And just like that Kallen was falling into their usual rhythm, grating cheese and cracking eggs while Levy set a frying pan on the hob for him. They didn’t need to talk, but he was also forced to concentrate enough that he could tell his body it wasn’t the time to think about the way his jaw ached, or how he was a little colder than he should have been in the kitchen of all places.
It was fine. He was fine. He was just hungry.
PRACTICE TURNED OUTto be in the afternoon that day, which Kallen supposed he must have known.
He probably should have known what he’d done that morning, too, but by the time they had to grab their bags and make it to the car, he couldn’t have said. Levy took the keys from his hand.
“You look tired,” his friend said, and Kallen nodded and got in the passenger seat of his own car without a word.
He was tired, that was probably why he didn’t hear Levy the first time he spoke and had to shake himself to come back down enough to notice they’d got to the arena.
“Kallen...” His friend was reaching for him but stopped mid-motion. “I... You could skip,” he suggested. “Like, it’s only practice, and you have a good reason, no one will even—”
“No!” The word came from between his gritted teeth, too sharp by half, and he had to swallow and exhale slowly, forcing his shoulders down. “No, I... I’m fine. I can do this.”
Of course he could, he’d done it before, and he’d do it again. If he’d been the kind of person to let his omega issues affect his job, he wouldn’t have been in the Premier League in the first place. He’d have washed out like everyone else who couldn’t hack it.
So, he knew he could open the door and stumble out, and that if he kept walking in a straight line for the changing room, he’d get there and put on his gear. He wouldn’t look around at any of the alphas surrounding him, and he’d try his best to keep his nose closed to their scents, just so his body wouldn’t get alarmed for no reason.
There was nothing wrong, no danger. He was just sensitive, the time after heat wasn’t as bad as the time during or right before but the body was still a little tender. He’d get on the iceand he’d find the flow, and after a little while, the speed of passes and the demands of drills would drown out everything else.
And he’d be fine.
He just had to be strong enough to take that first step.
LEVY WASN’T AS EASYto ignore as the other alphas. He’d pushed everything soft and scared as deep as he could manage, but his friend tugged at it, like a comforting bed calling to him when he was exhausted.
A temptation he couldn’t give into but couldn’t forget.
Maybe that was why the ice wasn’t quite doing the trick for him today. He did everything that always worked; listened to Coach’s instructions and didn’t take breaks even when his muscles screamed at him, knowing that beyond the pain was the only real relief.
But he couldn’t stop Levy from skating up to him and proffering a bottle of water. He nodded a thanks and drank, because it was the path of least resistance to get right back to where he needed to be. Levy went away, because this was his job too, but he kept coming back, circling closer and trying totalk.
Kallen half wanted to scream at him, but anger was as far from his goal as any other display of emotion. He needed the numbness of the ice too much to risk it.
No one could stop him from playing.
No one.
“Guin!”
His shot went too wide, he heard someone cursing him out. He didn’t know who. He couldn’t look up or to the side. He couldn’t move at all. McKinley was standing in front of him and Kallen’s throat was closing up and his hands were clutching so hard at his stick they ached, but he couldn’t let go.
“You keep messing up your shots,” his captain was saying, or he thought so, because the whole world was growing hazy and unreal. “Firm up your wrists.”
And with that, he’d just gone. For a moment, Kallen had just panted in air; his lungs screaming as he was suddenly able to provide them with oxygen once more. Then he turned and went to the bench.
He needed to drink, that was all.
IT HADN’T BEEN HISbest playing, but other than that wide shot, he thought he’d done pretty well. Nothing to be embarrassed about, anyway.
He’d earned some rest, and he wanted to go home. But Levy was still in the shower for some reason, and he... Well, he could have waited in the changing room, but he could also wait in the car.
The keys were still in Levy’s bag, but it wasn’t like it was cold, he didn’t mind leaning on the hood for a few minutes, getting a bit of fresh air.
“Kallen!” his friend called out from halfway across the parking lot, he was jogging over. “I thought... I thought you’d left,” he said once he reached the car.
“You have my keys,” Kallen pointed out.