Page 110 of For the Win

“I need to see her.But we’re leaving for Vancouver in...”I check my phone.“Half an hour.Shit.”

“Call her.Text her.Do something.You need to at least apologize.”She shakes her head, and I can feel her disgust with me.

I deserve it.

“Yeah.Yeah.I’ll call her.”I stand, gripping my phone.

“Stay here.I’m late for a meeting.”She hustles out of her office, closing the door behind her so I’m alone.

I try calling, but Arya doesn’t pick up.I leave a pathetic voice mail, but somehow I know she’s not going to call me back.

I try again on the plane, and again get voice mail.This time I leave a longer message.“I need to see you,” I say in a strangled voice.“I need to apologize.I’m an asshole and I don’t blame you if you never want to see me again, but please just let me tell you how sorry I am.”

It’s not good enough.I know it isn’t.

While the guys chirp and joke around the entire flight to Vancouver, I’m collapsed in a window seat, head against the wall of the plane, staring at nothing, thinking about everything that happened today.Mom’s honesty.Dad telling me he’s proud of me for being a good man, when I’m not a good man, I’m so far from that.Then Everly giving me shit for being a selfish jerk.Shame burns a hole in my gut.

23

ARYA

“You were right.”I sniffle a little, staring down into my cocktail.It’s lime and pineapple juices with a hint of ginger.And vodka.A lot of vodka.

Taj rubs my shoulder.“I’m sorry.”

“I told him what happened.And he couldn’t handle it.You were right.How could we have a relationship if he couldn’t deal with it?”

He sighs.“I actually didn’t think that’s how it would turn out.He seems like a decent guy.”

“Other than the stalking.”

“Come on,” he gently chides me.“You know he wasn’t stalking you the same way Lucas was.”

“I know.I was nervous at first, but...I wanted to be brave and it didn’t take me long to realize he’s a good guy.”I sigh.“And I’m working on not beating myself up over taking the chance.I thought I was ready for it.Turns out I was...but he wasn’t.”I sip my drink.This is going down like water on a hot summer day after a 10K run.“They won last night, though.Yay.”

“You don’t sound very happy.”He picks up his beer.

“I am happy.For him.They needed to win to stay in the playoffs, so that’s good.He didn’t play very well, though.Not that I know much about hockey, but he seemed...invisible.He didn’t seem to be on the ice much, and when he was, he didn’t do anything.”

“Shit.”

“I know.I was worried about talking to him during the playoffs in case it distracted him.I don’t want to be the reason they lose.”

“Uh...they won.”

“Right.”

“Also, that’s giving yourself a lot of credit—the whole team losing because of you?”He lifts an eyebrow.

I snort-laugh.“Oh my God.You’re totally right.I’m being a drama queen.Thanks for keeping me real.”Then I sigh again.“I just want him to do well and be happy.”

“He was probably happy they won.”

“Yeah.”I nod, yet somehow I know he wouldn’t be satisfied with his performance last night.

“You haven’t heard from him since?”

“He called me earlier.Twice.I was in class, but he left voice mails.He says he wants to apologize.”

---