Page 36 of Knot Mine

“Would you?” I press, keen to hear his answer as I lean in and pretend to look at something on his laptop screen.

“I haven’t had to resort to paying for company just yet. I’m not that desperate.” The tips of his ears turn pink, but he makes another little derisive noise. “Now, it's time to focus.

I’m not entirely sure why I brought the work with me this weekend. Maybe I thought I could use it as a distraction or a way to fill the awkward moments I was anticipating with Millie—but I’m glad I did.

Shiloh looks over some of my notes before nodding his head, looking impressed. “I didn’t think you were this dedicated to your degree, but I’m a big enough person to admit that I may have misjudged you.”

He thought I was just another footballer who only cared about omegas, beer and ball, as if my life was that simple. “I promised my parents a 4.0 GPA in exchange for playing football.”

He seems surprised as he glances at me with his eyes narrowed. “That’s high stakes promise for a jock.”

“Tell me about it.” With him sitting almost beneath me on the floor, I realize that if I lean in a little, I can pick up faint traces of the shampoo he uses, the sweet notes clinging to him.

“What’s this? Don’t tell me primo alpha, Zale Blackwood’s life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns.” He does this whole faux outraged routine, covering his mouth with a hand, aghast. “Don’t you shit glitter and rub shoulders with the elite? I thought you hung the moon over at Blackwood Tech.”

The whole schtick makes me laugh, as I playfully nudge my knee against his shoulder. “Being me comes with its own set of challenges, you know.”

Shiloh arches a brow, “Boo-hoo. Doesn’t everybody have challenges?”

Shit. Yeah. I almost forgot about the bullying for a moment. I forgot about Millie and the others too. We were just Zale and Shiloh, talking. Laughing. Being normal.

Running my hand through my hair, I lean back and sigh. “I know I get it. I’m being a spoiled brat.”

I knew that I was lucky in so many ways. But every time I tried to focus on the positives, I started thinking about the prices I paid for the image I projected.

So, yes, I had a great job to walk into—but it wasn’t a career I wanted and I had no choice.

And yes, I played ball—but I was burning myself out trying to keep up my grades so I could keep being on the team.

What’s more, I was lucky to be surrounded with friends—but there was only one I could actually be myself around, because I needed to uphold the Blackwood legacy.

In addition to all of that, I was an alpha, dating one of the omega beauties of the campus—but I wanted a beta, who I would never be allowed to be with.

Everything came with a condition or a cost. Every move had to be a calculated risk, and the only things in my life that had thrown that off balance had been the Vos twins. First Millie and the night we met, and now Shiloh, with his fuckable smart mouth.

As if he knows he’s hit a nerve, Shiloh nudges me back with a soft sigh. I want to bottle that noise, keep it close, listen to it late at night beneath the sheets. “No, I was being unfair. I don’t think any of us really understand what someone else’s life can look like.”

That’s true. We all had battles we were facing, and we all wore the scars, some of us just wore them more proudly thanothers. I reach for the bag of Twizzlers and tear them open, offering him one before I start chewing on mine.

“Do you ever feel like no matter what you do? It will never be good enough?” I look around this home, the one his parents carefully built around him and Millie and I wonder if they realize how lucky they are to have this. I bet they could never disappoint Samuel or Rachel, unlike me and my fathers.

“Isn’t that a universal experience for anyone under the age of 30?” He tries to joke, but after a moment or two he goes quiet, like he’s thinking about it. There’s an expression on his face as if he wants to admit something but instead his lips press tight together, creating a firm line.

“I don’t know how to answer you without sounding bitter,” he admits. “You’ve seen how the others treat me for being different. For being a beta. For having a beautiful twin. For having no friends or too many lovers. For anything, really.”

I was slowly picking up pieces here and there about Shiloh, and I was starting to get the impression that he put his sister on a pedestal. Everything was always framed around her attributes or successes. Didn’t he realize he was beautiful too? Didn’t he realize that he was incredibly smart, with a dry sense of humor and a wicked smile that could bring someone to their knees?

I wanted to strip away the negativities he wrapped himself in, peel them back one by one and replace them with reverent words of praise. Tell him all the things he would never tell himself, because he deserved better than how he treated himself.

“I should have said something, put a stop to it.” I whisper, feeling awful that it had taken me this long to grow a spine. “The next time someone even looks at you like they might say something hurtful—I’m going to stop it.”

“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, Zale. That’s not where I’m going with this.” I know he doesn’t. He’s more thancapable of standing up for himself, and I’d seen him do it on more than one occasion. That was beside the point.

“One day, I’m going to be somebody who makes a difference, no matter how small it may be.” He pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arm around them. “I’m planning on using my degree to support the advancement of omega rights.”

I wasn’t entirely surprised. Of course he’d want to support people like his sister and Bell. There’s a warming sensation low in my stomach as I realized how much we are alike. Volunteering at the Riverview Community Center gave me a chance to give back, and support the kids who might not have the opportunity to play ball otherwise. It didn’t matter what their secondary gender was, the community center worked hard to remove that barrier to their passions. Making a difference, wherever we can was something we were both passionate about.

“I can understand that. Trust me.”

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