Page 114 of For the Win

I need to gather my wits.Blinking rapidly, I continue.“Shift your weight into your heels, enough that you could raise your toes off the board if you wanted.Breathing smooth...even...deep.”

Harrison moves into the pose smoothly, his powerful thighs flexing as he bends his knees.My jaw loosens, even though I’ve seen those thighs many times.

I manage to maintain my composure and lead the class despite the thoughts ping-ponging around in my head.I’m on autopilot, which isn’t fair to the others here, but at least I keep going.It’s a challenge to not look at Harrison, and every time I do, he’s watching me, and our glances collide with a visceral impact that nearly knocks me off my board.

Don’t want that to happen again, nope.

“Bring your hips down even lower and lift through your heart, spreading your shoulder blades apart...”I look around at the group.These are all people who’ve been here before.“Go deeper...deeper...”My eyes flick toward Harrison.

He smirks at me and arches an eyebrow.

Damn him and his dirty mind!Now I want to laugh!

We move onto other poses, inhaling fresh air as the ocean breeze wafts around us.I fill my lungs and control my breathing, hoping to steady my galloping pulse.“Now...inhale...exhale and fold forward.Place your paddle on the board, and your hands on either side of the board...roll your shoulders away from your ears, inhale...extend the spine forward.”

I lead them through the Cobra Pose.“Tuck the toes and press back to all fours...”I lift myself onto hands and knees, then lift my butt in the air.“And into Downward-Facing Dog.”

“I feel really connected to my dog spirit,” Harrison says.

This is the first comment he’s made since he joined us.My head is down and I can’t see him, but I swallow a giggle.

We flow through Warrior 1 and Warrior 2.Some are wobbling a bit on their boards, but as I glance over at Harrison, he’s steady as a rock.

Steady.As a rock.

I love that.

“Find your Plank Pose...either on your knees, or legs straight.”I work on maintaining my focus, moving through poses.“Enjoy the movement of your body on the water.Connect with your breath.”We’re all still and quiet for a moment.I don’t look at Harrison.“One more breath.”

We move into Child’s Pose to finish, relaxing into the silence and gentle movement of the water beneath us.But my body is vibrating with nerves and excitement because as class ends...I’ll talk to Harrison.

At one time I would have been anxious about him showing up like this.But I’m not.And I know I haven’t totally conquered my fears and the trauma, but I do know that I trust Harrison.

We paddle back to shore.There’s a little chatter, and laughter from the rest of the group, but I stay behind them.Harrison paddles near me.

“Okay,” he says.“Push me in the water.”

My head whips around to stare at him.

He holds his arms out wide.“Push me in.I deserve it.”

My lips twitch.“I’m not pushing you in.”

He grins, and it’s the most gorgeous, uplifting smile I’ve ever seen.I can’t help but smile back at him, my heart jumping in my chest.“You should.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Yeah.”

I tip my head, eyeing him.I dip my paddle and push, and I’m nowhere even close to touching his board, but he wobbles as if he’s losing his balance, windmilling his arms dramatically, and then he falls backward into the water with a shout and a splash.

My mouth drops open and my eyes pop wide.“Oh my God!”

He comes up spluttering.“I’m okay.”

I cover my smile with my fingers.“What are you doing?”

The other people in the class are at the shore and have turned to watch.

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