Page 98 of For the Win

“No, it’snota good time.”

I gape at her.What the fuck?I didn’t do anything wrong!I dropped by to see her without calling ahead of time.That’s not crazy, when we’ve been seeing each other and sleeping together and...what thefuck?

My belly churns with a toxic mess that burns its way up to my chest.“Okay,” I bite out.“Fine.”I spin and walk back to my vehicle.

21

ARYA

I feel so stupid.

I know I totally overreacted to Harrison showing up at home the other night.First, someone showing up at the door, at night, when I was home alone, scared the shit out of me.I thought I was doing better, being home alone at night, but someone at the door I wasn’t expecting had visions of Lucas flashing in front of my eyes, his erratic behavior and his threats coming back to haunt me.

Then, as I was cowering in my bedroom with my phone in hand, I discovered it was Harrison and I was so relieved I almost started crying, and then I was mad at him for scaring me like that and mad at myself for being so scared.I didn’t handle it very well.

And I made him angry, with my irrational response.

I sink down onto a chair in the living room, staring into space.

If I’d told him what happened to me with Lucas, maybe he wouldn’t have been so pissed.I didn’t want him to know about it, but it dawns on me that I probably should have told him.I remember why I told Everly and the others...because making friends and building connections with people requires honesty.Vulnerability.I didn’t do that with Harrison, and he’s the one I most want a true connection with.

He’s in Vancouver now with a game tonight, so I can’t even see him to apologize.I don’t know when is a good time to call him.I don’t want to distract him.So I don’t do anything while I figure that out.

I keep myself busy all day with classes, but when I get home that night, Taj is out and the house is quiet and empty.

I am so messed up.

There’s no way I deserve a boyfriend like Harrison.

I don’t know what to do about this.

I check the time, but I don’t know why, because I don’t know his schedule.I have no idea what he’s doing on the road.

I have to do something.I have to at least apologize to him.So I opt for a text.

I overreacted last night and I’m sorry.

I don’t get a response, but I didn’t think I would.

* * *

I’m obsessively checkingmy phone like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call.Luckily, I can’t bring it into classes with me on Saturday, so that distracts me for a while.

I go for a bike ride between afternoon and evening classes, finding the spot where Harrison and I made out in the sand near the Venice Pier.I sit with my arms wrapped around my knees and stare at the ocean, the wind blowing my hair around.I really screwed up and the timing was the worst.Normally I could have tracked Harrison down and apologized and explained to him.He’s off playing for the biggest championship in his sport and I’m a jerk.

I can only hope he’s more focused and together than I am.Because I won’t be able to bear the guilt if I’ve messed up his head before an important game.But he’s a professional.I’m sure he’s fine.

I get home a few minutes before Taj and we make a late dinner together.We haven’t done this for a while, I’ve been spending so much time with Harrison.

“You’re really quiet,” he comments as he cuts tofu into cubes.“You okay?”

“Yeah.”I pause, then sigh gustily.“No.”I tell him what happened the other night.

He pauses in his slicing, tilts his head, and gives me a long look.

“I know, I know.I freaked out.”I press my fingers to my mouth for a few seconds.“I was scared someone was at the door, but even when I saw it was him, I was so pissed at him for doing that!It just...”

“Brought back memories?”

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