Page 85 of Lost and Lassoed

“I missed you, Mama. I missed you. I missed you.” Riley was clinging to her mom’s neck. Cam stood, lifting Riley with her. She used one of her arms to pull me into their hug.

“Hey, big shot,” I said. “How are you?”

“Good.” Cam was beaming. She kept looking at Riley like she couldn’t believe she was holding her. “It’s nice to be home. Where’s Teddy?”

I rubbed the back of my neck and tried not to look the way I felt. “You just missed her,” I said.

“Is she coming back?” Cam asked, like maybe Teddy justwent out for groceries or something. I wished that was the case. I shrugged.

Cam tilted her head and was looking at me with a lot of questions in her eyes. Questions I probably didn’t know the answers to.

She set Riley down. “Sunshine,” she said as she stroked the top of Riley’s head, “why don’t you go grab your stuff and play for a little? I need to talk to your dad.”

Riley looked disappointed, but I said, “Why don’t you make your mom a picture with the paint set Teddy got you?” She lit up at that and started back toward the living room, where we’d unpacked the paints right after Teddy left.

Cam shrugged her jacket off and walked into my kitchen, which told me this was going to be a sit-down conversation. Great.

She opened my fridge, pulled out a beer and a seltzer, and sat on one of the bar stools under the kitchen counter. I sat next to her, and she slid the beer my way. I popped it open and took a healthy swig.

“So,” Cam said.

“So,” I responded quietly.

“What’s going on with you two? You and Teddy?” she asked, even though I was pretty sure she already knew, but that also meant there was no use lying to her.

“We had a thing,” I said.

“And that’s all it was?” Cam asked.

“Yes.”No.

“Liar,” Cam said, and I huffed.

“Okay,” I said, annoyed. “It’s not just a thing.”

“So why isn’t she here?”

“I don’t know,” I said. And I didn’t. I didn’t know why sheleft so quickly today. I didn’t know why she insisted on it or why she didn’t kiss me goodbye.

And it was fucking killing me.

“Ah,” Cam said, as though my answer was insightful. I didn’t think it was. She sighed, deeply, like she was mulling over what she was about to say.

“So, I’m getting married,” she said. I looked over at her and nodded. I was aware of that. “And Graham is a great guy—in his own way. He is nice to me, and to Riley, and he doesn’t ask me for more than I can give him.” I had no clue where she was going with this. Also, his name was Graham? I’d been calling him Greg this whole time. “Our engagement—our life—is backed by my meddling parents, his company mergers, dollar signs,” Cam said with a sigh.

She’d never said any of this to me before. I’d never gotten the impression that Cam was thrilled to be engaged, but I just thought it was because she was more reserved than most people I knew. Did she even want to marry this guy?

“And because of that, I’m very…picky about the relationship he has with Riley. I choose what areas of her life he gets to be part of carefully and sparingly. I think he sees her as more of a tiny roommate than a child he could potentially have a hand in bringing up,” she said. “But that’s by my design, because I’ve never had any interest in parenting our daughter with anyone but you.” Cam gave me a small smile. “Until now.

“I want you to know,” she went on, her voice earnest and kind—she put a hand on my arm—“that I think Teddy would make a hell of a bonus parent, and it would be an honor to add her to our team.”

There was a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow no matter how hard I tried.

“I know you better than most people, I think,” Cam continued. “And I know what you look like when you’re happy or sad or tired—which is impressive, because to the untrained eye, all of your scowls look the same—but I’ve never known what you look like when you’re in love, until today.” I stopped breathing. “It’s okay to love her, Gus. It’s okay to want her. It’s okay towant.You have so much love to give, Gus. I see it in the way that you love our daughter and in the way you care for your family—me included—and I just want you to have someone who can love you back the same way.” Cam’s voice held so much emotion. “And Teddy—our lion—might be the only person I know who loves as fiercely as you do.”

Cam was speaking to a part of me that most people didn’t know existed—the part that desperately wanted to love and be loved.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I just sat there and let her words sink in.

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