Page 10 of The Price of Ice

His friend growled across from him, and Kallen straightened, staring at him wide-eyed. “Oh, fuck,” Levy sighed. “I’m just frustrated, I’m not angry at you.”

Kallen relaxed, nodding. It’d startled him for a moment, but now that he was paying attention, he could sense that Levy was actually feeling protective of him—precisely the reason he’d shown up here in the first place. Because this young alpha, only a year older than him, somehow made him feel safe.

But it was just a feeling, Levy wasn’t really his alpha and he couldn’t protect Kallen from the world like he wanted to be protected. He could listen, though, and he could keep him company, share this frustration with him when no one else would. “Thanks,” he said.

“What for?” Levy demanded, frowning at him.

Kallen shrugged. “Just... listening. It’s my mess, and I... I’ll fix it,” he looked down as he said it, swallowing past the bitterness of it. He’d told Levy the truth, he didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t see a way around it, and it had to get fixed somehow. For the team. “But, like, you get it, why I’m angry...”

“Of course I get it, anyone would get it.”

Kallen gave him a pointed look. “Don’t see anyone else here.”

“That’s... We could talk to the captain?” he offered, but it was clear he knew he was just saying it.

“We can have dinner,” Kallen offered, a gentle let down. “Let me order something today so I can beat you at Speedaholic while we wait.”

IN THE END, IT WASN’Tthat difficult. He’d cheated to do it, telling himself it would be fine to drink just this once, and sneaked in a flask full of the whiskey from Levy’s cupboard. It was after practice, and he’d hit the showers as soon as they’d walked in just to have a moment to compose himself—and empty half the bottle down his throat. He hadn’t quite counted on the added effect of the hot vapour, so when he came out, he was a little dizzy, half his mind elsewhere. He’d planned it carefully, wrapping the towel around his hips and dropping the bottle on top of his dirty clothes as he passed by. Being half dressed right then and there was almost unbearable even in his numbed state, but that too was intentional—he wanted to look as vulnerable as possible. There wasn’t much an omega could do to get an alpha to do what he wanted besides beg, but looking small helped, it activated something in alphas’ brains that made them want to protect you.

Except for when it made them want to hurt you more.

He shoved the thought away and headed towards where Vandy always sat. It was a strange move, and he felt the roomrippling around him, his teammates’ gazes following him, a few whispers he couldn’t parse.

“Vandy?” he said and his voice shook with it. He gritted his teeth, feeling his face burn, his shoulders lock. He wanted— He wanted to shake him, to demand what he was owed, to hurt him. To hurt him back. But that wasn’t what the team needed, so he stood there, facing the man who’d brutalised him, as humiliated as if he’d been on his knees for him again.

The goalie was looking at him like he was a ghost, lips parted but no words coming. Like he was scared of Kallen.

And then Vandy got elbowed on the side, hard enough to force him to put his opposite palm down on the bench. He was shocked enough to turn his head towards the alpha to his left. It was Matt and he was glaring.

Vandy dropped his own gaze, swallowing, and then, so low it was only audible because the whole room had gone quiet, he mumbled. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

Kallen stared at him, waiting to feel something like the relief he’d expected. He’d thought... He wasn’t sure what he’d thought, really. But this wasn’t it. He wasn’t angry anymore, he was empty. He knew what he should say now, that he had to acknowledge the apology and smooth things over like nothing had happened.

Instead, he opened his mouth and gave a warning, rough and demanding, and if he hadn’t known it was impossible, he could have sworn it was full of willpower, “Don’t fuck up again.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Vandy straightening, but he was already turning away, heading back towards his own locker.

He wanted another shower, but he could wait until he got home for it.

Chapter 5

He blinked at Levy where he was hovering by his bedroom doorway at the Johnson’s. Someone must have let him in while Kallen was in the loo.

“I can go,” his friend said. “I just... Couldn’t catch you at the stadium.”

It was hardly an accident, Kallen had sped out of there after his confrontation with Vandy three days earlier and he’d done it again today after the game. Levy had scored so the press had wanted him. It’d been easy, and no one else had tried. He’d texted Johnson to let him know he didn’t need a ride back and left it at that.

When Kallen had got back after eating a leisurely meal he’d hardly tasted at a restaurant in the city centre, he’d found Darryn with Merle on the sofa. She’d paused the film and asked him how he was. He’d told her he was fine, but she’d hummed sympathetically in that way of hers and offered him some of her latest cupcakes. He’d taken one to his room, where it still sat on top of his desk, because it was easier than reminding her of his strict diet.

He walked into his room, pointing with his chin at the desk chair as he let himself fall back on his mussed bedspread.

“You did good,” Levy said, low and earnest, and Kallen looked up at him in surprise. “I don’t know if you want to hear it, but you did, and—” He cut himself off, watching Kallen closely. He seemed to find some sort of answer there. “You did good, Guin, kept the team together, and you made it clear it wasn’tokay to hurt you. Vandy’s been in a funk, but McKinley took him out for lunch today after the game. He’ll be fine.”

Kallen gave a slow nod. That was good, he supposed. And it felt good to hear he’d done well, even if he couldn’t completely believe it. He thought Levy believed it. And that mattered. “You are not... You didn’t want me to do it.”

“No, but... But that was just, I dunno, it’s easy to look at your life and tell you what you should do when I’m outside it. Like, what the fuck do I know about what you gotta deal with? You are doing the best you can in your circumstances. I just— Well, you are my friend, and I got angry. Too angry, probably. Again,” he added with a sigh. “Sorry about that.”

No, you didn’t, Kallen thought, but it was an insane thing to say. If he couldn’t afford to get angry, he certainly couldn’t afford for Levy to do it for him. Levy, who was an alpha and was actually allowed to do something with his anger besides swallow it and transform it into puppies and rainbows and forgiveness and compassion.

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