Page 67 of Home Is Where the Bodies Are

My eyes start to sting, threatening a release of tears. “Then why did you?”

“It had to do with my dad.”

“I know, Lucas. I know how hard it was on you when he died, and I wanted so badly to be there for you, but you shut me out.”

“I didn’t shut you out because I was grieving.”

“I don’t understand.”

“My dad’s death wasn’t an accident,” he says.

“Yes, it was. It was a hunting accident.”

“No, he committed suicide.”

I shake my head, but no words come out.

“He did, Beth. He even left a note behind. My mom just hid it, and the sheriff helped make sure the cause of death was listed as accidental for life insurance purposes. He felt bad for her, and I think a bit guilty after never finding the person responsible for Emma’s disappearance.” Lucas lets out a sigh and hangs his head.

“I’m really sorry, but I don’t understand. What does that have to do with you breaking up with me?”

He furrows his brow. “I think my dad had something to do with Emma going missing.”

“What? Why would you think that?”

Lucas takes a seat on the mattress. “Because of the letter he left behind.”

“What’d it say?”

“It said he couldn’t forgive himself for what he’d done.”

My eyes are wide, flicking between Lucas and the door... the door that leads to the hallway, the hallway that leads to the living room, the living room that contains the VHS tape, and the VHS tape that holds the truth. How could he think his dad had anything to do with Emma’s death? I mean, I remember Eddie being strict and a bit short-tempered when Lucas broke his rules, like being late for curfew or talking back. Maybe that was enough for him to think the worst of his dad.

“I worried that I was like him or could be like him.” He looks up at me again. “So, I broke it off with you. I figured I was doing you a favor. Protecting you.”

The tears that fall from my eyes are hot and heavy, full of sadness and anger.

“Maybe he wasn’t referring to Emma,” I say, taking a step toward Lucas.

“What else would it be about? Plus, he killed himself on the two-year anniversary of her disappearance.”

I feel sick. My heart pounds so hard, I think it might crack a rib. Sweat gathers at my hairline, and my stomach flips and twirls. I force small breaths through my nose. Inhale. Hold for four. Exhale. But no matter how I breathe, years of regret and resentment are threatening to pour out of me. You can only hold so much in before it all comes gushing out. I race to the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time before I throw up coffee, bile, and the few sips of beer I’d had. My entire body wretches. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. He holds my hair and rubs my back, and I heave until I have nothing left inside of me. When I’m done, he leaves the bathroom so I can clean myself up.

I find Lucas in the living room, surveying the packed-up boxes... it’s like he’s looking for something. The VHS tape sits on top of the VCR. I wonder if he’s noticed it.

I clear my throat to make my presence known. He stops inspecting my parents’ belongings and whips his head in my direction, taking a step toward me. “Are you all right?” he asks.

I nod but look to the floor, unable to make eye contact. “Sorry,” I say.

“Don’t be. It’s a hard truth to swallow. Trust me.” He lets out a sigh.

It takes a few moments before I can finally look at him. It’s difficult but I force myself. “I don’t think it’s the truth, Lucas.”

He squints and tilts his head. Before he can say anything else and before I can talk myself out of telling him, I walk to the VCR and pick up the tape, flipping it over in my hand.

“What’s that?” he asks.

“It’s the truth of what really happened to Emma.”

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