Page 5 of Ashton's Mountain Man

I inhaled deeply as my breaths came fast. I struggled to regulate the influx of air hitting in my lungs, gasping as I sucked in a long, drawn-out breath and gripped the front of my hoodie with a shaky hand.

“Ashton.” West quickly stood up from the position he’d been kneeling in and marched over to the open-plan kitchen, yanking each drawer open, searching frantically for something until he paused and made his way back to me. “Here.” He passed me the paper bag. “Take deep breaths, slow and steady,” he whispered, gently rubbing my back as I listened to his soothing voice. His fingers passed back and forth over the bunched-up material of my hoodie, trying to comfort me. “That’s it. In and—out,” he whispered. “Keep doing it just like that. I’ve got you. Okay?”

I nodded as I continued breathing into the paper bag, realizing I’d had a full-blown panic attack—something that I hadn’t allowed to take hold of me like that in a very long time. Once my breathing began to settle to a slower pace—one in which I didn’t feel my heart was going to try to escape from my chest any longer, I stopped breathing into the paper bag. Breathing in the fresh air, I focused solely on myself and not the reason that had caused the whole situation in the first place.

“Thank you,” I whispered, lifting my gaze to meet his confused and worried face. “I?—”

“Ashton, it’s okay. Whatever it is. I can take it.” He began. “I just want”— he indicated the space between us with his finger as he cocked his head to the side—“to clear the air.”

“But what if…” I paused, staring at the ceiling and thinking about this moment and whether I could actually say the real reason I’d left Fire Mountain Ranch. The truth of why I hadpushed forward with new career aspirations in a place and area I knew nothing about in the hope I could wipe the thoughts of him from my mind. It was stupid—naive even, and it had caused more pain. I had a little boy who I’d missed so much time with because I couldn’t control the primal urges and feelings that take over whenever I’m around West. “I just don’t know,” I choked out.

“I promise,” West whispered to me, reaching for my hand in his and squeezing it tightly. “Ashton, whatever it is, trust me that I will remain by your side and listen. I will support you and be whatever you need me to be. I will protect you and allow you to take whatever strength you require to ensure that you feel able to power through the next few moments, hours, weeks, well, all of time…because that’s who I am,” he rumbled out, as if at any moment I was going to stop him in his tracks. “It’s okay…” He nodded in reassurance as I let out a long, drawn-out breath.

I prayed that my next step wasn’t going to be the biggest mistake of my life.

“I left because I realized I loved you,” I whispered in almost a squeak. “I had to leave because I couldn’t control the urges that existed within me every second I spent in your presence.” Too scared to look up at his face, I dropped my gaze, but I was glad that he hadn’t dropped his tight grip from my hand yet. “I just wanted to step forward and make a move, but I was uncertain about whether these emotions were real.” I chuckled out loud. “I mean, I’d just been in a relationship with a woman—your best friend— who now I know I have a child with, and I couldn’t understand how now my mind was lost and encapsulated in the thoughts of you.”

“Ashton,” West uttered my name breathlessly, instantly cutting the tension as I glanced up and saw the moisture gathering in his gaze. Tilting his head to the side, he looked at me in wonder. I couldn’t pinpoint if he was looking at me in thatway because of pity, and my heart squeezed in my chest. I waited anxiously for the next word to leave his mouth. “I never knew, but I fucking wish I did.” He gulped as I watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. An instant flush of heat overwhelmed me as I thought of how I could disguise my instant attraction to him at this moment. “I’d have stopped you from taking that fucking apprenticeship. If I would’ve seen what this was?—”

“What do you mean?” I gasped as an ounce of hope passed through me. I focused on my breathing, knowing that I couldn’t deal with having another panic attack so quickly after the last one, but I wasn’t sure that could stop the sense of overwhelming nature taking over. I mean, surely, this man who I dreamed of—wanted for such a long time—couldn’t have thought, or even dared, to feel the same things I did. Could he? That would be like two paths at a crossroad, finally stopping at that junction and meeting at that perfect moment. Moments like this didn’t ever happen for me. I was the guy who lost love— potentially threw it all away and wasn’t destined for anything but pain and misery. Could I finally have the opportunity to have everything I ever desired? “West…”

“I would have seen if the two of us could have been more… Why do you think I act the way I do around you, Ashton?” he uttered, just as the sound of the door opening disturbed the two of us.

“It was always meant to be the two of us. Don’t you realize that?”

West squeezed my hand gently before he let go as the whispering of two voices instantly had my whole body tensing.

“Are you ready to meet your son?” He helped me to stand on shaky legs. “Remember, I’m here for you to lean on all you need.”

My heart soared as I looked on at the miniature version of myself being held in Maisie’s arms as she walked into the roomnervously. Her pain was instantly recognizable in her gaze as I wished that in some way I could comfort her, letting her know that everything would be okay. That my presence wasn’t going to ruin the magnificent job she’d done so far in raising our child and, if anything, me being here would only add to the love and support this little boy would now have in his life.

“Wyatt, I have a special person I’d like for you to meet…” Maisie whispered as she turned him toward me. “This is Ashton. He’s your daddy.”

“Hi…” He waved with a big, goofy smile on his face. “We play cars? Brum Brum,” he asked as he gazed at his mom, and then to West. “Pwease.”

“Anything for you,” I whispered, nodding as Maisie helped him to his feet. I watched in awe as he instantly toddled over to me before gripping and pulling the fabric of my pant leg. “Cars, yeah,” I choked out. The thought hit me deep in the pit of the stomach at how this boy had instantly connected to me without a second’s hesitation.

I was his father...but Maisie was his mom and always would be.

“Why don’t we get Mom and Uncle West to play too?” I asked the little boy looking up at me, waiting for me to go and play with him. “Would that be, okay?” I asked. “Mom and Uncle West. Car?” I condensed my words, thinking of how I should actually talk to a young toddler. I didn’t have a clue.

“Yes. Yes.” He clapped excitedly. “Cars, Blue, yellow, red, and gween.” He nodded as I walked toward them both and held out my hand in invitation, just as Wyatt held his up in the air. “Carry, pwease.”

“I wouldn’t do this without either of you both,” I whispered. “You're his mom,” I uttered, turning to face Maisie. “And you, West…” I licked my lips as his gaze darkened and met mine.

“Are yours,” West finished before picking Wyatt up and placing him on his hip, then grabbing my hand. “Okay?”

“Yes,” I admitted, flustered. “Perfectly okay.”

CHAPTER 4

West

The last twenty-fourhours have been such a rollercoaster of emotions, which have caused a multitude of turmoil to run through my head. But would I change a second of it? Never.

I’d never expected Ashton to reveal the reason he left Fire Mountain was because of me, but in that second when he admitted he’d had feelings for me, it all made complete sense—those sly looks and the flush of his cheeks whenever I walked into the room. I was completely oblivious, thinking it was about someone else, but in reality, I was a constant, and if I had thought about it at the time and delved deeper, opening my eyes the situation, I would’ve realized.

I wasn’t ashamed to admit I had dipped and dived between men and women before—I loved how both sexes could give me the opportunity to experience different things in the world. It didn’t mean that I preferred one over the other or that I was more inclined toward one or the other. It was always about the other person and the attraction between the two of us. At the end of the day, you couldn’t deny when chemistry exists. I’d always thought that you need to lean forward, grab it by the horns, andgo for it, otherwise you’ll regret it. You never know that that one person could be the one you’re meant to live the rest of your life with.

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