Page 86 of Lost and Lassoed

When Teddy left today, things had felt weird between us, but I don’t think that’s because theywereweird. The fact is that the whole reason we were brought together was coming to an end, and we didn’t talk about it before it happened.

Now that I was thinking about it, I wondered if she thought I let her go too easily. I told her last night that I never wanted to let her go, and now I was worried that I’d done that accidentally, by letting her leave without talking. Usually I thought actions spoke louder than words. I’d done everything I could to show Teddy how deeply I cared, and she’d done the same for me, but when it came down to a future together, we neededto talk about it too. I needed to tell her that I wanted her for so much longer than the summer.

I wanted her so badly that her being gone felt like an open wound being doused with salt water.

“I don’t think you should let her go, Gus,” Cam said.

“I won’t,” I said, and I meant it. I would bring her back to me. “And, Cam—if you don’t want to get married, I don’t think you should get married.”

Cam smiled at me, but she looked sad. “I’ll be okay, Gus,” she said. “Not everyone is built for love the way you are.” She got off her stool then and called for Riley, not giving me a chance to push her any further.

Chapter 38

Gus

It had been a few days since Teddy walked out my front door. I’d sent her a few texts—checking in—but I was trying my best not to bombard her, fighting the part of myself that wanted to drive to her house, bang on the door, and ask her to come home.

She said we’d talk soon, and Teddy always did what she said she was going to do. I didn’t think she’d leave us behind like that. It seemed like she had a few things to work through first.

A lot of things had changed for both of us over the past couple of months, but especially for Teddy. As much as she loved spending time with Riley, I knew she missed her job. Plus, if things went my way, she’d be spending the rest of her life with Riley.

I wanted Teddy to have it all—a job she loved, purpose, a family, whatever she wanted—and I had a few ideas about how we could at least start on all of those things when she was ready. God, I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her.

I was gazing out on Rebel Blue’s land when my dad walkedinto the stables to tack up Cobalt. I had been thinking about Riley and Teddy’s plant project, the one stubborn flower that was still hiding from them somewhere out there.

“Morning,” he said with a tip of his hat.

“Good morning,” I responded, but my voice was far away. They hadn’t been able to find rock jasmine. Riley had talked about it so much that there was no way I’d be able to forget the thing that was keeping them from their perfect twenty. “What are you up to today?” I asked, trying to focus on my dad.

“I thought I’d check cattle with you.” A last-minute change of plan was a signature in my dad’s playbook. It meant only one thing: He wanted to talk about something. He didn’t have a lot of tricks, but the ones that he did have were effective—especially when they involved our being alone on an hour-long ride to find the part of the herd we were looking for.

“Sounds good,” I said.

On our cattle ranch, the health and welfare of our herd was our number one priority. It was our responsibility to make sure our cattle were fed, watered, sheltered, healthy, and content. At its core, ranching could be summed up in one word: stewardship. Stewardship of the animals on the land and stewardship of the land itself. The land took care of us, and it was our greatest responsibility to take care of it.

We got tacked up and mounted together, and then we were on our way. I let my dad take the lead and set the pace for the horses, which was more leisurely than I expected. Whatever he wanted to talk about was apparently going to take a while.

Once we were up in the trees and surrounded by aspens, he asked how I was doing.

“Good,” I said honestly. “Things are good.”

“Thank you for working so hard over the past few months,” my dad said sincerely. It went quiet between us. Ever since the kitchen table situation, I felt like my dad and I had been on shaky ground. Well, I was on shaky ground. He was fine. Steady, as usual—unlike me. “I know I was tough on you at the beginning of the summer, but everything I do has a reason, August.”

“I know,” I said, and he was right. His tough love had led me to Teddy, and for that I was grateful. Still, when I thought about the way he’d gotten after me that day at breakfast, I bristled a bit.

It wasn’t that he was harder on me than he was on my siblings. He wasn’t—or at least not on purpose. But I was the one who was supposed to take over for him someday, the one with the responsibility to make sure that Rebel Blue adapted, survived, and withstood time. His relationship with each of us was unique. Mine was just informed by more responsibility and expectation than my siblings’.

“One of your best qualities is that you go all in—you get that from your mom,” he said after a minute. The mention of my mom had me tightening the grip on my reins and my ears perking up. He’d started talking about her more in the last couple of years—after Emmy moved home—but usually only when there was something important that he wanted to get across. “But you can’t be all in on everything all the time when this place is yours.” A few months ago, this wouldn’t have made sense to me, but it did now. Teddy had helped show me that—that I couldn’t be everything to everyone all at once.

“Sometimes, Rebel Blue is going to need all of you. There are going to be times when it’s the only thing on your mind. Then there will be times when your family needs you morethan the ranch does, and when you need time for yourself, too,” my dad continued. “And when all of that happens, you’ll need to be able to depend on the people around you—on your hands, and on your family.

“If you depend solely on yourself to run this ranch, you’ll fail.” Ouch. That was hard to hear, but I knew he was right. “Something always has to give, and it’s okay to let it.”

My dad sighed. “When I took over Rebel Blue, it was just me. My father passed away, my mom wasn’t in good shape, and Boone was gone.” Boone was my dad’s oldest brother. He was supposed to inherit Rebel Blue, but he didn’t want it. He bounced and left everything behind. “Rebel Blue is the biggest part of me. It’s all I’ve ever known, all I’ve ever wanted to know, but I would never wish the sole responsibility for this ranch on anyone, especially not my son.”

“I love Rebel Blue, Dad,” I said. I needed him to know that.

“I know, and she’s lucky to be left with you after I’m gone.” My throat went tight. “And if you do it right, you can have a life that is made richer by Rebel Blue—not a life that’s consumed by her.”

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