Page 42 of Knot Mine

To be honest, I had also been kind of avoiding it since I felt guilty on one level for not going, a little jealous on another, because I felt like I was missing out while everyone else was together and then I was also relieved because I wasn’t there. I didn’t know how to deal with the conflicting emotions and the pressures that came with each one, so avoiding the app just seemed easier.

Millie’s grin is wide and bright in almost every photo. I’m glad she had a good time. The others look like they’ve enjoyed themselves too, and even though I may not know their names, I recognize familiar faces from college and from the social events my parents always make me attend.

There’s one photo that makes me pause, it’s not even of Millie but rather Sadie and Evans kissing, but in the background, I recognize the familiar shape of my girlfriend looking cozy and intimate with someone I don’t know. Someone tall, dark and handsome.

I wait for that possessive alpha feeling to kick in, for me to feel angry or jealous, but I don’t. I know it’s not normal. And it just reiterates what I’ve known for a while, something was never quite right between us but until my run-ins with Shiloh forced me to face it, I hadn’t been ready to. If I had seen a photo of him on the other hand…well, I can already feel the jealousy seeping into my mind and the rage bubbling away just at the thought. Heck, I was already jealous of his best friend Bell even though Shiloh had repeatedly said they were only friends.

It might have been the whiskey or the weed messing with my mind, but I could have sworn that last night in my arms, Shiloh almost felt like an omega. I’ve never shared a heat with a partner, but what happened last night – that felt very much like how I imagined a pre-heat haze to be. Full of desperation and need and base instincts that took over until there was nothing sane or rational left.

When I had pushed inside his tight body, I’d almost been out of my goddamn mind, but I could’ve sworn that he was slick and wet for me. As a beta was that even possible? Had he been fucking himself with that toy of his? When would he have had time, because yesterday we were only apart when he went to get the quilts and came back with the weed? That wasn’t enough time, surely, to lube himself up and make himself come even if he was horny as hell. Something wasn’t quite right.

Shiloh mumbles in his sleep, and because I’m not ready for him to wake just yet and my fidgeting might disturb him, I carefully get to my feet and slip outside onto the cabin patio.

I don’t really know why, but I open my phone and call my parents. I’d thought about talking to Blake, but there were a million things running through my mind and I needed some perspective. If there’s one thing I could always count on my parents for, it was their honesty.

“Zale? Is everything okay?” My papa asks, sounding sleepy. Panic and concern tinge his words as they come down the line. Glancing at the time, I wince when I realize it’s five thirty am.

“Do you think Fated Mates always have to be an alpha and omega pairing?” I blurt, as I look out across the mountain range in front of me. There’s fresh snow making everything crisp and white and new. The sky is a clear blanket of soft violet and pink hues as the sun rises. The storm must have passed already, as there’s barely even a breeze but the air feels crisp and sharp against my skin.

“What?” Father asks in the background, sounding perplexed. My papa must have me on speaker phone.

Placing a hand on the patio railing, I look down at the drop into the valley below. “Well, we talk about Fated Mates and destiny and unbreakable bonds but did anyone ever say explicitly that it had to be an alpha and omega pairing?”

What if…No, that was just wishful thinking. It has to be.

I hadn’t planned what I was going to say, I just needed to pluck a thread out from my loud brain and start pulling. Clearly, Fated Mates was the first thing I’d landed on.

There’s a heavy pause, before I hear my papa’s voice. Gentler this time. “Are you sure you’re quite alright?”

Pausing, I sigh, sweeping back my hair with my free hand. Something about Shiloh’s questions yesterday had been haunting me, playing over and over again in my head. Was I planning to be miserable for the rest of my life? Would I ever have the courage to go after the life I wanted? I may not be readyto start denouncing my position as Blackwood heir, but I could start being more honest. At least with myself and my parents.

“No, I don’t think I have been for a while.” I admit with a small chuckle as I close my eyes and inhale deeply.

“Do you need us to make you an appointment with Dr. Chambers?” Papa asks, his voice soft. Dr. Chambers was our family therapist, but I’d stopped visiting him a while ago, when I realized that my parents were never going to change.

“No, I need you to tell me could it ever be a beta and an alpha?”

There’s some whispering, and the rustling of fabric down the line. I think I hear the click of a light being turned on and the tapping of keys on a phone.

“I’m not really sure what’s going on here, Zale, but true Fated Mates are rare. They’re an anomaly.” My father says, as if he’s trying to summarize something. “There’s not enough information to say definitively what pairings are more or less likely. Data shows that less than 16% of the population find a Fated Mate, while a study in Europe found that 3.2% experience?—”

“Papa….” I interrupt, seeking support from my omega parent. I wasn’t entirely sure how long Shiloh would stay asleep for, but I didn’t want to risk him waking while I was out here and sneaking back to his bedroom.

“Yes, Zale,” Papa sighs but I can hear the fond smile in his voice. He loved it when my father went off on one of his number-based rants. I’m not sure why, but he found that side of my father endearing. What was endearing about statistics? “What your father means is that Fated Mates could, in theory, be an alpha and beta pairing. But biologically, it doesn't seem likely, as alpha and omega are optimum for reproducing.”

There’s another drawn-out pause.

Shiloh could be my Mate.

How would I know for sure? What was the difference between infatuation and finding your destined partner? Would I need to Claim him for the bond to happen? Would he let me? I would need to show patience…but my alpha was already restless, already demanding I crawl back into the sheets with Shiloh.

My papa is more hesitant this time, as he lowers his voice ever so slightly. “I thought your girlfriend was an omega? Has something happened?”

My father is less considerate. “Have you been drinking? Is it drugs? Do we need to come and collect you?”

Tossing back my head, I laugh. The two of them were alike in so many ways, and different in many more. It was funny that my alpha parent, the one who was supposedly calm and cool and always in control, was the one panicking. While my omega parent seemed to understand there was something else going on.

“I’m fine. I don’t need you to come and get me. I’ll be home for the holidays in a few days like usual.”

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