Page 66 of Home Is Where the Bodies Are

“I bet. It’s been a while,” I say as I walk into the living room and push around a few boxes. I don’t know what to do with myself or how to act around him... especially with that VHS tape staring at me.

He follows me and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It feels like both yesterday and a lifetime ago.” Lucas tilts his head. “It’s funny how time works. They say it’s linear but sometimes it feels like it’s happening all at once. Ya know?”

“I know exactly what you mean,” I say.

My eyes go to the tape again. If I played it for him, he’d be transported back to 1999 and finally, after all this time, he’d know exactly what happened to his sister. The past and present unfolding and happening all at once.

“Can I get a tour?” he asks, pulling me back to the now.

There’s a small smile on his face, and I force myself to return it. “Sure. A lot has changed since you were last here.”

“Really?”

“No,” I tease. Our smiles grow just a half inch or so.

The tour is short, as the house isn’t large by any means, and now we’re standing in my bedroom, and it feels like we’re sixteen again. The walls are bare now, and all that’s left from my childhood is a bed, a dresser, and a desk. My suitcase sits open in the corner, which is what I’ve been living out of for a few months. Pencil markings on the door illustrate Lucas’s and my heights. When we first started dating, we were basically the same height, but he shot up over a foot our sophomore year, and I stopped growing after that. My eyes go to the window and I remember all the times he snuck in and out of it. I wonder if that’s what he’s thinking about. He scans the room, not saying anything, but the corners of his mouth curve up, then straighten out before curving again. Waves of fond memories crashing against the shore of a much bleaker present day.

“Do you ever think about us?” he asks. His Adam’s apple bobs as though he meant to swallow that question but uttered it instead.

“All the time,” I say. I haven’t told the truth in a while, and my words surprise me. I’m also not usually this forward. It’s hard to be forward when you’ve been living life backward.

He inches closer to me, and we stare into each other’s eyes, getting lost in them, finding our way back to one another. I used to think we were supposed to be together because he was the boy who lived across the street, but now I know geography had nothing to do with it. His hand brushes against my cheek, and it stirs every nerve in my body. I can feel him everywhere even though he’s only touched one part of me.

“I missed you,” I whisper, leaning my head into his hand.

“I missed you too, Beth,” he whispers back.

There’s nothing more to say. My heart races, pounding against my rib cage, and my mind calms for the first time in a long time when his lips meet mine. It’s like I’ve found something I thought was lost forever. Our mouths open and close as our kiss becomes hungry. I bite his lower lip, and he moans. I remember the first time I did that to him. He responded the same way. His hands run all over my body, from my back to my breasts to beneath the waistline of my jeans. His fingers crawl past my pubic bone, eventually finding what they were looking for. I kiss him so hard that I have to pull away to come up for air.

His lips graze my ear and neck while his fingers rock inside me, leaving me panting and wanting more. Lucas pulls his hand from inside my jeans and kisses me again. His fingers curl under the hem of my shirt, and he tugs it off. I do the same to him, my nails running along his pecs and abs. We climb out of our jeans and fall onto the mattress. We could collide with pavement or loose gravel or even a floor covered in Legos, and I wouldn’t care as long as it was him I was falling with.

* * *

I leave the bathroom and grab two beers from the kitchen before returning to my bedroom. Lucas slides his shirt back on and smiles at me as I stand in the doorway, watching him.

“Thirsty?” I ask, holding out a bottle of beer.

“Parched.” He takes it and gulps, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Better?” I ask.

Lucas makes a refreshed sound and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Better,” he says.

I take a sip while Lucas meanders over to the window, looking out at the front yard. You can even see his house from it, just barely. I remember falling asleep staring out. Knowing he was close by always brought me comfort.

“Is this a one-time thing?” he asks, turning to face me.

“I hope not.”

The corners of his mouth curve up, and his blue eyes seem to brighten to the shade of the sky behind him. “I hope it’s not either.”

I close the distance between us and lean into him, pressing my cheek against his chest. His heart beats slow and steady, but then it starts to race.

“There’s something I never told you. It’s about why I broke up with you our senior year,” he says, looking down at me. His face has turned serious.

I take a step back so I can see all of him. “I thought it was because you were going off to college, and I wasn’t.”

He shakes his head. “I would have never ended it with you over distance.”

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