Page 8 of Addicted to Love

“I want…” I can’t make the words come out. I can’t say that he makes me feel alive. That my body is begging to be touched.

“What do you want? Say it.” The words dance against my flesh, warm and taunting as my body feels like it’s burning up. I let out a small yelp as his teeth sank into the skin at the curve of my neck. “In this moment, right here, now, what do you want, Tammy?”

I wanted him to lift up my dress, push me forward until I was pressed up against the mirror, cheek pressed on the cold glass surface as he fucked me. I needed him to wrap my hair around his fist as he thrust away every doubting thought. But that wasn’t about to happen. I wouldn’t let it, would I? Hesitating, I bite out, “I don’t know.”

A soft voice calls through the flimsy curtain, interrupting us. “Excuse me, is everything okay in there?”

“My girlfriend just needed help with her zipper,” Luke calls over his shoulder, eyes dark as our eyes locked in the reflection.

Neither of us said anything until we’d left the store and headed over to the food court. With a fries and strawberry milkshake in front of me, I felt calmer. More in control. Like my hormones were back in check as he ate his burger, opposite me.

Popping off the lid of my milkshake and stirring it with my straw, I avoid his eyes as I try to set some boundaries between us. “Look, I have a boyfriend.”

He snorts and immediately I straighten. “What? I do. So this thing between us has to stop.”

Luke takes another bite of his burger, face serious as he swallows. “Aren’t you exhausted loving someone who treats you like an afterthought? Where is he now? Where’s he been all week?” Shaking his head, he looks almost sad for a moment. “God, if you only knew…”

Frowning, I eye him suspiciously. “If I only knew what?”

“Nothing.” He takes another bite, deflecting.

Leaning forward, I can feel a sense of dread settling in my stomach. What does he know? What is he hiding? “No, say it. Say whatever it was you were about to say.”

Running a hand through his hair, his blue eyes look stormy as he exhales with a frustrated noise. “I wish you could see how amazing you are, Tammy. You’re beautiful, intelligent with a smart mouth on you. And you can do so much better than a wastoid like Mark.”

“Bullshit.” I hiss, conscious of an elderly couple sat on the next table over. “That’s not what you were going to say and we both know it.”

A family passes by, gazing our way, and I can only imagine it’s because I look like I’m going to take a swing at Luke.

“Look.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry. Let’s go get some ice cream and cool off. I’m not ready for today to be over yet. Friends?”

Taking a deep breath, I force myself to calm down. I had enough going on in my life without the added layer of secrets and dubious comments, but for now I’d let it slide. I wasn’t ready to head back to my trailer yet either. “Fine, on the condition that you don’t mention Mark again and you keep your hands to yourself.”

Luke stands and throws our rubbish in the trash, giving me one of his charming smiles over his shoulder. “Why? Tempted?” I roll my eyes, to which he responds with a huff. “Deal, but only if you tell me more about you.”

Standing and stretching, I look around at the people passing us by, lost in their own worlds. “Like what?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” He stoops and picks up my shopping bags from under my chair with his good hand.

I try to snatch them back, but he twists his body away from me, shifting them just out of reach unless I want to wrap myself around him like a boa constrictor. “I’m twenty-four, that means I’m already an adult, with bills and everything.”

I look up at him, and once again our eyes lock. I’m mesmerized by the shades of blue in his irises, and the flecks of gold that seem brighter today. It’s like the air is sucked out of my lungs as we stand just watching each other for a moment. Finally, he steps back, putting some much-needed space between us, and it feels like I can breathe again.

“Nahh, you’re still a baby. There's still plenty of time to figure stuff out. You don’t want to stay in Pine Grove forever, do you?” We start walking over to the Baskin-Robbins counter.

I rock on my feet gently as we wait in a queue behind some boys who barely look twelve as they argue over ice cream flavors. “How did you know? That I want to leave?”

The corner of his kissable mouth tugs up into a half-smile, a knowing smile. “You don’t exactly scream small-town girl.”

Nodding, I agree with his words as he steps forward and places our orders. I get the cookie-dough cone, while he goes for mint chocolate. This time I swipe back my shopping bags when he pays for the desserts, so that he can have a free hand to eat his. I’m not going to feed him if he’s going to use his cast and my shopping as his excuse.

We then spend the next couple of hours wandering around the mall, watching people, talking about our lives. I learn that he was indeed a jock in school, playing for his high school’s varsity football team before swanning off to college. His parents live in Pine Grove, they moved here a few years back with his younger sister, and that’s why he decided to follow them here. Imagining him as a family man makes me smile, because I can see it. Every so often he’ll hit me with a cheesy pickup line that makes both of us laugh as I learn more about his job in the tech industry, something to do with computers, and when he starts talking about soldering motherboards, it all kind of goes over my head. His company is opening new offices in Baton Rouge in September, and he’s been sent ahead just to overlook the move and make sure it all goes smoothly.

The store shutters begin to drop down, the crowds thinning out, and I reluctantly realize that it’s time to go home. Slowly we exit the mall, heading towards the bus stop. With his good hand shoved into his pocket, almost like he didn’t trust himself, Luke looks at his feet as we walk. “So are we friends now?”

“Yeah. Friends.” I don’t like the way the word tastes in my mouth, but it was better than nothing. I wasn’t ready for nothing just yet.

“Then as my friend, would you like to go to Skateland tomorrow after your shift?” He’s watching me again, trying to read me but apparently coming up blank as a small crease appears on his forehead.

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