Page 30 of The Perfect Marriage

“I’m sorry. I’m just. I’m still… processing all of this.” She looks away from me, almost like she’s ashamed for her outburst. I tell her it’s fine, even though I don’t think it is. None of this is fine. Kelly is dead. She was sleeping with another man. How could she?

“Maybe she was raped by that third man?” I offer.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe that third guy killed her too.” I’m trying to make sense of all this, but none of this makes sense.How could Kelly be seeing someone else? Why would she be? Was I not enough? Did she not love me like I loved her?

“Maybe. But I thought you were convinced it was Scott?” She jots down a few more notes.

“I thought I was too. I mean, I am. It had to have been him. He was abusive. You saw what he could do. He beat the hell out of me, and he hurt you, and I know what he was doing to Kelly.” I’m trying to convince Sarah just as much as I’m trying to convince myself. It has to be Scott. This third guy—maybe he was a one-night stand or maybe she was assaulted. I just can’t believe there was someone else. Kelly wouldn’t do that to me. She loved me. I loved her. We had something special.

“Well, that all may be true. But there’s no evidence to point to Scott. He may have been abusive, but that doesn’t mean he killed her. Plus, there were no reports of domestic abuse between Kelly and Scott.”

“She wouldn’t go to the police. He was the police. She was terrified.”

“I get that, but without evidence, it won’t hold up in court. The texts he sent her will help your case, but if he has an alibi, it won’t really matter. Husbands and wives fight. Right now, we have you at the scene of the crime, you were the last one to see her alive, and your DNA is all over her. Plus, there’s this….” Sarah slides a piece of paper out of a folder and places it in front of me. It’s in my handwriting. It’s the note I wrote to Kelly the night of her death. These were my last words to her. She never got to read them. She was already dead when I wrote them.

I read the note to myself again.

Kelly,

It’s you. It hasn’t always been you, but it will always be you. You’re the words to a story I’ve been trying to write my whole life, and tonight I determined the ending.

Love you, Love me, Adam

P.S. The maid will be here at 9am. Please make sure you’re gone before then.

“What was that ending you had decided?” Sarah’s eyes are glossy.

I stutter trying to find the words but knowing I don’t want to reveal these words to her. But I have to tell her the truth. It’s the only way she can help me. “I had decided to leave you and be with her.”

Sarah’s expression doesn’t change. She looks at me and then drops her eyes to her notepad. Her lip quivers ever so slightly, and her eyes tighten. She takes a few notes.

“But I changed my mind. When you told me you wanted to have a baby and start a family with me, I decided I was going to end it with Kelly and I was going to be completely dedicated to you and our family.” I reach for her hand. She doesn’t reach out for mine. She shuffles around some papers.

“And you decided that two hours after writing a note to Kelly pledging your love to her.”

I nod.I’m an idiot. How did I get myself into this mess?

“A jury could read this letter one of two ways—the way you just stated or a more ominous way. The ending could have been her death, and your little P.S. at the end could be you trying to make it seem like Kelly was still alive when you wrote this note. I believe what you said because only an idiot would try to cover up a murder with a letter.”

“Well, I’m not lying about that,” I confirm.

“You said you had changed your mind about leaving me for Kelly after I told you I wanted to have a baby?”

“Yes. Absolutely. All I’ve ever wanted was to start a family with you. I love you so much, Sarah. I’m sorry for what I’ve done and I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. Just know that I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You’re my wife. You’re my everything. You’re my forever.”

“Kelly was pregnant,” Sarah blurts out.

My mouth drops open.

“She was four weeks along.” There’s not an ounce of emotion in her voice. It’s as if she were reading from a list. “According to the DNA results, you were the father.”

Those words stab me in my gut and rip out my heart. I mouth,What?but the words don’t come out. I stand up from my chair too quickly. The chair falls backward, hitting the ground with a thud. I drop my head into my hands and pull at my hair. I let out a loud howl. I cry for my unborn child. I know how this looks. Pregnant dead mistress. I try to compose myself, regain control of my emotions. Deep breaths, in and out.

“Did you know she was pregnant?” She looks up at me.

“You think I knew? How could you think I knew about this?” I pace back and forth, throwing my hands up. “How the fuck could you think that?” I ask again, this time with more bite and anger.

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