Page 56 of Knot Mine

You can do this. You can do this. You can.

You have to.

Peeking out into the corridor, I can hear everybody outside still enjoying the fire pit and the food. I’m not sure where Zale is, but he’s likely been dragged back out onto the patio with everyone else. I ignore the tendril of frustration wriggling around in my chest. He promised me the world and then left me anyway.Hypocrite. You needed space. You forced him to go.

I needed to go home. Now.

Quietly, I creep down the stairs and when I reach the front door, I slide my shoes on, holding my breath the entire time.

I know my parents are going to be confused when they arrive and I’m not here. And I know Millie is going to be annoyed that I left but she doesn’t need me here. Glancing at her through the glass, having a great night surrounded by people who love her, there’s an ache in my chest. I bet she didn’t even want me here.

Clenching my jaw, I slipped out of the cabin wordlessly.

The property manager had been by earlier, after the power came back on with staff to ensure that everything was still working as it should, and had kindly cleared the fresh snow from my car. Thank the stars for that, I think as I climb into the icebox. Starting the engine, I reverse down the drive without waiting for it to warm up properly. I couldn’t risk someone hearing me and stopping my escape, not that anyone besides Zale would. If he even did.

Almost three hours into my drive, I’m forced to stop for gas, pulling up to a station that has an attendant so I don’t even need to get out of the car. A fact I'm grateful for when I roll down the window down to give the gas station employee my card, and he pulls back like he’s been burned as he gets a waft of my pheromones

The pills were barely working now, just making me sick and sweaty on top of everything else. I couldn’t stop my hands from trembling as I clutch the wheel and try to ride out another stomach cramp that made me want to beg. I’m not entirely sure who I would be begging, but at this point anyone who could take away the pain.

While I’m waiting for the attendant to fill my car up, I pull out my phone and find texts and missed calls from my sister and my parents. There are even a few from a number I don’t recognize.

With a sigh, I pull up my mother’s number and call even though it’s almost two am. Given how many frantic voicemails they’d left, there was no way they weren’t sitting up waiting for my call.

“Shiloh,” my mother breathes down the line, her words heavy with relief. “What’s going on? We’ve been trying to call you!”

Was guilt just a permanent weight on my shoulders these days?

“I’m almost back in Oakley.” I explain, letting my head fall back onto the headrest. The world was starting to look a little blurred around the edges and I just needed a moment to center myself. “Nothing’s wrong, I’ve just gone into my heat early and I didn’t want to stay at the cabin with all those people.”

She makes a quiet tutting noise, “Why didn’t you tell us that you were due to go in heat? We would’ve?—”

“Would have what?” I snort bitterly. Would they have been happy if I'd stayed home alone while they all celebrated without me? “There’s nothing you could’ve done. You can’t fight nature, mother.”

“Impudent child,” she scolds, but her words are gentle. I know she understands that I’m vulnerable and sensitive right now. “I’m not saying that Shiloh, but perhaps we could’ve toldyour sister to not invite her friends or we could have postponed it until next week.”

That never would have happened. Millie had big plans for our twenty-first and nothing was going to get in the way of that. I chuckle, my mouth feeling dry and my eyes heavy as I let them close for a moment. “Yeah, because Millie would take that well. You know she doesn’t like to be told no.”

Shit.

Did I say that aloud?

The attendant finishes fueling up my car and hands me back my card with a tired smile. At least I was the only car on the lot, so I didn’t feel the need to rush.

“Are you sure you’re alright? Do you want to speak to your father?” She sounds worried and I hate it. Before I can say anything else or tell her that it’s not necessary, she’s already handed over the phone.

My dad’s soft voice comes down the line, a calming balm to the throbbing headache that holds me in its clutches. “Hello love, are you being a bit snappy with your mother?”

“No,” I snap like a grumpy teenager before sighing. “Maybe. Not on purpose.”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Goddess, why did everything I say sound like it was coming out of the mouth of a petulant teenager?

“Don’t lie to me, Shiloh Vos.” His words are stern, sending a shiver down my spine. Growing up, I’d seen my mother angry a few times, her alpha temperament could make her a hot-head but my father never lost his cool. He never had to. He would use that same stern voice on us, and we would fold quicker than picnic chairs.

“Dad, do you ever wish that you weren’t an omega?” I say the words quietly, letting them soak into the silence that follows.

“No, because I have everything I could ever want. A beautiful wife and two beautiful children, but I know that isn’t what everyone else wants.” I can tell he’s trying to be gentle with me, and it makes me wish he was here for this conversation. “Do you wish that you weren’t?”

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