Page 12 of Even in the Dark

Gavin doesn’t pick up on my tone, though. He’s not the kind of guy who notices things like nuances or subtleties. Not that there’s anything subtle about my tone. Ever.

“So, he’s silent but deadly, then.” He scoffs as he squeals out of the Braun’s hedge-trimmed semi-circular driveway. Gavin is also the kind of guy who likes to squeal his fancy sports car tires at every opportunity. Also, not surprisingly, the kind of guy who wouldn’t get why that might be annoying to ninety-nine percent of the population.

I just roll my eyes in response this time. Gavin can be a lot to take. I don’t date the guy because I’m starry-eyed over him. Nor do I think all these traits of his are cute or quirky or even worth putting up with because all his other ones are just so endearing. Our connection is more of an unspoken, mutually beneficial “pairing up” than a relationship. I date guys like Gavin because they’re predictable. Easy to handle and least likely to get attached to.

“Did he trash the Braun’s house yet or what?” Gavin asks. “Try to pawn the silverware?” He continues, on a roll now. Mister funny guy. “Hold up. Does he even know how to use silverware?” He cocks his head, curling his upper lip in a sarcastic grin. “Tell me he didn’t show up for dinner wearing just his Volt boxer briefs?”

See? Like I said, really not the type of guy you have to worry about getting attached to.

On the flip side, this whole “two-dimensional personality” boyfriend thing is what made it hurt so much when I found out my previous boyfriend had been cheating on me last month. Because if I can’t hold the attention of a guy with the personality of a box of tampons, it sure doesn’t speak well ofmypersonality. And while it’s not like I was unaware I’d had to change a lot of things about myself when I decided to climb to the top of the social ladder a couple years ago, until the day Justin Tanner dumped me, I hadn’t realized quite how much I'd given up .

But I’ve learned to be okay with it. I have to be. I worked hard to heave myself to the top of that stupid ladder, and it gives me what I wanted—control. The privilege of being the one to call the shots. I say what goes and what doesn’t. Determine who’s in and who’s out. I have the ability to ensure that no one ever messes with me again. Ever. I’m a fool-me-once kind of girl. Which, given that I have been fooled once, means I am now a “strike-before-they-do” kind of girl.

Coincidentally, I also have perfect aim.

“He try to hit on you?” Gavin asks. “The famous Maytag Kid?”

I refrain from laughing at his question, because let’s be honest, here: Dylan’s reaction to me was the furthest thing from attraction I’ve ever incited from a guy. But all I say is, “I can handle Dylan Braun.”

Gavin glances at me, then back at the road. “Well, you let me know if he gives you a hard time or anything, alright?”

“I said I can handle him.”

Still not entirely sure how, but I will. I sure as hell would never ask my boyfriend to handle my problems for me. Not that Dylan is a problem, I guess. But he is a guy I’m going to have to learn to deal with. Or rather, that I’m going to have to find a way to be nice to, even though I’m ninety percent sure he has zeroredeeming qualities. And is the only person I’ve encountered for a really long time who isn’t intimidated by me.

And that’s the part that could become a problem.

Hooks is loud and packed and borderline stifling. It’s mostly all high school kids—not just from Sandy Haven Prep, but from Ocean Heights, too (the local public school). Hooks isn’t the kind of place that delineates between the haves and have-nots. It’s just a no frills, old-school diner. As in, it’s been around since before even any of our parents’ time. This place is steeped in memories as much as in the remnants of cigarette smoke from the seventies.

“Yo! Lutz! Thiels!” someone calls from one of the crowded tables along the back wall, and I pretend I’m not aware that all eyes are on us as Gavin and I saunter coolly along the scuffed black and white linoleum between the packed booths to the rear of the diner. But I am always aware of the way people watch me: guys ogling, girls sizing me up—or rather, sizing up my outfit, my hair, my mood… I’m aware because I’m the one who orchestrated this whole dynamic. And the day I’m no longer aware of it is the day I risk toppling from my perch on the top rung of the ladder.

People do the customary scooch along the always tacky cherry red pleather, making room for us in the already crowded booth. They’re mostly Gavin’s friends—people I know but wouldn’t choose to hang out with if I wasn’t dating him and I wasn’t playing this part. I spot my best friend, Sebastian, sitting in a booth a couple tables over with the polar-opposite-from-him science nerd his parents hired to tutor him and who, in some weird third-dimension-level twist of events, he is now apparently dating. A pairing made even more notable by the factthat Seb Murdoch does not do dating. He hooks up. A lot. Not once has he done the boyfriend-girlfriend thing before. Seb’s the sweetest guy on the planet, but his brain is too scattered to keep track of the last place he left his iPhone, let alone keep track of the same girl for more than twenty-four hours. Until now, apparently, with Caroline Heinz. And I’ll give them my blessing as long as he gets his head out of his ass one day soon already and grows the balls to share his secret with her. The one only I know about right now. Long story for another day. Just, suffice it to say, if he doesn’t let Caroline in on it, their relationship is going to run a similar course to the Titanic’s. Sans the cheesy string quartet music as it sinks into oblivion.

I zone out everyone’s over-enthused greetings as I study the two of them. Caroline looks out of place. And uber aware of the hordes of popular kids surrounding her. And Seb just looks uber aware ofher.

He didn’t even notice me come in.

And yes, full disclosure: I’m jealous. Not because I’d ever want to be anything more than friends with Seb (we kissed once in middle school and it was on par with how I imagine kissing your cousin), but because he’s still always been “mine” in a way. And even though he’s still there for me, he doesn’t feel like “mine” anymore. I’m kind of shocked at how un-tethered I’ve felt since he started getting all paired up and cozy with Caroline Heinz. It wouldn’t even be so bad if I disliked her. Then I could at least blame her for how embarrassingly affected I am by Seb’s growing distance. But I can’t hate her. I secretly respect girls like Caroline, who refuse to conform, even when doing so would mean lessening the ridicule they’re subjected to. God knows I don’t have the guts to be un-apologetically myself the way Caroline Heinz does.

“Sooooo…” Victoria Ledworth semi-squeals, jolting me out of my thoughts, her eyes darting from Gavin, then back to me. “Is it true? That you met Dylan Braun today?”

Oh, my flipping God. This again.

“She had dinner with him just a little while ago at the Braun's,” Gavin confirms for me. “Right, babe?”

I nod dismissively, sliding the menu from between the salt and pepper shakers and pretend to study it. Like I don’t already know the entire thing by heart.

“Oh my God, I’m so jealous. That guy is level ten gorgeous. And basically un-tamed.” She sighs. “It’s so hot.” Then she straightens suddenly. “Wait. Is he as hot in person as he is in those Volt ads?”

I flinch at the word “un-tamed”, because it makes him sound like a dog. The guy seems like a total asshole, but that doesn’t slot him in the same category as a house pet, for God’s sake. House broken or otherwise.

“I didn’t really notice.” I sigh, pretending to be riveted by the dessert specials. “But sure. I guess he was above average in the looks department.”

Understatement of the century.

“As good looking as the ad where he’s shirtless and sprawled out on that couch in the underground parking garage?” Taylor Karinski asks. “Where you can see every single dip of his freaking Sex God abs?”

I look up from the menu and pierce her with a well-deserved smirk. “Well, he had all his clothes on when I met him—during our joint family dinner.So, I really couldn’t say.”

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