Page 39 of Home Is Where the Bodies Are

“Why wouldn’t you tell us that?” Michael scoffs. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing. That was it,” I lie again.The more you lie the easier it becomes.

Nicole tilts her head in an accusatory way. “How do we know you’re telling the truth?” She’s good at catching a lie, because she does it all the time... lying, I mean.

“Why would I?”

She shoots a glare at me. “Why would you lie about Mom saying something to you in the first place?”

“I... I don’t know. I just didn’t understand what Mom meant, so I thought it was nothing.” My words come out choppy and unconvincing.

I always knew it was meaningful. People don’t use their last breaths on worthless words.

Michael leans back in his seat and sips his beer. “Well, clearly it meant something.” He appears nonchalant but I can practically see his brain working overtime, trying to put the pieces together.

Nicole squints in concentration. She wants to be the one that figures this out. When you have nothing, you have everything to prove.

“Yeah, but what?” I ask. “With the email from Dad, it seems like she was warning me... like she knew he’d come back.”

“Wait, can’t you track an email?” Nicole asks. “Like an IP address or something?” She glances at me, but I don’t have the answer. And then we both look at Michael.

“Sometimes, yeah,” he says.

“Well, do that. His email said he’s closer than we think.” Nicole practically jumps from her seat.

Michael furrows his brow. “And what, we’re just supposed to go find him?”

“Why not? I mean, if he’s close, we may as well.” Nicole hands the phone to him.

Don’t trust...Do I tell them Mom’s warning? No, I can’t. I don’t know who she was referring to. Don’t trust Dad? Don’t trust anyone? I’ve already lied to them twice. I can’t just be like,Well, Mom actually said a little more, so I keep my mouth shut. They’re not going to find him anyway. I spent years searching, turning over every rock, and still came up empty-handed.

“Please,” Nicole begs. Her eyes develop a sheen.

Michael looks to me, but I offer nothing. His gaze falls on Nicole. She’s good at getting her way, and he’s not used to telling her no. It took me years to finally say no to her because saying that to an addict takes practice. Finally, he lets out a huff and gets up from his seat, heading toward the hallway.

“Where are you going?” she calls after him.

“I’m getting my laptop.”

Her face lights up. I knew he wouldn’t be able to say no to her, though I think he should have. False hope is the worst kind of hope.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t believe we’re close to finding Dad,” she says.

I can’t believe it either, because I know it can’t be true.

“Yeah,” is all I’m able to muster up.

“Aren’t you excited or at least relieved?” she asks.

“Even if we did find him, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“But he could tell us what happened to Emma, and he could be in our lives again.”

“But what if...?” I pause, not wanting to say the words but feeling I need to, especially with Mom’s warning rolling around my brain like a ball in a pinball machine. “What if he’s dangerous?”

She snaps her head back, and her eyes go wide. “How could you even think that?”

“Because he’s been gone a long time, and I don’t know him anymore. The dad I knew wouldn’t walk out on Mom after over thirty years of marriage. He wouldn’t walk out on his kids. He wouldn’t not be in his granddaughter’s life. He wouldn’t show up after seven years via a fucking cryptic email. I don’t know who sent that email, but it didn’t come from the dad I knew.”

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