Page 37 of For the Win

We all frown at each other.

“A couple of doctors, to be honest.”

“Mom...”Everly starts.

Mom holds up a hand.“Let me finish.”Her voice quivers.“I know you all have started noticing problems lately, but I noticed it a long time ago.”She takes in a breath and lets it out.“We were referred to a neurologist.They did a bunch of tests.A lot of them are to rule out other problems.But last week we were told that almost certainly Dad has Alzheimer’s.”

I close my eyes.I did not want to hear those words.

“You should have told us,” Everly says quietly.

“I wanted to be more certain.I’m sorry.I know this is hard and I didn’t want to worry everyone if there was some other reason.”She presses her fingers to her mouth.

“I’m fine,” Dad says gruffly.“Nobody has to worry about me.”

But I can tell...he’sworried.Maybe even scared.

My dad.My role model.The man I’ve always counted on for support and advice and help with anything.

My throat thickens and I take a quick sip of lemonade.

Tears are running down Everly’s face.She gets up and goes over to Dad to crouch in front of him.She takes his hands.“I love you, Daddy.”

“I know, Evvie.”He smiles at her.

I stand too and move behind the sectional.I set my hand on Dad’s shoulder and squeeze.“Love you, Dad.”

He pats my hand.“I love you too.All of you.Like your mom said, you’re the best kids.”

Dad has two other sons, and his comment makes us acutely aware that they’re not here and are still fighting with Dad over money.

I get now why Everly did what she did.Everything else seems stupid and meaningless in the face of this shitty news.

“So, what’s the plan?”I ask Mom.

“We have a medication that may help slow the cognitive decline,” she says.“Other than that, we can only take things as they come.We’re exploring options for the future.Dad says he doesn’t want to be a burden on me...or anyone.”Her voice breaks.She leans her head on his shoulder, eyes closed.For a moment, she can’t speak.

I feel like a hippo is standing on my chest.This fucking sucks for everyone.

My mom is strong.I know she is.But she always had Dad with her, backing her up.Now she’s going to have to do this alone.

But she’s not alone.“Mom, we’re all here for you,” I say.“For both of you.”

“I know.”She lifts her head.“Thank you.”

I’m filled with emotions battling inside me.I don’t even know what I feel.Anger.Sadness.Denial.Confusion.My father is dying.It’s going to be hell watching him decline, seeing everything he’s losing.Andwe’relosinghim.

I don’t know if I can deal with this.

I turn and walk over to the edge of the pool to stare at it.

I hear the conversation continue behind me...“How long does he have?”“Maybe years.We don’t know what will happen or how fast it will progress.”

I cover my mouth with one hand, my lungs burning.Fuck.

I turn back to the group.I meet Ash’s eyes.He and I are twins and we’ve always understood each other without words.It helps to know that he’s feeling exactly the same.

When Dad goes inside to the bathroom, Mom tells us more.

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