Page 74 of Royal Reluctance

Bo’s head jerks up. “Do you? It’s not just me?”

I meet his gaze and there’s no hiding when he looks at me like that. “It’s taking everything I’ve got not to be in your arms right now.”

“Thenwhy? Why are we doing this to ourselves? If you want to be with me—”

I do…

The words hang between us, and in that moment, it would be so easy to forget Timothy, to forget my life and let Bo be Bo. Let him convince me to stay.

Because in this moment, it would be so easy.

I draw in a shaky breath. There’s more to us than this moment. There’s eight years to repair, and while Bo could convince me, I need him to convince himself.

“When you told me that it had been a mistake to marry me, that broke me,” I tell him in a low voice. Even the memory of it feels like a punch to the stomach. “And now when I find out it was because you felt guilty—”

“Why are you bringing this up? It was my fault.”

“No.” I plead with him with my gaze. “It wasn’t. But only you can convince yourself to believe that. Going to talk to the therapist is a good start. Let’s see what they say, and then…”

I can’t even saymaybe,although the word is right there, waiting like a conversation you don’t want to have. Because before I can even think it, there are conversations Ineedto have.

“You said something earlier,” I remind him. “About not losing me again.”

“So if I don’t see this doctor…”

“I don’t think I can,” I finish. I mean to step away from him, but I can’t bring myself to break the connection. “But it’s not just you. I have to deal with my guilt, because it’s not going away. And my family. This isn’t just about how we feel about each other.”

“It’s important,” Bo insists.

“Yes, but we’ve never had a problem with how we feel about each other.”

Feel. Not felt. And because of how I feel at this moment, how I’ve always felt about Bo, I let him pull me closer and rest his chin on the top of my head. His arms go around me and I wrap mine around his waist.

It feels so good to have him hold me that I let it go on for long minutes.

Probably longer than I should.

26

Bo

Ialmost kissed Hettielast night.

Holding her in my arms after so long almost broke me. The way she looked at me, how soft her skin was against the roughness of my palm…

I’ve never felt a physical pain from wanting someone so much. But I’ve never wanted anyone like Hettie.

I didn’t give in to the want. Hettie hasn’t said how she feels about me, despite the way she might look at me. And there’s still Timothy in the picture.

Timothy.

However much I dislike the thought of another man sharing her life, I respect Hettie too much to put her in that situation.

Even though I didn’t kiss her, she haunted my dreams after I finally went to sleep. It was our wedding and Hettie walked through the trees toward me. It’s not the first time I’ve dreamt of that day, but it was different this time.

Tema was there.

Tema danced beside her, with flowers in her hair and a huge smile on her face like she was the happiest she’d ever been.

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