Page 76 of For the Win

Smiling, she turns her face to him so their mouths meet.

A rock lodges in my chest.It can’t be him.

I lick my bottom lip, then bite it.I slowly stand and make my way toward the building that houses the ice cream shop.Staying close to the wall, I approach the corner.

Neither of them is paying attention to me, but still, I hug the corner of the building and peer around it.

Fuckety fucking fuck.

ItisHarrison!

My skin tingles everywhere, and my head goes fuzzy.I can’t think.What the fuck?

He had a team meeting...then said he’d be busy.

Oh yeah...he’s getting busy all right.

I back up around the corner and lean my head against the wall, squeezing my eyes shut.My stomach is a mass of knots and tears burn my eyes.I don’t understand this.

We agreed we’re dating.

But I guess we never talked about being exclusive.Am I an idiot for assuming that?

Yes, apparently I am.Once again.

Fuck, I should have known better!I can’t rely on my own instincts when it comes to judging character.

I need to get out of here.I feel like I’m going to throw up.

I toss my cone into a trash bin, grab my bike and jump onto it.Pedaling away, I blink back tears and grit my teeth.

Do I have the right to be hurt and angry?We just started seeing each other.

We had sex.That should mean something.Shouldn’t it?

Maybe I’m a naïve little girl from the north, thinking that.Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to him.Maybe he’s seeing lots of other women.He never promised me anything.

But the things he said...how hard he tried to get me to go out with him.Why would he do that if he was still seeing other women?

My head is spinning faster than the tires on my bike.Legs pumping furiously, I turn away from the beach and head up Rose Avenue toward Taj’s house.

Fuck Harrison Wynn.

Of course I have the right to be angry and hurt.I have the right to feel however I feel.And I’m fucking pissed.

I zig-zag through the residential streets till I’m home.I lock up my bike, stride into the house, and slam the door shut.

I’m not sure who I’m angrier at—Harrison or me, for being so stupid.

I retrieve my chunk of rose quartz from my bedroom, then sit on the living room floor in lotus position, palms in Jnana Mudra, a position known for its calming nature.The rose quartz will help with the negativity.

I close my eyes.

I use my failures as a stepping-stone.

I’ve learned from past mistakes.That doesn’t mean I’ll never screw up again.And I’ll learn from this screw-up too.

Somehow.

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