Page 46 of Home Is Where the Bodies Are

The concrete steps leading down the valley are large, so we take them slowly. They’re lined with rocks and boulders, also collected from the land, five feet wide on either side. On the left, three lamp posts are positioned equally in distance to one another. Beyond the concrete and the rocks are hillsides covered in old trees; wild, untamed weeds; and fallen leaves and branches. Lucas holds my hand until we’re at the bottom. When his fingers slip away, I can still feel them cradled in mine like a phantom limb.

The valley feeds into a clearing enclosed by hefty box elder and ash trees. From where we’re standing, it looks like the tips of them are touching the dull gray sky. Leaves ranging in colors from yellow to orange to brown dance through the crisp air, falling one by one before settling onto the ground.

“I forgot how incredible it is down here,” he says, scanning the area.

“It really is,” I say.

“Where are your siblings?”

I sigh. “They went to find my dad.”

He furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”

“You know those emails I told you about, the ones I send to my dad every week?”

Lucas nods.

“He wrote back.”

“Wow, that’s... unbelievable.” He scratches the back of his neck and glances down at his shoes.

“It is.”

“Why would he write back after all this time?”

“Maybe because Mom passed, and he felt obligated to reply.” I shrug.

“What did he say?”

“Not much. Just that he couldn’t be here for us.”

“Why even send the email then?”

“I don’t know. But Nicole wanted to find him, so she had Michael track down the IP address to where he sent the email from.”

“And you didn’t want to go?”

“No, because I can’t get my hopes up again.”

“I’m sorry, Beth,” Lucas says, and I’m not exactly sure what he’s apologizing for, but I tilt my head and nod. The wind whispers through the trees as though it has something it wants to say. We all do.

Lucas clears his throat. “How are the funeral arrangements coming along?” He obviously wants to change the topic of conversation. Death is an easier subject than the unknown.

“It’s tomorrow. She asked to be cremated and have her ashes spread around the property.” I look to him. “You know how my mom was. She never wanted anyone to make a fuss over her. Even her final wishes were as hassle-free as she could be.”

“Yeah. I remember bringing her flowers on her birthday, and after she thanked me, she scolded me for wasting my money.” He lets out a small laugh.

“That was Mom,” I say, shaking my head and smiling at the memory. “She gave everything, and she wanted nothing in return.” I pull the jean jacket a little tighter around my body, and for a split second, it feels like a hug from her.

“Would you mind if my mom and I stopped by to pay our respects?” he asks. “We won’t stay long, only ten minutes or so since she’s not doing well. But I know she’d like that.”

I lower my head, looking down at my old tennis shoes. I’ve probably walked fifty miles in them, but all they’ve gotten me is here. I should say no. I should make up a reason as to why they can’t come. But there is no good reason—at least not one I can tell Lucas.

His lips sit partially open, waiting for an answer.

“Of course. It’s at sunset. That’s when she wanted it to be.”

He smiles and nods. “Shall we?” Lucas gestures to the field of overgrown grass.

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