Page 9 of Addicted to Love

“Just as friends?” The bus pulls up, and I wait for the other passengers to climb on board, trying to prolong our time together.

“Yes,” he laughs, “I promise not to molest or seduce you in any way.”

I smile back, but there’s an odd ache in my chest. With a small wave, I pay the driver and find my seat, trying to sort out the mess in my head. Mark was my boyfriend. But was he? Where was he today? He didn’t have a steady job, so why wasn’t he at my trailer first thing apologising for yesterday? And Luke...Luke was like Prince Charming, but girls like me didn’t get princes. We didn’t even get toads. We were simply plot devices with no real purpose. What was Luke even offering? Did he just want a quick, summer fling with a poor girl to see what it would be like to hook up with someone from the wrong side of the tracks? He wasn’t making me any promises. He hadn’t even asked me to leave Mark and choose him. He was just tempting me. Taunting me with what I can’t have. With a groan that makes the old man next to me jump, I lean my head against the window and let the cold glass soothe the growing headache. Why wasn’t life ever simple?

Luke was relentless as a friend, the day before yesterday we’d gone to Skateland, where I’d earned some lovely, blooming purple bruises and Luke had been forced to watch from the sidelines because of his cast. He made the best damn cheerleader, yelling and whooping every time I skated past him, striking poses or flashing him silly faces. Afterwards we hung out by the amusements, trying to win plushies on the claw machines until we both ran out of change.

Today I had another day off, and Luke took that to mean we’d go to the movies. He couldn’t get tickets toBack to the Future, so instead we were seeing an afternoon showing of some film I’d never even heard of. I’d been looking forward to it all morning, since I hadn’t seen Mark in almost three days now and my father was also conspicuously missing. As was our TV, probably pawned for another hit. I was never more grateful for owning virtually nothing, than in those moments. That way, I couldn’t be heartbroken when he sold it chasing his high.

Luke finally agreed to meet me at Pine Grove Galleria, after protesting that he’d rather get a taxi to my place and then get the bus from there.That man has more money than sense sometimes,I think to myself as I wait by the bus stop. A familiar car drives past and for a moment I think I catch a glimpse of Mark but shake it away. I was just imagining it because I was missing him...wasn’t I? Deep down I doubted that thought. When I’d dressed this morning, it hadn’t been Mark I’d dressed for. I pull at my pleated tartan skirt, making the chains dangling off my belt clink against one another. My oversized white T-shirt hangs off one shoulder, my altered denim vest and over-the-knee high socks with boots complete the look. I was aware I looked more headbanger than anything, but I was really feeling my outfit. Especially paired with the bangles on both wrists, another rad purchase from a thrift store.

The bus journey is short, and it isn’t long before I’m making my way through the mall towards the food court where I’d agreed to meet Luke. We were going to be early for the showing, but that was cool, it wasn’t a chore to be around him.

I see him before he spots me. Today he’s wearing a white T-shirt, with a blue shirt unbuttoned over the top and a pair of faded jeans. He always looks so cool and collected in jeans, even though he told me he usually wears suits all the time for work. He starts walking in my direction, and for a moment, I think he’s seen me, but suddenly he stops, frowning. His face morphs into anger, and I look around trying to see what’s upset him, and that’s when I see what’s stopped Luke in his tracks. It’s Mark. With his arms around some other girl, his tongue in her mouth.

My tongue feels dry and heavy in my mouth, I don’t register Luke arriving by my side. I barely make out the words as he whispers in my ear, “Tammy, let’s just go. He isn’t worth it.”

An unfamiliar feeling starts to build, as I curl my toes in my boots. This, this was what Luke knew, wasn’t it? It was the secret he kept to himself, I could tell by the way he was angry, but not surprised.

“You knew,” I whisper finally. He tries pulling my arm, to guide me away from Mark and the woman who’s trying to climb him like he’s a tree. Biting back tears, I hiss at Luke, not looking at him. “We will talk about this later. You never should have kept it from me.”

Shrugging him off, I can hear him calling my name as I storm over to Mark and the girl. As soon as he sees me, he quickly shoves her away, and she moves to stand behind his friends. They were protecting her? As if I was the one in the wrong?

“Tammy...it’s not what it looks like,” Mark whispers, eyes glassy as he begins to rub the back of his head, muttering “Fuck” over and over as he starts pacing.

“How fucking could you?” I scream, and heads turn in our direction.

He turns and faces me, and I can tell that he’s not in his right mind. This isn’t the Mark I know; this isn’t the boy I grew up with. He sneers at me, “You’re hardly innocent, you’re here with him. He wants to sue me, Tammy. To send me to prison, and you’re here with him.”

Didn’t Mark understand that he’d put himself in this position? Luke was my friend, and it didn’t matter if I wanted more than that, I refused to move that boundary until what I had with Mark was settled.

Shoving Mark, I watch as he stumbles back into one of his meathead friends. “I didn't have my tongue down his throat!”

I can hear the girl squeak in protest from her hiding place, as I push Mark and grab his jacket in both my fists.

Roaring, he grabs my wrists and holds me in place. “But you want to! Don’t think I can’t see it.”

I’m aware of Luke stepping forward to intervene, but Mark snarls, “Stay the fuck outta this, Anderson.”

Nodding towards Luke, I motion for him to stay back. I don’t need him to rescue me. We’ve attracted a small crowd, as people start gathering to see what the ruckus is. “How can you see anything when you’re never around?”

With an exasperated sign, Mark pushes me away. “Fuck you, Tammy! I can’t be your prince and save you from Pine Grove. I can’t whisk you away and buy you a house or give you the life you want. You...You’re just so much pressure.”

“Pressure?” The word barely comes out of my mouth. It feels like he’s punched me in the chest as breathing becomes painful.

“You put pressure on me.” He looks sorry for himself as he steps away, seeking comfort from his friends and his new piece.

I laugh, sounding almost hysterical as I place my hands on my hips. “I never expected anything from you other than to be there for me. You never once picked me up from work. Never took me on dates, never apologised first or at all for that matter. You never put me first. In bed or out of it. Everything was always about you.”

A few spectators clap at my words, and it brings me back to earth with a thump. I’d made a fool of myself, in public over Mark. Just as the tears threaten to spill forth, Luke places himself between us. “I’ll drop the charges if you leave Pine Grove and never come back.”

“What?” we both say at the same time. The interest shining in Mark’s eyes is clear, and I can’t think straight. Were we over? Was he leaving me? Was this it?

“You’re joking, right?” Mark scoffs, looking between Luke and I.

“No, I’m deadly serious. Leave and I’ll pretend that the whole thing never happened.” Luke’s calm and gentle voice is soothing, but his words aren’t sinking in. Leave? Mark was leaving Pine Grove? What was happening?

Mark kicks a nearby chair, knocking it over. “You rich boy types think you can do whatever you like.”

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