Page 15 of Lost and Lassoed

It was a low blow—even for me.

“I didn’t mean that,” I said quickly, but the damage was done. Gus looked like I’d just kicked him in the balls and then in the stomach for good measure.

He sank onto the porch steps and ran a hand over his face. He didn’t say anything, and it made me nervous.

“Gus,” I said. “I’m serious. I didn’t mean that. I’m—” Fuck, was I really about to apologize to my archnemesis? “I’m sorry.”

Gus let out a sound that might’ve been an attempt at a laugh, but I couldn’t tell. “How’d that taste coming out of your mouth?” he asked.

“Not great, honestly,” I said with a sigh.

“You’re right, though,” he whispered. Never in my life had Iheard August Ryder sound so…dejected. I didn’t like the way it gnawed at my heart. “I did forget.”

His voice cracked.

“You have a lot going on,” I said quietly. Gus and Cam were a seamless co-parent team. I’d bet it was a tough adjustment to do it alone. Gus’s shoulders sagged, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know Gus couldfeelthings this way. I didn’t know how to react. I’d always been good at caring and comforting, been the person people could depend on and talk to if they needed it, but I didn’t know how to be that for Gus.

He hated me. And I wasn’t his biggest fan either.

“I forgot to pick up my child, Teddy.” God, he was so defeated. “What kind of father does that make me?”

I couldn’t just stand here, so I did what I would do with anyone else: I sat down next to him on the porch steps. He tensed when he felt me near, but I stayed there anyway.

“At least you didn’t accidentally leave her at home while you went to Paris for the holidays,” I said. “By all standards, the Meadowlark Elementary soccer field is pretty tame.” I hoped theHome Alonereference would lighten the mood a little. Growing up, it was Gus’s perennial request for the yearly Ryder holiday movie marathon.

He didn’t say anything. He took off his hat and put his head in his hands. “Am I a bad father, Teddy?”

Even though I was right next to him, I could hardly hear what he said. His voice was so low, so broken.

Before I could think about it, I put my hand on his back and rubbed it up and down a few times. “You are many things, August Ryder, and some of those things aren’t great, I’ll be honest,” I said. “But a bad father isn’t one of them.”

Chapter 7

Gus

Riley and I rolled through the door of the Big House at half past eight, which meant we were thirty minutes late. Both Riley and I must’ve been tired because we slept in longer than usual, and then she got into my bed with one of her picture books and wanted to read to me for a while.

I didn’t know how long she’d want to spend her mornings with me, so I certainly wasn’t going to say no, but I did feel bad for being late to Sunday breakfast.

I hung my hat on one of the hooks by the door and walked toward the kitchen—Riley bounding ahead of me—where I could hear the voices of my family.

My dad built the Big House before I was born, and it was where we all grew up. It sat about a mile from the entrance to Rebel Blue, and it was set on a small hill—slightly elevated above everything else. The Big House was one of my favorite places on earth. It was a big log-cabin-style home that always smelled like leather conditioner and pie crust. There was always hot coffee in the pot, food in the pantry, and a place to hang your hat.

Now my dad was the only one who lived here. I moved out to my own house on the ranch before Riley was born; Emmy hadn’t lived here since before she left for college and now she and Brooks lived together. My brother Wes was the last one here, but he moved to another house on the property last year. He and his girlfriend, Ada, were renovating it.

Honestly, I worried about my dad being here alone—Amos Ryder wasn’t as young as he used to be—but all of us were close by. I didn’t think he was lonely, it was just a big house—literally—for one guy.

When I walked into the kitchen, I saw my dad stationed in front of the stove with a kitchen rag draped over his shoulder—still cooking. Wes and Ada were looking at something on her iPad. Well, Ada was looking at something on her iPad—Wes was looking at her like a lovesick idiot. Wes’s dog, Waylon, was sitting at their feet.

Riley had found her way onto Emmy’s lap and was deep in conversation with her and Brooks. I watched Brooks tuck a piece of my sister’s hair behind her ear.

It has taken me awhile to get used to Brooks and Emmy as a couple. Luke Brooks had been my best friend since elementary school. I’d found some kids picking on him—he was a lot lankier then, hadn’t quite grown into his height or his ears—and stepped in. I gave him half my lunch and brought him home after school.

He’s been around ever since.

Emmy and he started seeing each other in secret after she moved home and retired from barrel racing a couple of years ago. I found out when I saw them sticking their tongues down each other’s throat after Emmy’s last race. Let’s just say I didn’t handle it well. I punched him in the face. I still rememberwhat it felt like when my knuckles connected with his cheekbone. And for the first time since I’d known him, Luke Brooks didn’t hit back.

That’s when I knew I’d fucked up.

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