Page 36 of Lost and Lassoed

“So how’s everything with Teddy?” Brooks asked.

“Fine,” I said, and took a swig of my beer.

“That’s all I get?” he asked. “The two of you are living under one roof for half the week, and as far as I know, your house is still standing, and all you have to say about it is that it’s fine?”

“Yep.”

Brooks shook his head. “How’s Riley liking it?”

“She loves Teddy,” I said.

“God, that must suck for you,” Brooks laughed.

I grunted.

“But it’s good, right? To have some extra help?”

“Yeah.” I sighed deeply. This was my best friend. If I couldn’t talk to him about it, who could I talk to? “It’s nice, actually.” Brooks raised a brow. “She’s good with Riley. She keeps her busy and is thoughtful about what they do together. I don’t know.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “I’ve never seen this side of Teddy before.”

“Or maybe you just haven’t wanted to,” Brooks said with a shrug. “I’ve never had an issue with Teddy. I’ve always liked her. But I liked her more after I saw more of her and Emmy.The way they treat each other. I’m willing to bet she treats Riley the same way—just Emmy in smaller form.”

“That’s a good way to put it, actually,” I conceded. “It’s a good thing she’s only there half the week, or I might not even be needed anymore.” I didn’t actually think that was true—Teddy liked my cooking too much—but it was true that Teddy was exceeding all expectations. Even though my expectations of her had been historically low, I kept them sky-high when it came to my daughter.

“Whatever.” Brooks laughed. “You’re a good dad, Gus.” Brooks was quiet for a second and then asked, “Do you think I’d be good at it? Being a dad?”

“Is this your way of telling me something?” I asked. I felt my heart rate kick up a little. Were they…?

Brooks shook his head quickly. “No,” he said. “God, no. We’re a long way off from that, but we’ve just been talking about it lately—if kids are something we want.”

“And do you?” I’d never heard Brooks talk about kids before. It was kind of jarring. I mean, sure, I knew that it was probably in the cards at some point, but I didn’t think they’d start thinking about it so soon.

Or maybe it wasn’t soon. Maybe it was right on time. I looked around the backyard, the beautiful land, the care that he and Emmy had put into their home. Sometimes, as much as I hated to admit it, I felt jealous of the life that they had started to build with each other. Of course I was happy for them, but I still felt a weird ache in my chest about it.

I’d always imagined I’d have a life like this, with a partner. Maybe not the white picket fence thing, but you know, the traditional family unit. I’d put that dream on hold when Riley was born. It was more important for me to be there for Cam,and we had formed our own version of a family that worked for us. But now that Cam was getting married and we had gotten the hang of this parenting thing, I had started to feel those old stirrings. Every now and then, I’d find myself imagining what it might be like for someone else to be in my and Riley’s life. Someone who could help me remember to turn on the coffee maker before I went to bed because sometimes I forgot. Or someone to talk to about my day who wasn’t six.

Even though the six-year-old was great.

Someone who could make that six-year-old a big sister.

I had always told myself that I had too much in my life to want anything more. But now, hearing Brooks talk, I realized that I’d never imagined he would get what I wanted before I did.

“Yeah, I definitely want kids. But, man, I’m fucking terrified of it.” Brooks rubbed a hand down his face. “I’m scared of ending up like him.”

I knew who he was talking about. Brooks’s dad—Jimmy—was a piece of work, and so was his stepdad. Before Amos Ryder, I don’t think Brooks knew what it was like to be loved by a father.

“You’re not your dad, Brooks,” I said. “And for the record, I think you’d be a fucking incredible dad.” Just as I hoped I was, too, even if I was on my own. I loved Riley enough to make up for any holes in our family. And that was enough for me.Right?

Chapter 18

Teddy

My uterus felt like a war was being waged inside it—a war with knives and spears and other pointy objects. Honestly, it was a miracle I made it over to Gus’s house in one piece, considering I was doubled over in the driver’s seat the whole time.

When I pulled onto the gravel drive, the porch light was on, and I could hear music coming from the house—Conway Twitty.

I made my way up the steps with my small backpack. I’d been leaving most of my stuff here, except for the laundry I took home, but even that had gotten left this time around, since my washing machine was being a little shit. But it made it easy to go between my house and Gus’s. Honestly, I thought the back-and-forth would be more annoying, but it wasn’t bad. I think it’s because I was genuinely enjoying my time with Riley. She was a good kid—a funny kid, a smart kid, a kid who I would miss seeing every day when the summer was over.

I didn’t want to think about that right now—that this whole thing had an expiration date.

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