them. Also because it's only one sentence.

One fucking sentence is all I could come up with.

Dylan

Wanted to tell you I'm sorry for being a dick to you earlier

"Was this… for me?" she asks.

I let out a laugh. "Yeah, it's for you." No-one else I would ever apologize to. Except Phil. And Diane and Kenz, I guess.

"Dylan… Thank you." She sounds so touched and fucking sincere that I wonder for a second if maybe she read the wrong text. It isn't exactly the most heartfelt apology. It's barely an apology at all. Nothing close to what I want to tell her.

I shrug. "Wanted to say more, but… I guess I just… I suck at this kind of stuff." My tongue pushes against my lip ring. I swallow. "It's good you called that guy… It's what you wanted. And it took balls." Our eyes lock. "I shouldn't have said that stuff. Knocked you down… It was really shitty." Then I add, "You're not a loser. That asshole didn't win."

One side of her mouth lifts in a smile. "No one wins in situations like that."

"Guess not… Fucking sucks."

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