Page 65 of The Price of Ice

Naked skin against his own felt even better than he remembered, warm and soft, except for the stubble on Levy’s cheeks and neck, which tingled as he licked him there again. Levy allowed it, rubbing his thigh between Kallen’s legs and kicking against his trousers in the most inefficient way possible. Kallen shoved up into it anyway. It hurt a little, too dry by half, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Not until Levy lifted his upper half out of reach and offered his right hand. Kallen sucked two fingers in at once, giving him a little teeth when he shuddered, his own erection thrusting erratically against Kallen’s belly.

“Hand,” Levy demanded, breathless. Kallen swallowed and then wet his palm. Levy sneaked it between their bodies to take hold of Kallen’s cock, wet and deliciously tight. So Kallenhadto thrust, gasping a little as he clenched his hole hard on the upstroke.

“I—” He was tempted, so fucking tempted, but he stilled his lover with a hand on his forearm. Levy stopped but didn’t let go. He was watching Kallen’s face. “I want you to fuck me.”

He tried not to wince when Levy released his cock a little too fast. It didn’t hurt, except for how his touch felt so close to necessary right then.

It wasn’t, though. Kallen wasn’t in heat, and he didn’t need anyone, he just wanted Levy.

Levy, who was watching him, wide eyed, lips parted. Inexplicably silent.

Kallen sat up, suddenly very aware that he was naked and barely resisting the urge to cover himself. “Or like... I mean, you don’t have to.” He couldn’t seem to look up. Fuck, why had he said it? Everything had been going great, and it wasn’t like it was going to be an issue for long, was it? He could have just kept it to himself, enjoyed whatever Levy wanted to offer him. “We can—”

“You want to?” Levy’s voice was thin, scratchy even. If he’d heard it anywhere else, Kallen might not have recognised it at all.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes flittering from Levy’s compressed mouth to his eyes, full ofpain. Something was very wrong here. “But only if you do,” he explained. He remembered Benny’s disinterest in him. “If you... I shouldn’t assume, sorry.”

Levy snorted. “Sorry? How can you be sorry? I’m the one...” He was already scrambling fully off Kallen, like he couldn’t even stand for their knees to be touching. He turned around, huffing and burying his hands on the back of his own head, pulling at his curls in a way that had to hurt. He walked all the way to the door, still wide open before he turned around to face him again, apparently unaware of his own nakedness. “Kallen...” He was pushing his own forearms against his temples, eyes wide and desperate. “You don’t remember, right?” He blinked fast, and even in the low light Kallen was certain he was holding back tears. “What I...” He cleared his throat almost violently. “What I did.”

He'd have liked to pretend he didn’t know what Levy was talking about, but he understood at once. “No.”

He didn’t remember, not anything specific anyway. All these months, he hadn’t allowed himself to look up his previous heat rotas, so all he was certain off was that McKinley had been in the first one. Not that he’d been able to extend his denial to the point where he hadn’t known that Levy had fucked him once, but... It hadn’t been the first heat, he was pretty sure, and his second with the team, fully knowing how terrible it would be, Kallen had drunk so much he’d managed to blank out the whole night.

“Oh.” Levy’s hands fell to his sides, shoulders slumping in defeat. “That makes sense.”

“I was scared,” Kallen said, and maybe it was obvious to everyone, but saying it was a relief anyway because back thenhe hadn’t allowed himself to be. And when he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, he’d tried his best to drown those thoughts in alcohol. He’d only been legal for a few months when he’d started the job, and while he’d had the occasional beer, he’d never been drunk before. It’d been stupid and unhealthy, the opposite of what he wanted to do to the beautiful machine that was his body. “So I drank.”

But none of that had mattered when the price of ice had turned out to be his body and he’d realised the only way he could bear it was if they didn’t also get his soul.

They could do whatever they wanted to his body, he’d decided, but he wouldn’t be there.

“Iremember,” Levy said. He was still standing by the door, the curve of his bare back the portrayal of dejection.

Kallen wasn’t sure he could take it if he was refused, but he couldn’t take seeing him like that, the joy drained out of him, a weight so heavy even his powerful shoulders couldn’t withstand it. “Can you come sit with me?”

He got off the bed so he could free the duvet, then sat back down and covered his own lap. Not that there was much to hide, there was nothing arousing about this.

Levy wavered, then took a hesitant step towards the bed, and another. He paused at the foot of it, eyeing Kallen like he was about to jump him, and not in a fun way.

Kallen patted the top of the duvet.

“I guess I should be close, if you wanna...” He sat at the very edge, body half turned away, but he looked up. “Punch me or something.”

“Tell me,” Kallen said, looking him straight in the eye.

Levy looked away at once, throat working. “You were... You were really out of it. Heat, and drunk. I think... I’ve read that alcohol can slow down your metabolism so heat actually lasts longer. And it looked that way. I mean, compared to last time.”

Kallen groaned, annoyed at himself. It was completely obvious once you thought about it. He didn’t remember any of it, but the idea that he’d put himself through a worse hell than usual made his fists clench.

“No one could blame you,” Levy told him at once, earnestly meeting his eyes. “What you had to get through...” He shook his head. The protective anger was familiar, but then Levy continued, “I don’t think you even knew where you were, you were that far gone. You reacted when— when I touched you. But... But that doesn’t mean anything. And I knew it, I really did. You couldn’t have used lure, or... Fuck, I don’t think you asked for anything at all, that night.”

It sounded about right. He wouldn’t even have known he was allowed, and he probably hadn’t even known what he needed. He wasn’t all that sure now—all he knew was what hedidn’tneed and even that had taken him this long to figure out.

“I knew it was fucked up. And I could have controlled myself. I proved that, didn’t I?” he asked bitterly. “But...” Kallen couldn’t look at him, but he could feel how stiff he was, like he had a sensor finely tuned to the alpha’s body. Of course he did, he had to, to stay safe. “Hirst was there, and he... I was—afraid. So fucking afraid ofdisappointinghim of all things. Like— Like it fuckingmattered.” By then, Levy was fully bent over his own lap, elbows on his knees, fisted hands against his forehead. “So, I did it. I... I raped you.”

The words were only a whisper, but the moment they were out, a sob followed, high and harsh and heart-breaking.

Kallen’s own heart was racing, and he was breathing too fast. He was sweating too. He glanced down at his own hands, realising they were twitching over the blankets. Because he wanted to reach out. And that was insane, he was pretty sure. Levy had just admitted he’d...

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