Page 84 of Lost and Lassoed

And I was going to miss who I got to be while I was with him. It wasn’t like I’d never see either of them again. I’d see them all the time, but not like this. I wouldn’t get to have slow mornings with Riley or late nights with Gus while he folded laundry and I read my book. I wouldn’t get to see him carefreeand open in his safe place, where he could shut out all the responsibilities he carried on his shoulders.

I didn’t know where we went from here. Did we try to go back to the way things were? Treat each other the way everyone had come to expect? Or would we see what would bloom from the seeds that had been planted this summer? Would we discover our own new type of flower, wild and unexpected and ours to behold? Or would it wither on the vine? I just didn’t know.

But I did know I was really going to miss him.MyGus.

Chapter 37

Gus

Cam was coming to pick up Riley tonight. Teddy’s bag was by the front door, and I had to fight the urge to kick it or dump it out or take it back to my room and start putting all her shit in my dresser.

I didn’t want her to go.

Riley and Teddy were in the living room. They’d put out a white sheet and were carefully laying out the dried flowers that they’d collected this summer. They’d gotten lucky today and found two of the last ones they were looking for—a yellow one near the old arena and a white one on the trail back to our house. Riley was thrilled. Teddy looked happy too, but there was still one flower missing, and she couldn’t seem to let it go.

“Dad! Come look!” Riley called. I quickly pulled the chicken and veggies I’d prepped out of the oven and walked into the living room. Teddy was sitting cross-legged in front of the sheet and Riley was sitting on her lap. They were both wide-eyed and smiley.

My girls,I thought, but quickly pushed that out of my head.We hadn’t talked about it yet—what happened when the summer was over. I hoped we’d keep moving forward. I hoped we’d keep choosing each other, because I was falling hard for her. I just didn’t know what the hell to do about it yet.

“This is incredible, Sunshine,” I said. “Look at everything you did this summer.”

“And Teddy, too!” Riley said, looking up at me.

“And Teddy, too,” I said softly. Teddy was smiling, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. When did I start noticing that sort of thing?

“Thank you,” I said to her. “For all of it.”

Teddy nodded and gave Riley a squeeze. “All right, Sunshine, let’s get these cleaned up. I’ve got to get going.”

My heart dropped like a rock in a lake, and I was surprised no one heard the thump. “You’re not staying for dinner?” I asked, the disappointment clear in my voice.

“I told my dad I’d be home,” she said. She wasn’t looking atme.

“Oh,” I said. “Okay.”

Riley and Teddy started gathering the flowers and placing them carefully back between the pages of the field guide. I got the rest of dinner together and tried to push out the dark cloud that had settled over me as Teddy’s departure became more imminent.

“Wash up,” I called to Riley as I stirred together a big bowl of pasta and sauce. Once I heard Riley’s feet heading up the stairs toward her bathroom, I turned around and saw Teddy leaning against the wall at the entrance of the kitchen.

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay?” I said as I took a few steps toward her.

Teddy nodded. “I’m sure, thank you,” she said, but shesounded anything but. Her blue eyes kept moving between me and the door—between staying and going.

Why was she conflicted? We had something here—didn’twe?

“I just…I just want to be home with my dad tonight,” she said as she pushed off the wall. “Thank you”—she wrapped her arms around my waist, and I cupped the back of her head—“for the best summer ever.”

I pulled back and looked down at her. “Teddy, I—”

She shrugged out of my hold and said, “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

And then she walked out the front door.

—

“Mama!” Riley’s cry could probably be heard in the next county over as she threw herself around Cam’s legs. Cam stumbled but was able to steady herself.

“Hi, Sunshine,” Cam said as she bent down to be eye to eye with Riley. “Look how big you are,” she said, brushing Riley’s curly hair out of her face. “I missed you so much.” Cam pulled our daughter into her arms and rocked her slowly.

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